Shedding Tears [COMPLETED] #Wattys2016

Chapter 15

It has already been two days since I'm locked in my own room, the walls making fun of me. The paintings that i hung on the walls seem to be so dead and mocking. These two days have been a firehole for me, I'm dangling in between death and life, this torture doesn't seem to fade any soon.

Since the public harassment that i faced in the auditorium, i haven't stepped out of the house. I have been crying all day and night, the loneliness enough to end my life. No school, no going out, nothing, just because i am afraid and embarrassed and not so strong to face the consequences all by myself. My school has found a new hot topic to gossip about 'Stacey Conroy busted' 'Stacey Conroy: The slut' and such other offensive topics. Facebook and twitter is bombarded with my posts, my profiles filled with abusive comments and so much more. The first text that i got on my phone was from Sebastian when i was crying in the washroom: Told you to mark my words, bitch.
And then they started.
Alex: What the hell? I thought you weren't like those sluts but you proved me wrong.
Damian (Seb's brother): Sorry babe. Haha.
Kelly: So, the whore, eh?
And so much more.
I switched my phone right after.

Right now, its noon and a Thursday and i haven't gone to school again, you know the reason. I switch on my phone for the first time in these two days because i know the hype must've calmed down because of school time. 67 unread messages. 33 missed calls. Gosh, i have a lot of hate to go through!

I silently check each one of the messages, 3 are from Adam, 1 from Kyle, 4 from Jane and Anna each. None from Harry. Others are just hate texts that i delete the very instant. The missed calls are from various people. 10 from Sebastian, others from my friends and the rest are unimportant. Again, none from Harry.

I feel awful. Just when the entire world has turned their back on me, Harry is one of them. Just when he promised he'd never let me down, he just did. I know he's pissed but he knows what shit I'm going through, he could at least call me once to see if I'm okay, not just turn his head like he isn't aware of my existence. You know that feeling, that pain when your heart feels like it has been squeezed and then thrown somewhere along the dunes of Sahara Desert, where your heart will be hard to find and if found, impossible to fix. Harry is the only person i was expecting to come see how i was doing, his presence in my tough times is what I'm craving the most right now, and now i know why they say: expectations lead to disappointments.

I cry a little, and then go upstairs to have my antidepressants. I have only two left in the bottle. I had fourteen of them in four days only! I dress myself and go to see my mother. Its been a hard time on me and the only person that i know will be there, is my mum.

'Hey mum?' I watch her peacefully breathing on the hospital bed. The doctors told me that she can hear me. I kiss her cheek and hold her hand as i continue, 'You know, i miss you. Everything about you. I miss the love, care and support that you have always given me. I miss the times you scolded me for excess usage of my phone. I miss the time when you cuddled me and hugged me from behind my back.' I quickly wipe away the tear that just rolled down as i show her a picture on my phone. 'Mum, you see this? Its my favourite picture of you. You were so happy that day. It was your last birthday and you were so excited. You nearly cried when dad gifted you this beautiful locket that you drooled over for months. And how you were so exuberant to see grandma make it to your birthday. I miss your smile mum. Please come home, your daughter isn't strong without you.'

I pause, trying to compose myself from having a breakdown in the hospital. My heart is so heavy and my eyes are tired of crying. I feel betrayed, abandoned. I feel insecure, humiliated.

'Mum this week has been so tough on me. Nothing is right. You're not here, dad's not here, Harry and I fought, my friends have turned their backs on me. I need you and i want you to come home and promise me you'll never ever leave me.' I blurt out as i rest my head on her leg and silently cry.