MY SPIRITUAL JOURNEY

THE JOURNEY OF ZAMA DLALA

CHAPTER FOUR

It's a different day, and my heart is still heavy. It's been three days of passing of my friend and I still find it unbelievable. I haven't had the courage to pay my last respect to her mother. The last I saw Mncedisi, he wasn't okay. I wonder how he is holding up now? I heard that her family wants to bury Sizakele as quickly as possible. But the date has not yet been set. I would, too, honestly. The longer I keep her, the more I would go mad. Maybe even be admitted.
"Mama. Wake up. It's time to bathe." I shake her. I am honestly tired of the same routine. I, too, want to live my life like every other child out there. I, too, want to experience coming home back at night, being scolded at. I miss that. Not this life. Maybe this is the reason why I am unable to focus on my exams. I'm a guardian and a grade eleven learner! My life is not balancing. My mother just stares at me without saying a word. She does that at times when regaining herself from sleep.
I decided to let her be. I will come back after five minutes - hopefully, by then, she would have woken up.

I decided to do other chores while I passed the time. Forty-five minutes later, I am done. I'm craving some soda today. I will have to go to the shops once I'm done bathing my mother.
"Mama." She is still in the same position I left her in. Haibo! What is all this now?
"Mah!" I pull her up, trying to make her sit. But she is just hard as a rock. Her eyes are wide open. She is cold as ice. I feel my hands tremble. I run out of the house, not knowing where to go and who to run to. I just stand there in the middle of the road, looking all lost. Who do I run to? My hands are on my head, spinning. A hooter honking nonstop. I would rather let God punish me. I want to die. Please let this be a hit and run.
"Zama!" I know the voice. I dare not turn. I kneel on the road, trying to catch my breath. It hurts. My mother can't die. Not when I...
I feel strong arms hugging me from behind. I just sob.
"Shhh, it's okay." He says. No! It will never be okay. It's not okay!
"What happened?" He asks.
"My mum is dead." I say in-between the hiccups. The more I think about it, the more my chest burns.
"Let's go home." He helps me stand. I don't want to go home. I want to be far away from home as possible. What will my home be without my mother.

After Mthokozisi confirming several times. My mother's heartbeat is still functioning. A relief washes over me, but I don’t want to jump the gun. Dragging her body to the car was a struggle, but we managed either way. I keep checking to see if she's still breathing.
"She's fine, don't worry”. He assures me while he keeps checking us in the rear mirror. I have my mother's head on my lap for comfort and support. We are almost at the hospital. I am grateful for Mthokozisi. I don't know what I would have done without him. I will have to call my father to let him know. But not now, once my mind has cleared and know exactly what's wrong with my mother.
"Would you like something to eat?" Mthokozisi refused going home when I asked him to. He told me that he wants to be by my side for emotional support. Of which I am grateful for in so many levels.
"Yes. I am starving. I haven't eaten since morning.
"I saw some people selling outside the gate. I will be right back." He pats on my shoulder and leaves me seated. I left my phone at home. This was the perfect timing for me to call my dad. I see Mthokozisi returning back. He hands be the plastic and sit beside me.
"Thank you." I gratefully accept.
Chicken and Mayo sandwich, a scorn and juice. This shall keep me for the day. I'm not much of an eater anyway.
"I'm sure your mother will be admitted."
I suspect, too, but I don't want to think about it too much. Going back to a lonely house.

 
Government hospitals literally sucked the life out of us. We waited close to an hour without any feedback. A good Samaritan had to go to one of the wards for an update. Only to find out that my mother has been admitted. Not only that, a drip was connected to her without our consent. What if she was allergic to some of the medication they pumped into her. At least the doctor was decent enough to apologize and tell us that they had to attend to her as a priority cause she was running out of breath. For that, I am thankful. But being notified first before anything would have been helpful.
"Thank you." I don't know what I would have done without him. He has been here, not wanting to leave my side.
"No worries." He says. He offered that we can watch movies and rest a bit before he takes me home. A distraction is exactly what I need. I have suffered enough in the short space of time.
"Shall I prepare the snacks? The movie is about to start."
"I think you should. I don't want you going up and down missing all the action."
He laughs. His outside bedroom is very cozy. A mini kitchen and the sitting room, it's an open plan. Talk about his master bedroom! It's very insane. I see him preparing the snacks. He should consider moving out of his parents' house. What is the use of living with them when he can afford a good life for himself.
"A little help, please."
"Did you not say you all good when I offered you my help?" I ask.
"Hau!. But you did not offer any help." He is defeated. I laugh with him joining in.
"I didn't expect that." He says, throwing popcorn in his mouth.
"Finishing all the snacks before me." I chuck, grabbing the bowl of popcorn and leaving him behind following me with the drinks.
He sits beside me, too close. When I lean, I'm leaning on his arm, and he decides to put his around me.