until the end of time | seungjoo

:𝔣𝔦𝔳𝔢:

"Are you mad with me?" Seungmin said barely audibly. He was very scared to ask this question, knowing that the targeted person of these words was Jooyeon; his dearest friend.

"What?" He shook his head, a smile instantly contrasting his previously 'bored', as Seungmin thought, expressions. "I'm not mad, not at all."

"Oh," was all he managed to say. They were sitting in the room alone, and the air, as if someone sucked it off with a straw, seemed to shrink, leaving them two with each other and only each other.

"Why did you think so?"

"I don't know," he shrugged his shoulders. He felt guilty. He would never ever accuse Jooyeon of such a thing, but he was so sure he didn't want to be there with him. He looked forced, as if angry or frustrated. "I'm sorry."

"You can tell me," Jooyeon got up, coming closer to Seungmin, who nervously blinked his eyes a few times. "I won't get mad," he winked at him, "you have my word."

And Seungmin debated it for a few moments. Wouldn't it be good if he told him what was bothering him about his behaviour, what felt odd, and what made him more than just sure that Jooyeon was mad with him? It could be good for them. Jooyeon will explain the reason behind it to Seungmin, and he will feel calm with this knowledge, he will not think any longer about the answers to all these questions...

This convinced him enough to speak up.

"Well..." he choked out, finding himself lowering his voice out of blue. "You looked bored."

Mouthing these words, Seungmin stared at Jooyeon and noted the slightest reactions on his face, as if it were to help him find the answer before the boy phrases it. At first, he furrowed his eyebrows, and opened his lips slightly, as if busted... but then, he shook his head left and right, and as if shaking off the quite puzzled look off his face, he smiled at him widely.

"Bored?" He burst out laughing loudly, which sounded a little too nervous to Seungmin, but he was too busy concentrating on his answer to really register it in his mind. "Never. How could you even think that way?"

"I-I dunno."

He did know. He felt his ears burn as he let this lie slip through his lips, but he couldn't just tell Jooyeon everything...

He had a clear impression that Jooyeon was so annoyed with him and everything he did nowadays, as if his slightest movement made his little friend so irritated, as if each whisper made his ear bleed, and each second spent together passed to him like hours, if not years.

That's what it felt like, and that was still what Seungmin could see.

Jooyeon instead of smiling at him, bit his lower lip, tore his eyes away from him, and sat down on the floor, nearly facing him... which made Seungmin hurt.

For the past few days Seungmin couldn't shake the feeling that Jooyeon did not want to be with him, which was a very unusual thing for him. He always loved being with Seungmin, doing whatever any of them wanted, and just feeling the presence of the other one.

It didn't matter if Seungmin wanted to run or just read a book in silence; Jooyeon was good with all that, but now? It looked like he preferred if they were as far away from each other as possible. Very strange, if Seungmin were to say anything about it.

"You are mad," he whispered, pressing his lips tightly together. His eyes were narrowed, and he clenched his fists on both sides of his body. "I know you are."

"No," Jooyeon shook his head in response. His gaze was still dropped to the ground as if talking about it was more than just difficult for him, as if slowly uttering each word made him closer to losing himself. "I just miss home," he said eventually, words leaving his lips with a note of sorrow.

"I miss home too, Yeonny," Seungmin let out.

He couldn't believe he accused his friend of being mad with him... He felt more than just abashed with each moment they spent in silence.

"I just don't know when I'll go back," Jooyeon said almost inaudibly, as if being a shade louder would do much harm. "I don't wanna be there forever."

Seungmin has never seen him this... vulnerable, sensitive and jittery. Jooyeon and looking lost didn't go in a pair, and there they were now.

Jooyeon was always smiling; no matter what, and now, his face looked rather puzzled, and his ever so prominent smile was replaced with a little pout, as if he was trying his best to trap his tears inside of him.

"It's been so many days since I last seen my room," he choked out, pushing the purple car he was playing with hard across the floor. "I don't even remember where some things are placed anymore."

As he got up to catch the toy, Seungmin noticed how slumped his shoulders were, and how unsettled his steps were. Everything in his demeanour screamed that things were off.

And Seungmin, knowing Jooyeon for a very long time, had a knowledge that any change in the way he behaved was a clear sign that he was worrying a lot.

"What if I forget the way it looks one day?" He picked up the toy and turned the wheel with his finger, making his way to sit next to Seungmin.

"You won't." He spouted, crossing his fingers for these words to come true, and then he sneakily peeked at Jooyeon, whose head was still pretty much lowered, and he tapped on the plastic car very nervously. "I promise."

"I hope so," he grunted.

For the past three days, Jooyeon had been acting differently, and Seungmin noticed it all. At first, he tried to deny all these obvious signs (all weird grimaces with each word spoken to Seungmin), and ignored the discomfort telling him that something was bothering Jooyeon. He would bite his lip whenever Jooyeon closed his eyes for a second longer than usual, because he didn't want to let him know that he could see that something was off; that he was not himself.

Additionally, thinking that Jooyeon was angry with him made him try his best to push all these thoughts aside and pretend not to see anything. Yet, despite all these efforts, he couldn't make it. Jooyeon couldn't fool him. He was his dearest friend, and hiding such a thing was pretty hard.

But now that he knew what was the factor of it, he felt very guilty. How could he ever think that Jooyeon got angry with him?

He shook his head not liking the way he thought, and instead of that, he focused on Jooyeon, who now, having left the car on the duvet behind him, was gripping the material of his pants tightly. He was very nervous.

Not knowing what else to do, Seungmin passed him a lollipop he had hidden in his drawer last friday, and hoped to make him smile even for a little bit. He hated seeing him in this state, mind reminding that it was his first time looking like that. Nonetheless, he managed to miss this lovely smile already.

He only hoped it would be the last situation like that.