My Beginning & The End: Where The Road Led [REWRITTEN]

Oblivious souls

5.

"My little lamb, you walked into my trap. Clutched in my fist, trying to escape only to find the way out, was never in life nor living."

As foolish as I felt, I had to tell the police. I had to tell someone something. They should know there's a potential killer on the hunt. I just hope I'm wrong. It could have been an accident. Maybe I'm just dreaming...

I paced around the apartment. Moving things around, thinking I was an interior designer suddenly. I organized every grain of dust, and every little detail had to be put into its own little basket. I made everything sparkling. Then, when I finished the interior, I went outside and decided to clean the windows. When I had finished doing that it wasn't enough for me, so I also cleaned the car. I needed to do everything to try and distract my mind. I even cleaned the interior of the car. It wasn't enough, but I couldn't just sit down and be stuck thinking about him laying there in his hospital bed hopeless, defenseless, and suffering because I wasn't there for him.

After all that cleaning, I felt useless. There was no longer anything to do to escape my guilt. I sat down and collapsed on my bed. All the tears I had held together came undone. Like a rainy day, I poured down my sorrows. I sniffed and shuffled in bed. I felt as if someone had pushed me off a ledge that I had been walking on for far too long.

I remember who I was. I used to be a daughter. A child playing on the beach, clutching sand in my hand, intending to eat it before it ran through my fingers. The surprise on my face, I hadn't seen it coming, even if it was obvious. It had been coming for a long time.
The sand turned into people, people turned into love, and love turned into pain.
My life after love changed who I was for good. I no longer craved my father's embrace or his silly stories of bears or trauma. I craved someone else. Someone I loved enough to leave. But now that he's almost gone, I feel incomplete again. A nobody's daughter just as I was before.

I fell asleep. I had a dream that Ethan sat at the end of my bed, looking down at his hands. I called out to him, but it was like he wasn't really there. I lightly touched his shoulder, and he jumped up and ran out of the room. I chased after him, trying to catch up to him. I ran and I ran. He left through a forest, and soon enough, I recognized where he was going.

He left his shoes by the bank.
Watching as he sunk down to the bottom unable to save him.
I wanted to run after him into the lake. Something held onto me just as I stepped into the water. I looked out as I saw his coat float to the top. I woke up freezing cold with dried tears in my eyes.

Looking around the apartment, everything was a mess. I had moved the couch to the other side of the living room, staring out through the window. The coffee table became a kitchen table. The kitchen table was now a statement piece in the living room.

I sumbled back into my room to ignore the world once more. I had no reason to get up. I felt there was no reason to change it. Why not keep things as they are. Stop trying to change when there's nothing to improve when all it does is send me ten steps backward. Why not stay the same when it's all going to rot and decay away in the end.

- - -

I tried my best to keep myself awake so I wouldn't sink, but I kept falling asleep. The thought of the man who attacked Ethan haunted me more than he did himself. I could see Ethan in my dreams. He would always be somewhere in the apartment, but each time I got closer and closer, he would get up and run out. He would frequently go to my father's grave. Each time I caught up to him, something held me back. I never thought to look back to see who it was that didn't want me to reach him. I would wake up frustrated, not getting any closer to Ethan or just peeking quickly behind me to see what it was.
Whenever I dreamt of Ethan, I wouldn't see the pale blue eyes in the dark. I would only see the faintest outline of what I presumed to be a figure of him.

"Ethan. No, don't do it! -Ethan!"
I woke up in the middle of the night screaming. Enough is enough. I put on my slippers and a jacket and ran out to the car, leaving my phone at home. I left hurriedly. I couldn't sleep anymore. I kept crying and screaming and waking up to my own agony.

I drove to the graveyard where he was buried and followed a dimly lit path down to his grave. I sat down beside him and looked up to the clear sky. There were no clouds, only stars full of hope and wonder dancing around the half lit moon.

"I forgive you." I said, looking up at a shooting star wishing he would hear me. "Don't leave me here, dad." I said before rolling to the side facing his headstone. I closed my eyes and clutched the ground crying.
The wind picked up and russeled the leaves on the trees. A light breeze brushed lightly against my face, drying the remainder of my last tears.
I opened my eyes and saw someone standing at the other side of his grave. He crouched down just as I sat up. "It's you, isn't it." I said as my eyes layed on his.

"Shame, he always brought up a fight." He uttered, looking at the name carved into the stone. I stood up quickly, as did he. My heartbeat raced as I felt fury come over me. I tasted blood on my tongue just as I felt the need to exact revenge.

"You psychotic monster! You cruel and evil creature. What the hell do you think you are."

"Evelyn, -"

"-Evelyn. I'm not fucking Evelyn." I said angirly before trying to walk away. He grabbed my arm. I looked back at the stranger. He pulled me closer to him and told me to relax. I felt nothing but terror. The anger I boar just seconds before fleeted away. He asked me to forget, but he never said what, the night, or just the encounter. Maybe even Ethan or his own existence. A mistake I remembered.

He held my hand and walked me back to my car. I couldn't fight him. I didn't want to. I couldn't even argue. I just let him lead the way. I felt so small. Like a little bug he could easily crush. Just one squish and I'd be gone for good.

He drove me home and tucked me in bed and told me to fall asleep, so I did at an isntant. My first night of full sleep since my day of birth. I had no dream nor nightmare. I listened to every word he spoke. I did as he told like a dire fool.

I couldn't forget him. His scent, his way of speaking, his fingers running through my hair, the way he held me close for just a moment. It was as if he was a statue hidden away beneath ash and dirt deep beneath the ground that before he was exhumed. He reminded me of something I had let go of. Like feeling nostalgia for a cigarette. I knew it was bad for me, but I couldn't let the thought of it go even though I tried it only once.