What if I died today?
Should I worry more about others or myself?
Should I ponder the reactions of my friends and family, the expressions they will hold when they learn of the truth?
Should I pain myself with the image of a sadden family wondering where they went wrong, how they missed the signs and could have done more to help?
Should I create a list of my hopes and dreams, things I should long to accomplish and live to achieve?
Should I question all I would regret missing, the mornings never seen, places never visited and experiences never to have?
Should I speculate over my wellbeing for the next few years? How the months of dark days and solemn nights, the haunting silence and numbness may only grow. How those months could become years until I am rotting inside; just a mere corpse of myself, the walking dead?
Should I create a table, outline the pros and cons, place everything prior in columns and analyse it? That would take effort I no longer possess. Another part of me slowly breaking away.
When all the pieces of me finally break, I won't even have the strength to wonder or speculate.
I suppose that's what no one understands. Once that point is reached, once the me I am is no more, everything else is moot.
Nothing matters.
My decisions may seem selfish, but they aren't, not really. The decision will be made with no thoughts at all, but as of now, while I'm still present, I will think.
I will worry until it consumes me and I self destruct.
Then my thoughts will rule me no more.
YOU ARE READING
Thoughts from my brain
PoetryIt's poetic, in a way. This is a mixture of poems and short passages. I'm writing these for myself, I guess, as a way to collect my thought, but I hope you enjoy the little pieces of me you read.
