Jake's Younger Sister

• accomplishments •

It was the 23rd of December, two days before Christmas Day and I still hadn't bought my friends gifts.

Well three of them.

However it's still truly terrible of me! Every moment I reminded myself of this fact it would fly over my head, leaving me. It would come back after a while but I would procrastinate the task and then the next thing you know it's 7pm and you have approximately 48 hours to accomplish said task.

Sorry, am I rambling?

Anyway. I told myself that I couldn't prolong this task any longer and swiftly left the house, jumping into my car two hours before the mall was to close.

The car in mention that hadn't been touched in months and had collected a thick layer of dust from being hidden in the garage, it made me feel guilty and at fault for being so sluggish but nonetheless I shook the memories from my brain and jumped in. I'm getting there, it's quite the jump from going to disconsolate to extroverted in a matter of days. It feels significantly better to be myself than it is to hide myself, I just needed to venture outside my comfort zone to find that out.

One thing that hasn't been significantly better is my anxiety and PTSD. Every second of the day, my heart beats like a drum at the smallest things, like a stranger accidentally touching my hand when walking past me in a crowd or even paying for something at a shop. My mind is full of overthinking thoughts and preposterous events that would never happen in a lifetime. And there's always butterflies, or what i would like to call them - moths - knawing at my stomach, causing an immense flutter but not a fun one.

For my PTSD, my nightmares have been occurring. Becoming worse each night, even before I was diagnosed, my nightmares had never been so terrible. I wake up every night in a pool of sweat, with my breath shaky and heartbeat up far too high. My doctor is suggesting me to try a higher dosage of my medicine but the medicine just makes me even more paranoid.

Sorry, rambling! Again.

As I'm stuck at the busy red light, just a right turn from the mall - I then begin to think about what my friends would want as a gift, Corey, Sam and Stas. There was a reason I had left these three perfect humans last. They are so utterly hard to buy for! The light flashes a bright green and I turn right into the parking lot. It was dead, only three full rows of cars which was surprising as this mall is bustling every other day.

I drove closer to the front of the mall and parked close to the front door, inches away. I jumped out of my car with still no call to action. I pondered as I wandered into the shop. I had an inkling of an gift for Stas, makeup. Stas was so incredibly talented and was flawless at doing her makeup. She had been muttering yesterday that she had been running out of her favourite products.

Products that would certainly break my bank account however anything for my darling Stas.

Stas had always been so welcoming with me and so genuine. She always had the brightest and most brilliant smile on her face, her laugh was also so admiring and endearing. Stas was always checking up on me and bringing me homemade dishes up to my room after my unwanted visit from Kansas. She was understanding and never pushed me - until enough became enough. She pushed for me to get better and persisted, and that was what I really needed to get better.

I waltzed into Sephora, glancing over the thousands of products. She had ran out of her Nars foundation, Gisou hair oil and Kosas concealer. I browsed the store for the items, picking them up one by one when finding them. I placed them in my basket and stalked over to the cashier anxiously. I paid for the items, creating small talk with the lovely worker and wishing her a nice Christmas break when leaving.

Once out of Sephora, a grateful breath of relief fell from my lips. It was busy in there and the music was blaring into my ears! It was done now though, my next person is Sam. Sam's a wonderful and charming friend. Invested in the paranormal world, like Colby - of course but he has a true love for running. He recently ran a marathon, which is unbelievable and a serious effort. He filmed it and his friends were invited to run with him for every segment, I was one of them. In no shape or form am I a runner but it was empowering for the short time I was in the video. It felt freeing, I could see why he enjoys running. However after that video his running shoes were ruined.