until the end of time | seungjoo

:𝔣𝔦𝔣𝔱𝔢𝔢𝔫:

Waking up, thinking, going to check up on Jooyeon, being told to go away, wandering back to his room, setting up the chair, sitting, watching, going to eat, going to sleep.

Seungmin worked almost like a robot. His whole day was programmed and each step measured with precision.

It was so tiring for him, but he knew he had to do all that for Jooyeon, no matter how bad he wanted to sleep or how thirsty he was; he had to do everything from his list, because it was his duty.

Still, one day, he had had enough. He didn't want to only observe him from the little distance that to him seemed like eternity. He wanted to be right next to him—talk with him, hug him, do anything—but no.

"I was wondering if you wanted to—"

"I don't know," Jooyeon whispered this time looking straight at Seungmin, who couldn't help but nervously scan his whole body. His face, his eyes, lips, ears, shoulders... everything. And he looked pale. Nothing and much else besides.

Seungmin had difficulties naming anything that he presented to him, staring at him like that. It was as if there was no emotion behind those big eyes, and simultaneously a lot of them.

"You don't know?"

"I can't." He drawled, and as Seungmin noticed, his heart beat slowed down for a second, just to then work at the highest, unimaginable speed.

"We could just lay there and talk... I don't mind doing anything."

"No, Seungmin." He shook his head abruptly. "I can't means I can't. Gunil was looking for you, he said that it is important, so better find him because it is pretty urgent."

Blinking at Jooyeon for a few seconds, he tried his best to offer him a smile, a short one that would tell him that he really missed him, and one that would tell him how much he cares for him and wants to be close... but the corners of his mouth couldn't even twitch. He stood there still, listening to his words.

Gunil had something important to tell him.

"He was there ten minutes ago," Jooyeon went on, and Seungmin observed him as if hypnotised. It hurt seeing him be this still. He used to move a lot. Jump, smile, laugh, spin around, and repeat. And now? He laid there barely moving his hand or even a head. "I told him you're not there, so he's probably looking for you now. Go to him."

Seungmin swayed on his feet for a few seconds.

He didn't know what hurt more; the way that Jooyeon lied to him or the way that he didn't want to spend any while longer with him.

Gunil hasn't been to the hospital for a long time now. The last time Seungmin had seen him was about two weeks ago. A few days after Hyeongjun's departure from the hospital. So there was no way he would go to Jooyeon's room to look for him, let alone have anything urgent to tell him.

Seungmin couldn't do anything better now. He nodded his head and turned around to quietly leave the room.

As he stood in the doorframe, he turned around to look at Jooyeon for the last time before walking away this day. And it pained seeing him like that.

"I love you," he whispered, feeling his chin tremble, and as quickly as it was possible ran away from there, making the door slam shut with a piercing noise.

Little did he know that Jooyeon, similarly to him, turned in bed to the other side, so that he was turned away from the window in the doorway, and felt the tears soak into the white pillow under his head.

Everything boiling in Seungmin's body made it so hard to perform any step as if he was slowly becoming a still statue. The tears dried to his cheeks, and he let out an uneven breath trying to collect himself, before making his way to the playground, which soon after he regretted. He thought that being there would make his humour light up, but no. It got even worse.

Everyone here was having fun, and he, without his bubbly best friend, stood there not knowing what to do. It was impossible to enjoy being there without him.

Even worse when thinking about the fact that he couldn't just go to his room and have a simple talk or even lay there without words hanging in the air.

As much as he wanted to do anything, he couldn't. Jooyeon didn't want him anywhere near.