My Beginning & The End: Where The Road Led [REWRITTEN]

A father to nobody

1.

A gust of warm wind against the cold still air.
It was sudden but I could feel it there.
As quickly as it moved, it went away as if someone else was there. I knew he was there,
I just hadn't connected that it was him.

Cold summer evening, the day had been fairly warm, so it was nice to feel the cool air brush against my skin. I went on a walk just before the sun would set. I strolled through the graveyard. I pondered about my lifes heading. Where was it going and what was I going to do. There was only one semester left of college, and I already felt lost and alone. No school, no homework, no lectures to attend, or teachers to guide me through work. What will I be without it all. I felt as if I was going in the wrong direction. Had I chosen the right career?

A sudden darkness came over the graveyard. The last daylight instantaneously disappeared into the dark. There was no other light to shine my way, not even street lamps to show me the path. Even in the dark, I could navigate through the pitch black. I had been visiting my father's grave since I was a little girl. The graveyard had been closed off for some time now. Only the few living relatives visiting, if there were any other than me. It was always empty and dull.

My father disappeared a week before my 13th birthday. His body was never found, but there was evidence suggesting he had drowned himself in the lake close to our house. He had left his shoes by the bank. His jacket was floating gently on the water. They searched the lake and surrounding forest but they never found him, they couldn't even find his car.

They threw down a headstone and held a small funeral. Then suddenly he was forgotten just as quickly as he went away. He was never beloved, nor was he hated. He was a nobody. He served as a single father only to me. I looked up to him as my hero as a child, but as I grew up, the worse his drinking habit became. I couldn't handle it. The screaming, the back and forth shouting between us. I could sense the pain in his heart, even when his eyes went blank. He was nothing but a lost soul. Now he's nothing but dirt and bones. All I have left is an empty hole and a wasted bucket of tears.

Life wasn't easier without him. Even in his fits of rage, there wasn't any other place I wanted but to go but to stay in his arms as he coddled me when I was still his little girl. I missed the years before he became a nobody, even to me. I missed the times he would celebrate his daughter's existence on a special day each year. When the 18th of June meant more than just a number and a date on a calendar. That day, I would have celebrated if not for his death. But without him, I, too, was a nobody, nobody to no one. At least he had me, and I had him. Now I have a cold stone with his name on it and a bundle of flowers to honor his memory. My mind wants to forget, but my heart lingers on. "Maybe he's not gone." I whispered under my breath as a figure appeared to be stood over his grave in the dark.