Hidden in the star, book one

Chapter 18 With light, with regrets, with hope

The next morning, Sol wakes up after peaceful nights sleep, not uneventful, he woke in the early hours of the morning before Sage dragged him back to bed. Sol slowly turns to look at Keller, his eye's close but his  voice cuting into the silence
"Morrning Sol, you Good?"
Jackson lean over, nuzzling into Keller's arm
"Yeh papa, Morrning"
Keller puts is hand on Sol's shoulder, rubbing circles replys
"You sleep OK?"
Sol node's saying
"Surprisingly"
There peace short lived tho, as Adi burster into the room saying
"Oh God I've been replaced, this is terrible!"
And dramatically storming out.
Sol chuckles and gets up saying
"I'm putting my eyeliner on"
Keller hmms and continues
"I'm taking a shower"
And walk off to the the bathroom.
Sol eyeliner on,  Keller shower and dressed go downstairs.
When the two are halfway down, they can hear chaos coming from the kitchen.
The two shared a glance before moving forward, there in the kitchen was Cooper and Adi with the class cooking.
Keller only rely is
"I need coffee for this"
Sol counters
"Me to, black"
Keller node's and continues to the coffee maker as Sol leans on the wall to the kitchen watching, saying
"Who new you could cook!"
Murphy looks to Sol asking
"Then why do you always kick me out of the kitchen?"
Sol laughed saying
"Because you make that much mess, even I'm tempted to burn the kitchen down."
Murphy contours
"Then teach me"
Sol only nods before Keller hands him his coffee saying a quiet 'thanks', before returning to the covertions with Murphy
"Yah I'll teach you, you help with lunch?"
Murphy nodded, and then Coco comes up saying
"Sol you up, you look better!"
Sophie added
"Yah, but anything we can help with?"
Sol smirks, replied
"Thank you, really. But no, everyone being here is more then I can ask and now your making breakfasts."
Kerry happily said
"Aww, your welcome Sol"
Andy Jay
"Yep, no problem "
Adi chuckles with a big smile saying
"Can't have my baby brother a stick!"
Then his face turns surius continues
"Dad will snap him"
Everyone laughs and an afended Cooper turns saying
"I would never ever!"
Keller cut in
"Your talking about a guy that sqewils and hide behind me when theres a bug in the house"
Max gasps saying
"That was our secret Sage!"
Kerry desperately said
"No war, breakfast please Coop, I'm dying hear!"
Everyone starts laughing at this, nowing Kerry can't even boil water.
As they collect themselves and the breakfast goods, moving to the dinner table.
After breakfast, Sol try's to wash the dishes, he didn't cook so it was far. But no one would here of it.
Instead keller called him to the lounge room, when he's seated Keller starts.
"Sol, the therapist is coming soon, what should we do?"
Sol looks confused so asked
"I'm not worried, the back yards big I'm sure I can find a spot to bury them"
Keller chuckles and replies
"And I will help, but let's fine course before ation, shall we"
Both chuckles at this, then continue
"I just ment, is there a place your more comfortable in, or something we can do."
Sol pounds this for a moment then replied
"I'm stiff, I know what you said, but maybe some stretchers"
Sol shrugs, Keller awaser
"Not yoga shit, just"
Shrugs and smirks saying
"Should, knee's and toes"
Sol's chuckles with a nod.
Soon after there's a knock at the door, Keller gets up and answered., as she enters, Sol looks up to see the Tharapestd is a woman, long brown hair, brown eyes, havey smocked eyes, tank top with leather pants and boots. Sol was shocked, but didn't have a chance to come out of the shock state as a deep but gentle voice said
"I'm Tony, raise your hand if your suicide!"
There shocked silence as she continues
"Shit kids no one"
One hand on her hip, shakes hear head saying
"Well my jobs easy today!"
Sol finally breaking from the shock saying
"You fuck out of luck"
Shrugs with a smirk continues
"Suicide guy here, would of brought a tshrt, but didn't won't to make it easy tho!"
Tony laughs saying
"Kid I like a challenge, don't bore me know!"
Sol with a wicked smirks said
"Hope you brought popcorn, let's take this to the dance room and see who regrets life first"
Both nod walking off, Keller following, as they enter Tony asked
"So Mr. Suicidal, can I know your name?"
Sol smirks
"I thought you didn't won't it easy?"
Tony shakes her head saying
"What ever kid, though it would be better then 'suicidal guy'."
Tony shrugs, and Sol starts his stretchers. After a moment Tony said
"Fuck I have this strachy barbie as a kid, but you, wow"
Keller saying
"Yeh, though I said should, knee's and toes shit"
Sol's shakes his head replied
"This is normal for me, I did ballet as a kid, still do, not as much, but the warm ups never stop them."
Keller asking
"This is how you fight like you do, some of your moves, you just glid throw?"
Sol node's saying
"Sol, my name"
Tony softly smiled saying
"Well Sol it's lovely meeting you, would you like to talk?"
Sol snots
"And here I was actually wonting to, but then you put on the doctor voice, yah nah, out"
Tony put both hands on her hips saying
"Hay don't be a dick, I was just beginning nice!"
Sol humms in thought, Keller interrupted saying
"We have course, what's our actions?"
Sol sites on the floor criss cross, looking at keller, after a moment said
"Why this one?"
Keller
"I often hear about her, Tony's great but, only work with who she won't. I thought maybe you would work well."
Tony tries saying
"Hay I..."
Both Keller and Sol
"No"
Sol
"One more chance, I'll play a song. Then fuck knows"
All three nod, moving to the next room. Sol taking his place at the piano, starts playing one of his songs
(Til it happens to you, lady gaga)
After Sol finished Tony said
"Beautiful, ok a truth for a song what you say?"
Sol node's, so Tony continues
"Me and my girlfriend, we had shit partners.  We made a suicide pack, we would go to therapy, if it didn't work. We would die together,  long story short I survived."
Sol let's a tear out and nods, turning back to the pinion starting another one of his songs. (You dont know, Katelyn Tarver)
Tony claps saying
"Wondfull, I would like to work with you, would you like to work with me?"
Sol node's asking
"I don't find it easy talking tho"
Tony nodded and said
"We could do music sessions,  there fucking deep as, you don't need words. Your Dad's a musician?"
Sol nods and Keller state's
"Gum.Bear"
Tony nodded and asked
"Would you be ok if you sing for your um, who those people out there are?"
Sol looks to his hand saying softly
"Freaids"
Tony nodded and continues
"OK great, can you sing to you perants or you friends?"
Sol shrugs taking a moment before speaking
"Not my friends, but dad and papa yeh, hmm, I have a brother to, Adi, he's funny and sweet."
Tony node's and said
"You don't have to sing to your brother, but I would like to meet him"
Sol nodded and Keller asking
"Sol should I get Dad first?
Sol node's and a moment later they come in, Cooper going straight to Sol wrapping him in a hug, asking
"You ok little J?"
Sol hmms and said
"Yeh, she said my songs are heavy shit, you should listen"
Max let's go saying
"I'm in little J, your open up to me, I'm touched, please play won't ever you won't, I'm listening"
Keller
"Sol we won't judge, your in pain, we need to understand, feel that pain to help"
He nodded and starts playing another one of his songs
(If I surrender, citizen soldiers)
After finishing there's a moment of stillness, before Sol takes a breath and starts playing again.
(I'm not okay, citizen soldiers)
Sol starts crying, it feels so good being heard, not judg, heard.
Cooper and Keller come over comfiting Sol, Cooper let's go of the hug letting Keller take over. Sol's lost, where did he need to go, but he made no move to leave only turning to the piano and starts playing
(Hold on to your life- acoustic, Sam Tinnesz)
Mid way in Keller's deep and rusty voice stars sing as well.
Sol's can't believe what he's hearing, the lyrics saying, 'no matter what we'll find you' and 'hold on'.
Jackson is shaking, taking deep ragged breaths, trying to talk, but Cooper cuts in.
"See little J, we love you and are here"
Sol dose the only thing he can now his voice failed, leans forward a kissed Cooper cheek, turned and repeat this to Keller.
After a moment, Sol finally can talk
"I wont to play for my friends, if anything they need to see the real world"
Keller looks pissed saying firmly
"Dont be a fucking poster boy, Sol please "
Sol holds a hand up saying
"I wont to, I need a fucking smoke"
Takes a breath and continues
"I need to, it's hard, but you said 'step out of you comfet place', I'm trying papa"
Tony steps in and asked
"Sol I know it feels good to get things off your chest, but we not.."
Sol wavering a hand said
"You need to, we need to, my IQ is very high and I will use every I and fucking Q, to dodg and skip"
Tony nodded and asked
"Should I bring your friends in?"
Sol gets up, shaking he's head move over to a guitar on the wall and removing it.
Simply replied
"I'm going out"
And moved to the door, with Max right next to him and Keller one step behind. As they entered the lounge Keller speaks as Cooper and Sol get comfy on the sofa.
"Right kids, Sol won't to sing one of his songs, won't lie this shits heavy, get comfy"
Keller moves to Sol and sits next to him, Sol takes a deep breath and starts sing another of his songs
(Weight of the world, citizen soldiers)
There were sobbing and 'oh Sol' circling the room, before Adi voice cuts through
"Did you try to hang yourself?"
Sol sighing simply
"Bushit didn't work"
Everyone gasps, Tony asking
"Fuck, you're attempting, not just cutting?"
Liam steps in
"He wrote us goodbye letters"
Keller firmly and desperately asks
"Sol how many times?"
Sol gave no reply, Keller demanded this time
"For fuck sake tell me now"
Sol's only replied
"Give me a smoke"
Cooper in distress asks softly
"Little J are you that desperate for one?"
Sol hmms and replies
"Are you?, isn't information that dose shit for anyone"
Keller maybe for the first time sounding desperate to Sol, bargains with
"Two smokers, 20 minutes, no hold backs"
Jackson simply replied
"Sold"
Tony worried, interjects
"We can't just bend to there needs, it wil..."
Keller sternly said
"My kid, don't like, there's the door, fuck off"
Going and collecting the carrincey for this deal, return and give it to Sol his only reply being
"I don't smoke inside"
And walking out to the deck, sitting on the wide rail, laying flat with his legs upright against the post, saying quietly
"9"
Keller under Sol against the railing asking
"How trouble, how many things do I need to box?"
Sol defeatedly said softly
"You know you could kill yourself with a butter knife"
Sighs and continues
"1 by haning, 1 by piss mother off, 3 by jumping, 2 by pill, 1 by cutting, 1 by head trauma"
Sol takes a couple of puff to his smock and continues
"I don't now why, never worked. Like jumping of a bridge, it was like I was going agastd gravity. The more I pushed, the less I could move."
Tony gasps sternly saying
"This is serious Sol"
Sol's quick to reply dryly
"No fucked, fucked is the word you looking for. You know maybe 18% of me, you haven't seen serious."
Tony firmly replies with painful hit
"Yeh well if I'm only seen 18%, we're only fucked at that point. It's my professional advice to put you in a padded room and throw the dam key to hell"
Sol simply saying 'no', and Cooper is heard
"Little J, I don't understand, I won't to..
to help, why, who, when,...I "
He trales off at that point , Sol walking inside for a moment returning with books, journals, writing in the only language he speaks, lyrics, after putting them in front of Max saying
"My soul, it's yours. But I never was one for unicorns"
Shrugs and seat's neat to Keller on the floor, putting out his now finished cigarette, saying
"You still have 15"
Picking up his other cigarette and lifting it, Keller takes a breath and asks
"How can I stop you, from yourself?"
Sol hmms and closed his eyes for a moment as he takes a puff of his cigarette, then replies softly
"I don't know, I thought going all in was best, then there was no backing out. But then I feel like I'm drowning, I don't know, really papa, sorry"
Keller chuckles for a moment before replying
"Sol, fuck I know how smart you are,
so how can you be this dumb"
Sol looks down and shrugs, Keller gently puts a finger under his chin, lifting his head to look at him saying
"You talk to me, Dad, both just fine, even the class, why"
Keller paused for a moment before continuing
"We stopped, chang topic, we didn't go all in. If your learning to swim, you don't go to the deep, it's fool harty."
Sol node's putting out his half finished cigarette, then leans on Keller's should and closing his eye, after a moment Cooper pipes in asking
"How old are these?"
Sol opening his eyes and giving Max he's full ation saying
"Early, maybe 8 or so."
Cooper node's
"Onestly I wont to lock you away like a princess, but that's unfair"
Rubbing the bridge to his nose, Sol continued
" I can give you a newer one to read?,
I was writing in it last night"
Cooper to quickly stands knocking the chair over and saying a soft 'Sorry, sorry', as picks up the chair Sol continues
"In my room, on the bedside table"
And just like that Max is off, Keller chuckles wrapping an arm around Sol and Adi speaks
"Sol your my baby brother I'll never judg you, and will always look out for you"
Taking a breath asking
"Can I call you baby.b?"
Sol smirks and nods with a simple
"Yah"
Liam gently try's asking
"Hay Sol.."
Sol codly said
"Stop holding your balls!"
Liam node's asking
"Do you get the tattoo and pirses because you won't to cut?, hurt"
Sol closed his eye for a moment then replied
"Tatto no, the pricing, hmm. No, not really just didn't care."
Coco looking lost ask
"What do you mean?"
Sol hmms before replying like he was reading a text book
"At the party I went to, it was a different world. Fuck, you would have to be comfortable taking a piss in a bathroom while some was doing speed on the bench and someone was getting tattoos or pirceing, because you didn't won't blood on the carpet."
Sol takes a breath and continues
"I always like earnings and tattoos,  so when your take a piss, and someone said 'Hay baby I'm free, you got space for me to play', as I said I didn't care. My tongue and belly button yes and my bars, payed for, but no I didn't think about.."
Davi quality finished for Sol
"Long term"
Sol node's and Liam said
"They look good on you, hmm with, without be a delinquent, yes"
Sol chuckles
"Thank you, yeh"
Kerry eyes bulg as he catch up asking
"Wait hold on you said toung!, what"
Sol pokes his tongue out showing his snake eye piercing. As Cooper returns, with book in hand. Walking over to Sol Kneeling down and saying softly
"Little J, I don't won't to bubble wrap you, you'll hate me for that. But you are not leaving our side for a while, Papa or me I don't mind either."
Sol smirks, node's and asks
"So, 'bring your suicide kid to work day'?"
Cooper chuckles and correct
"Month!"
Tony speaking up asking
"I would still like to be your therapist Sol. Every second day for now. You can call or send me songs anytime, what do you say?"
Sol smirks softly said
"Thanks, that would be good"
Everyone changed the topic, taking the spot light off Sol and continues with stuiped small talk much to Sol's releaf.