iykwim

i guess ive grown alot since i vented last lol

i have so many great things to look forward to and enjoy but inside im about to snap im gonna break im gonna cry and ball and scream and shout and hurt and everything will be greyer than its been recently, as soon as im alone everything crumbles and becomes worthless but now its leaking into all aspects of my life idk if im burnt out or if there's just something fucking wrong with me but so help me god i just want it to be fucking hormones because i feel like everything is about to fall into tiny little pieces and theres nothing me or the people that love me can do about it in work i get distracted and accently sit with my head in my hands completely spaced the stress and guilt and worry are to strong to put a face on over everything is making me angry or cry or making me feel nothing at all why do i just feel like my life is over when it should have just started my chest is heavy and my head hurts ive left school i can motivate myself to do anything other than get drunk or high off some stupid shit i genuinely cant tell if im happy i feel so great when im out and with my best friends and boyfriend but as soon as the music stops my head becomes a fucking war that i just cant withstand anymore the worse part of it all is not one single soul had noticed how fucking bad im doing even if i dont spell it out or say it for them they should fucking know, someone close to me should have realized right? i dont know im so unsure of everything and everyone right now i cant ask of help i can try but every time i fucking spill i feel so guilty about taking the people i tell down im tired i dont wanna do this shit anymore and i want someone to realize how serious it is and give a fuck about me please I'm sorry if its fucking selfish or if im an inconsiderate person wishing for this but i just cant anymore and id never forgive myself if something happened to me