⌞ always the angel, never a god ⌝

⌞ fourty-three : starting again ⌝

"I figured you would. Come on."

_

I followed Rev, not finding the time to wonder what could be happening to Mako or even my car. People like these, I was starting to find out, did not care much for your car but only for how you raced it. Jules would have liked these people after he got over the idea of everything being illegal. I wonder what he would think of me now, as Rev talked to some people I assumed were in charge of races. 

I looked down at my car keys. The Senna would treat me well, I had learned this car from the many times I had seen Jules drive it and the many times I had helped him to repair the car. I knew it like the back of my hand. I could race it just as well. 

"Lily!" 

"Hm?" 

"You have the next race, let's go." 

"Oh. Right." 

I took Rev's hand as we weaved through the crowd back to my car. He was rambling on about the rules but my mind was elsewhere. I was about to race. I was about to actually race. Not just practice with Charlie, not just have a fun race against Nico and Lewis in karts, not just some stupid bet with Lore. I was going to race. 

My feet stopped working and I almost tripped as Rev tried to pull me even further. He caught both of us, and I apologized, everything slipping out in French. He waved a hand and I couldn't hear the words he was saying. He sighed and tugged on my hand but I couldn't move. Before I knew it, I was sitting on the hood of my car and there was a cold bottle pressed against the bare part of my stomach. 

"That's cold!" I hissed, finally coming back to my senses. 

"You looked like you were about to pass out, a thank you would be nice." 

I sighed. "Right, thank you." 

"Uh-huh." He said down on the hood next to me. "Now, what's going on?" 

I opened my mouth to tell him the truth but realized I did not know him. He was someone I met at the minimum, fifteen minutes ago. I hadn't told most of the people close to me the full truth about what I was feeling. And I was someone different out here, I wasn't Lu or Eli or Eilulia. I was someone that Jules always saw me to be. I was Lily. I was his Lily and I needed to act like it. 

_ 

I sat on the line. In the middle, of course. Give the worst part of the track to the new kid. I chuckled at the thought. The car to my right was a Porsche, black and every bit of the windows blacked out. I couldn't see the driver but I knew enough from the way the car was being revved as we sat here, to know that he thought highly of himself and would probably race the same. 

The car to my left was a Ferrari. A soft white, I silently thanked whatever God was out there for making sure it wasn't red. The windows were down and the kid sitting in the driver's seat couldn't be more than fourteen years old. If he was racing with that car at that age, I found myself worrying more about him.

But then I remembered that kart racing was the same thing, if not less safe. This kid looked like he knew what he was doing and I needed to stop worrying about him, I had a race to win. Or at least try to win. 

"Lily!" 

"Yes, sorry."

Rev chuckled. "The track-" 

"I know it. I memorized it from the race we watched." 

"Seriously?" 

I nodded. If there was one thing I was good at, it was tracks. I could look at it and for some reason, the turns mapped themselves in my head. Anything else, it was a battle to remember. But I could always remember tracks. I could race this blindfolded and not miss a single turn. 

"Well, that's because you've got something that most racers dream of." 

I looked up at Jules, trying to see him through the blacked-out visor of my helmet. He was smiling down at me as I asked why I could always see the tracks in my head but Charlie couldn't. 

"I don't understand." 

He sighed as he kneeled to me. I was freshly ten and sitting in a kart. Jules had rented out the place for us, as he always did when I came to visit. It was his way of making sure I got real training and not just some stupid back-handed criticism from Father. Jules might have been the only person to believe I could be more than just a challenge for Charlie. 

"You, my dear, are everything that even amazing racers-" 

"Like you!"

He snorted. "Sure, Lily. Like me. But you are something that most racers dream of being." 

"And what is that?" 

"A true talent." 

I tilted my head, not really understanding what he meant and he pushed my visor up so he could look me in the eyes. His smile comforted my confusion but my curiosity was still wanting to know what he was talking about. 

"You can see the track. And I mean see the track. You can see it in your mind and you could drive it, just as well. That's why you're good at pushing Charles. He can't see it like you can, most drivers can't either." 

"Can you?" 

He sighed, like he was remembering something. "Long ago, I could. But I think I lost it." 

"Oh no..." 

He patted my head, causing both of us to laugh. "Don't worry about me, little Lily. I don't need to have it, because my little racer has it. And that means that there is going to be another driver on that track that will worship it like it deserves." 

"Julessss, I'm not going to race. I'm just here to help Charlie!" 

"Maybe, but you could be something amazing. And I don't want you to ever push that to the side for Charles, you hear me?" 

I nodded, not wanting to disappoint him. 

"Good. You are going to change the racing world in a way that no one will ever see coming, my flower. You are going to be one of the drivers to go down in history and I promise I will be there to see it." 

I blinked, feeling the tears running down my face. I silently cursed under my breath as I wiped them away. Rev looked at me but he didn't ask any questions and I was thankful for it. I didn't think I would be able to handle that. 

"You ready, Lils?" 

I nodded, reaching for the crest that rested against the space between my collarbones. The metal was warm and it was almost like I could hear Jules. Rev had stepped away as the flag girl stepped towards the middle of the three cars, holding her shirt above her head. I took a deep breath, letting the crest fall back to it's spot. 

"Find the silence." 

And as the flag went down, my foot hit the pedal. 

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a/n: sorry this one took forever, i was struggling with some parts of it and your girl has to work. summer job, ayeee. but here it is for all my lovely readers. as always, love it or don't :p