MY SPIRITUAL JOURNEY

THE JOURNEY OF ZAMA DLALA

CHAPTER NINTEEN  

I am standing outside my parents' bedroom. Hearing them arguing is breaking me slowly. I don't know how my father found out but his breathing fire.  
“She made a mistake!” My mother screams helplessly.  
“I get that you feel a lot of emotions. Disappointment, sadness, though I don’t think you should ever feel hate towards her or the baby. Whatever happens, you should be there for your child, through bad and good!” My mother is fighting this battle without fail. I feel like a horrible child. I feel like I have disappointed my parents a lot, especially my father. He doesn't deserve any of this. Now, my womb carrier will have something to judge and laugh about. My father is pacing up and down in frustration. His punching walls. I have never seen my father this mad, ever.  
“MaDlala! Give yourself a moment for emotional catharsis. Your baby girl is pregnant as a teenager. As a father, I have the right to feel angry, upset, and disappointed! Argh...” He throws himself on the bed and cries. The situation is getting. My father is disheartened. A heavy sigh escapes his lips. My mother sits next to him.  
“I’m guessing the boy who got her pregnant is either gone or about to leave her. Whether or not you choose to confront this young man and make him take responsibility for this is up to you, but I would at least have a talk with this young man and his parents about what has transpired.” He says, and I feel my soul leave my body immediately. My mother keeps quiet. I take steps back and walk out of the house. I don't know where I am going, but I need to be out of this yard before my father kills me. I am waiting for the taxi to arrive. I will need to talk to Mthoko about this. I can not die alone. He also needs to feel the heat. Now, this is the time I wish he was here when I needed him the most.  

I bought him a few things with his money. Yes, his God damn money! I am thankful for him being around the Westville prison. I don't know if I would have coped if the guy was outside Durban. Prision has never been a good sight to see - to be honest. Having to visit your boyfriend behind bars is not an easy thing to go through. I believe that if you truly love someone and are committed to that person and the relationship. You will figure it out, and you get through it. It will test you, that's for sure. It's one’s decision how it's going to turn out. Here I am, hoping for the best. I am told to wait. As I patiently wait for quite some time. I see Mthokozisi making his way towards me with a very short man. I frown, looking at him. Did he make friends already?  
“Sistera.” The short guys greet, and I greet back awkwardly. What was he arrested for? I look at Mthoko with a questionable look, and he just shrugs his should. The amusement on his face.  
“Nhlavini is the name.” He introduces himself. His mischievous smile annoys me, honestly. He gets the message and walks away. Now I have time to breathe. Out of nowhere, Mtho is grabbing and kissing the lights out of me.  
“Ndoda! No touching!” The warden warns Mthoko, who seems to really don't care. I quickly sit down, catching my horny breath.  
“You have no idea how badly I wanted to do that.” He is making me crimson. Turning all sorts of colors. I am dark in complexion, and I just know I have turned black instantly.  
“You look cute. You are glowing.” I get that a lot. My happiness is short-lived when my mind just triggers the events that I left at home. I keep taking deep breaths. I am failing to breathe.  
“Aibo. Mama. What is wrong?” He tries to help me stand, but I just fail. I just melted in his arms and closed my eyes.  

I open my eyes, and I feel my chest heavy. I look to the side, and I see Mthoko sleeping next to me. I slowly removed his hand, getting out of bed. I need a glass of water. I don't trust these cups. As much as it looks clean but there are just a lot of people who always cooped up in here. These namel cups don't do me any justice. I option drinking directly from the tap. I burp and calm myself down. I don't know what to do with myself right now. I feel so lost. This place is cold and creepy. Looks like a hospital or something close to it.
“Mthoko!” I feel emotional out of nowhere. He opens his eyes and sits up straight.  
“What is the matter?” He asks, getting out of the prison hospital bed.  
“My father knows. He knows that I'm pregnant, and now he hates me.” I bite my fingers nails to calm my nerves down.  
“Did he say that?” He stands in front of me.
“No. But since he knows...” I honestly don't know. I sigh.
“Come here.” He stretches his hand out for me. He entwines his fingers with mine. “Stop biting your nails.” He warns. I immediately doff my hand off my mouth. He lifts my chin up and looks directly into my eyes.  
“You know that I love you, right?”  
“Yes.” With his thumb – he wipes the pouring tears.  
“Stop crying. You are hurting me when you cry.”  
He comes a bit closer. I can feel his boner poking my stomach. “I missed you.” He captures my lips into his. My body reacts forthwith. He moans in my mouth and breathes heavily. He lets go of my chin and holds my rumps firmly. He is sucking my lower lip for dear life. I pull out and catch some breath.  
“Mthoko...”  
“Shhh. Two minutes, Mama.” He stares deeply into my eyes. His eyes turn into a lighter, paler brown - his eyes are a chocolate brown normally. The more I look at him – the more my clit throbs. His hands travel to my pubic area, and I gasp in shock. I pulled back quickly and hit my back against the wall. He scoops me up and places me on the table, opening my legs wide.  
“Mtho. We can't do it here.” I whisper. One this thing about this man. Once his mind is made up, there is no turning back. He shifts my underwear to the side while rubbing my swollen clit. I tilt my head back and my body slowly reacts to his touch. Ow, how I have missed this. Him. I don't know when his pants reached his knees. His stops playing with my clit and jerks himself. He keeps seething his teeth. He's already sweating but hasn't done any movements. He opens my legs wide and pulls me a little further close to him. He positions himself.  
“Babe.” I can feel his cold pre-cum dripping. He pushes in, and God dammit it hurts. I push him off, and he is too strong. He doesn't move an inch. He holds my waist, and the pressure tightens. He pulls me closer to him even more. Without warming, he pushes in, fully making me scream. My head slightly hits the wall, and I let my head be. He looked deeply into my eyes, and my screams just ceased to be visible. The cocky side smile. I grabbed him by his t-shirts. My arms wrapped around his shoulders. Mouths are warm and panting for air. My world shrinks down – his dick feels good. My nails dig deeper on his neck.  
“Ow, Mthoko.” I cry. The sensation is too good. I feel a tingling sensation coming to play.  
“Mama.” He pulls me too close, and I swear I felt my insides move. My legs are dangling over his strong arms. He is going in too deep.  
“It hurts.” I cry. He stops and pulls out. He helps me stand and makes me face the wall with my legs spread wide apart from each other. My hands are balancing on the wall for support. My underwear is ripped off. I am appalled. He spanks my butt and groans with excitement.  
“I missed you.” He whispers into my ear. My nipples are very hard and are extremely sensitive every second. I can feel his tip rubbing against the entrance. He spread my butt cheeks and enters me from behind. Something has struck a cord deep.  
“Mthoko.” I hiss. That one push – I felt my cervix being stretched. He roughly grabs my hair and pumps me like nobody's business. I can feel my heart beating. I feel certain parts of my body getting warm. I can feel my heartbeat pulsing in certain places. My thoughts are being generated by the power supply.
“Ow shit!” He curses. Another spank on my butt. I scream in pleasure. Hitting it from behind is great! The angle is different, and my vagina feels tighter. I can feel it. My clit starts to protrude and pulsate and the more turned on I get the quicker it pulsates and wants to be touched. I remove one hand on the wall and play with mt clit. The rhythmic contractions of an orgasm.  
“Ow my God!” My knees shaken. I fail balance and fall on Mthoko’s chest.  
“Babe.” His voice is deep and sexy. He slowly pulls out and holds my waist.
“That was supposed to be a quickie.” I complain. My knees are wobbly. That lopsided smile turned me on even more.
“Get on the bed and lay on your back.” He whispers in my ear. I get on the bed and lay on my back. He drags me by my legs, making me sleep at the edge of the bed. My legs are wide open. That smile again. I find myself smiling. He is looking at me like a snack. That warmth – skin to skin makes me shiver. I grab on tight onto the sheets and gasps for air. Each stretch feels like the first time.  
“Ahhh!” My world is spinning. I bite my lower lip, muffling my screams.  
“Dali wami.” He groans loud, and I just know he is close. That intense feeling. It's deeper, closer, and harder. He is slamming on too hard.  
“Mth...” I lose my senses. I am pulling my hair in no sense of direction. I close my eyes and enjoy the moment. The pleasure and ecstasy. My toes curl. I don't believe this, organism after organism. I can feel my muscles relax. I want to hold it in, but it’s difficult to hold in urine. I let my joint lose - so it's released.  
“Fuck!” I feel Mthoko hump one last time before he collapses on top of me letting out his shaky breath. He pulls out and looks at me in amusement.  
“I can't believe this.” I say. He kisses me and gets off.  
“Damn, I've missed you, woman.” I gather my strength to sit up straight. My eyes land on his wet pants, and I gasp.  
“Ow my God. This is embarrassing.” I say. He just stands there and smiles. The door handle swings, and the door opens.
“Ow my God!” A woman screams, then closes the door immediately.  
“Shit.” Mthoko wears his pants fast – wet as they are.  
“Clean up. I will distract her.” I look around, and there is nothing here. I just use the sheet to wipe myself and then wipe the floor with it. I throw the sheet on the floor, underneath the bed, and sit innocently on the bed. My heart is beating rapidly against my chest. Mthoko comes back with the woman, and it's a young lady who is extremely dead gorgeous. I find myself having a hint of jealousy until I notice a shiny piece on her left finger. She clears her through and stands there awkwardly. I don’t know what Mtho said to her, but...
“Bagqibile is the name.” She stretches out her hand for a handshake. I accept shyly.  
“And your name is Zama. Right?”    
“Yes.” She looks at the papers in her hands and sighs. I don’t know why I am suddenly anxious.  
“Your BP was extremely way too high for a pregnant woman. Try not to find yourself in not so good situations. Like the one I walked into...” She sides eyes Mthoko, and Mtho looks away, avoiding eye contact.  
“I will give you vitamins, and please give this to your doctor or nurse on your next appointment.” I understand – so I nod my head in agreement.  
“Thank you.” I say, and she smiles. Okay, she is not as bad as I thought. Her appearance gives her that ‘do not mess with me’. I smile back.  
“Stop fucking in bad places. We do not want baby jail.”  
It's a joke, but Mthoko is frowning so hard. He looks so damn ugly when doing that. The doctor cleared her throat and told me I am not in any danger. So, I am free to go home. If which I am grateful for. I think I like her profession. I can already see myself in the nurse's uniform.  
 “What can you tell me about being a nurse in prison?” I ask. I see a smile on her face. Mthoko is looking at me with disapproval look on his face.  
“Pouring meds for seven hundred men is no picnic, especially if you must do it twice during your shift. Filing is always , Keeping track of and answering kites also takes time. Dealing with medical emergencies - broken noses, ears ripped off, cuts, sickness, sprained knees, teeth knocked out - was where the excitement came in. It’s a lot, trust me. But the pay is good.” I think she loves what she is doing.  
“I think I might just be in your shoes.” I say. That wouldn't be a bad thing, Afterall. She chucks and collects her things.  
“You wouldn't want to be in my shoes – I have made bad choices in life which I can not erase from my past, but they have made me stronger."  
“We all have sins we are not proud of.” I look at Mthoko he is looking straight back at me.  
“So, I am the bad choice you made in life, Zama?” Was I talking to him?  
“Looking at you after the statement I made does not mean I made a bad choice with you. Do not accuse me, sir.”
“Okay. I think this is my queue to leave.” She gathers her things and walks out, leaving Mthoko and I in a looking match.
“Marry me.” Out of nowhere, he makes me laugh. If this is the way of him being upset – then he has a funny way of showing it.  
“Zama.” His voice is firm, making me stop laughing. He looks serious. He must be joking.  
“Are you serious?”  
“Like a heart attack.”  
“What is the rush?” I am still young, though. Not that I am complaining, but...
“I want my child to not suffer. I want him to always have his father’s side of the family present in case anything happens.” I keep quiet and listen to him speak. My heart is beating too fast. I think I will collapse again. “Think about it and let me know the answer once, you are sure.” He says. I remain quiet. I'm not too sure how to respond and what to say.  
“I will marry you.” That came out a whisper. His eyebrows furrow in confusion.  
“What did you just say?”
“I said – I will marry you.” His face melts. He stands in front of me and gives me one hell of a kiss that I find myself lost in the moment. He pulls out and leaves me gasping for air and wanting for more.  
“Thank you.”  Just like that. I have agreed to marry a man who is in jail. Sometimes, I question my mental health.