iykwim

idk

maybe im just fucked up rn but I really wanna hurt myself again, i haven't in years but fuck its getting hard i really don't understand how I'm feeling i wish i did. i just idk wanna fuck whats wrong with me, im so strong but shit now im alone with my thoughts its really fucking hard. im the last person awake and i really wanna hurt myself I want my boy, no matter how bad I feel if I have his arms to hold onto i know id be okay. im trying so hard to explain how im feeling but i really dont get it i wanna sleep, stay up, hurt myself, get sick, cry, I really don't get it. am i going down again? is this the start of a deeper spiral, i spent sm money on ❄️ tonight and id be so upset when i wakeup i have work too. how stupid can i get? i dont wanna be gone but rn nothing feels good, maybe i just need to rest idk, probably. can i catch a break please, it would be amazing to just be okay for a while. i wanna keep getting everything out but i have nothing new to say. i miss my boy so much, hes my everything. nothing matters like him, just a hug from him would fix everything even if its for a few hours or even a second idc i love my boy so much i wanna be with him rn in his arms warm and comfy. not a care in the world just me and him, hes the best thing to ever happen to me. so many people mean so much to me but id sacrifice everything for him, nothing could ever compare. i can't explain how important he is, id be such a different person without him, a worse person. he brings out the very best in me, idc how many years we've been together when i see him for the first time in a few days it feels like holding his hand for the first time.  no drug or experience compares to him making me laugh or blush, he is my favorite drug, with him im better and i wish i had him right now beside me hes pat my head or play with my hair till i fall asleep, if this isnt love i dont want it, if how he makes me feel isnt love i never want to feel it because this is everything i need. i love my boy