were not together anymore
i split us up
we told eachother we tried to fix it but i dont think i tried enough, i was bored of being in a relationship among alot of other things and i thought being single would fill that boredom,
he couldnt get a job buti think he stopped trying too i wanted to do so much with him and ive been sick pf my life on hold because i was waiting .
even then i regret it so much now its been four and a half years we were so perfect for so long and i just changed and took us for granted and stopped appreciating him and everything he always did to make me happy and try ti support me
i feel so stupid
why did i start hating sex so much why does any intimacy other than cuddling and pats or scratches make me so uncomfortable now.
when he used to put his hands on me i felt alive and like i was invincible and like nothing could ever ruin what we had but now but recently it all just makes me feel sick, i dont even wanna touch myself anymore i hate it all i do t even enjoy kissing anymore for fucks sake. i genuinely could have been happy just getting a forehead kiss from him and a hug i never needed more than that and i still dont now but he needs more hes just not like me he needs to feel that want and i just can't force myself to pretend i like it anymore, so i told him i cant make him happy i cant give him what he wants and needs and we both love eachother so much with how my heart is twisting with how its aching it must be love, i want nothing more than to tell him i love him or just see him smile his gorgeous smile my gorgeous boy my everything i ever needed my all i ever wanted when did i get so selfish and so fucking sick and why why did it have to be us we could have been perfect forever, he was always so handsome and so fucking perfect to me, why couldn't i just FUCKING TELL HIM WHY DID I START FEELING SO FUCKING UNCOMFORTABLE JUST FOR PAYING HIM A COMPLIMENT IM SO stupid no one will ever respect me like he did no one will ever look at me they way he did or make me feel loved the way he did what made me such a fool why did i have to do this
YOU ARE READING
iykwim
Non-Fictionreal and severe trigger warnings, im venting and telling the story of how i feel when i cant keep it to myself anymore. Please dont worry for me I will be okay and i have people who love me to pick me up when i get really bad but for now this is jus...
