My Beginning & The End: Where The Road Led [REWRITTEN]

Ambivalent connection

15.

Even when I love you I can't confide in you. You're made of flesh and bones, but no blood streams through you. Only self-pity and regret keep you awake. Either way you see it, I'll never believe you'd change.

I woke up feeling nauseous. I jumped up out of bed and ran to the bathroom to vomit. I heard him run down the hall to the bathroom as he heard me throwing up. He grabbed a towel and held it under cold water, and wiped my face. I sat on the bathroom floor crying. I could still see my father's eyes. Sunken and grey, looking up into the light even if it was only the fire. "I'm a monster! I'm just as bad as him..." I cried out. His face angered as he heard me say it. "He was a monster. He had it coming, whether it was me who did it or someone else doesn't matter." He said with disdain in his voice. "My angel. You are far from being any monster, Evelyn." I heard as his voice softened as he quickly forgot about my father and what he had supposedly done. He's never said directly what he had done. I don't want to know what he did, I can feel the pain of the consequences of what it was, but that's also all that I can remember.

The day went by slower than any of the others. I cried the tears I thought I had tucked away to carry to my grave. Damien hopelessly tried to comfort me in any way he could. He only made things worse. He should have been the one crying since he was the one who took a life that was not his to take. He hadn't even warned me beforehand. He just killed him on a whim, I guess. He betrayed me even if I didn't let him know it. The memories of my father were already painful enough, and Damien only added another pound of bricks to make me carry his guilt for him, too. How much can one soul handle.

My head was pounding, and my eyes were burning and puffy. Everything hurt. But somehow, despite all that, I managed to fall asleep cuddled in his arms.