Thoughts from my brain

Pain

I write words for no one to read,
songs for no one to sing,
cause I have things that I can't say
and it feels like no ones truly listening.
And if I tell them how I feel,
tell them what is really real,
would I even know what to say?
Would they take the news okay?

Would they laugh, just like I do?
The thought that someone like me, with a life like my life
could spend endless sleepless nights with thoughts of taking her own life.

Would they feel sad, like they failed,
cause they didn't see the signs?
Didn't see that I was struggling,
didn't realise I was not fine?

Would they treat me differently,
walk around on eggshells like i'd break,
thinking they were the problem,
instead of it being me,
being my brain.

How would I even find the words?
I wouldn't know what to say.
"Hey mum i'm sad",
"I think of dying",
"I'm really not okay".
I couldn't do it,
I couldn't tell them,
I couldn't break their hearts,
because what's worse then hurting myself,
worse then know things won't change,
is knowing that I hurt them,
knowing i'm the reason they won't be the same.