MY SPIRITUAL JOURNEY

THE JOURNEY OF ZAMA DLALA

CHAPTER THREE

I have studied the materials. I know the questions. Trust me I know them thoroughly, but during the exams it looked foreign. I just submitted a blank paper, yet again! The exam paper looked completely foreign to me whereas I was going through it with ease at home. For mathematics, it was the simplest compared to English. Probably a lack of practice. But, that wouldn't cause complete amnesia, would it? If by “blanking out” means getting myself so apprehensive that my brain goes on strike. I rub face in frustration. I don't know what Mam Ndondo wants to see me for. I'm sited by the stuff room biting my wounded finger nails. I'm pealing off my flesh. As painful as it is I continue to peal it off until I start to bleed.

"Zama. Please follow me." She says. I take a deep breath and follow her behind. I'm not ready for any confrontation.

"Sit down." We are the principles office. Wouldn't she have had this conversation she wanted to have with me in the class. But I already know what it is. The principle looks at the two papers in front of him. One completely blank and another half written. He sighs and takes his glasses off.

"Are you okay?" He asks.

"Yes Sir." I rub the palms of my hands together. My armpits sweat.

"What happened." He pushes both papers forward. I bring my hand to my mouth but stop myself. This is what happens when I’m stressed.

"I honestly don't know. My mind went blank." I say. "I've been studying a lot but nothing registers."

"You blank out because you are anxious."

Mam Ndondo says after clicking the pen. I don't think she understands where I'm coming from.

"You can decrease your anxiety by taking long, slow, deep breaths, and reminding yourself that you prepared for the test."

she adds making me to nod my head in understanding. Haven't I done that? Obviously, I have but it didn't work!

"Take tests strategically. Read them over before you begin to answer questions and work out a plan for completing the exam. Do the questions you know first. When you work on questions you are less confident about, see if you can use information from other questions to help." The principle adds. I feel the tears building up.

"Manage your time. When you are half way through the allotted time for the exam, you should have completed about half of the questions. Exam-writing is like any other skill - you can learn to do it well, and when you do, your anxiety will stop and you won’t blank out." Mam Ndondo.

After confrontation. I decided to go sit by the park and think things through. I don't want to go home with this energy that I have towards my mum. She will worry a lot and get more sick.

"You've been here for quite some time now. Is everything okay at home?" I look up and find a man standing in front of me. I chuck.

"Why assume I have issues at home?" I ask.

He pulls his pants up then sits besides me. Company can do me good.

"Mthokozisi Mbhele is the name." He stretches out his hand for a handshake. I gladly shake it.

"Zama Dlala." I say.

"Nice name for a pretty woman." Did the man just called me woman!

"Thank you I guess." We both fall in comfortable silence.

"I..."

"You..."

We both speak at the same time. We laugh.

"Ladies first." He says. Such a gentle man I must say.

"I haven't seen you around here." Of which is true.