Saving Sin

Chapter 8

The mornings were always the hardest.

I spent countless hours of restless nights thinking about my next move.

I didn't want to worry Mars anymore but I knew that I had too.

My love never complained, he was genuinely interested in my well being and that made our love all the more special.

I would lay awake in bed at night, head on his chest, Kennah sometimes in the room down the hall, sometimes asleep at Rose's, and think about her.

My thoughts were constantly on the choices I made and how they were affecting her life.

I loved Mars I really did but nothing and no ones feelings seemed to matter when Kennah was concerned.

The bible says I was supposed to put my husband before my children because I clung to him, but my mother did that and she paid for that mistake with her life.

I know she loved my father, I know she would do it all over again, but I am not the woman she was.

I'm fragile yet not glass, I'm tempted to do bad things but with good reason and I'm in love but I'm not married to Mars.

Our promises are words put to action not ceremonial bells and a priest.

For a long time I believed I wasn't worth saving and sometimes I still feel that way, but then I remember Kennah , Mars , Asher and his family, they deserved life and longevity.

I was the best killer because I couldn't allow them to be killed. My family was my salvation and without them there was no forgiveness.

Lifting myself out of bed and into another day of being Sin, was really starting to destroy the woman I so desperately wanted to be.

The past few days had been a constant struggle with my decision and all I could think about was Kennah.

I sat her down on the Monster High bedsheets. She looked at me with a knowing smile and I kissed her forehead .

"Momma, I love Poppie but I don't want to stay here anymore , or at Uncle Asher's, I want to go home."

My hands cradled her chubby bunny face and a small tear rolled down my own.

Her small and fragile finger quickly brushed it away and I wondered when she became so grown up.

"Momma don't cry, I love you but I think I need to be wherever you and daddy are."

I nod my head slowly and agree with my genius little girl.

"Kennah, mommy moved in with Poppie because we're getting a new house. One closer to school and the park and Uncle Asher."

Her small hand completely palmed my face as if trying to memorize the features underneath her hands.

She nods again, her eyes glinting mischievously. As if she's determining wether or not I'm telling the whole truth, like she knows something more.

Her hands squeeze into my face as of burning the memory into her palms.
I watch her curiosity and notice her smile.

She smiles as if she's just discovered something within my face and she says

"Wherever we go momma you'll always be Kaitia , Sin is a nickname,she's not who you are, just a part."

There was a hopeful gleam in her eyes that reminded me so much of my mother.

The way she spoke just now , well beyond her years, so full of life, so much potential to do good.

"Baby, I'm your momma and thats all I want to be."