until the end of time | seungjoo

:𝔫𝔦𝔫𝔢𝔱𝔢𝔢𝔫:

It happened very suddenly.

Seungmin's parents stood next to his bed watching him as he laid there, not even moving.

The doctor was in the room as well. He had a pile of papers in his hands that was ready for his parents to fulfil in a second.

"Thank you for everything," the father said, nodding his head ever so gravely.

"No need to," Younghyun shook his head to the left and right. "We always try to do our best."

Seungmin had been feeling very uncomfortable for some time, but not because of his health, but rather because he knew he would have to leave the place soon.

And today this day came. He was in the bed with his hands crossed on his chest and without even looking at the doctor or his parents he kept on thinking about what would happen when he visits home.

Home.

He didn't really know what home really was for him anymore. It used to be a thing—a building; the one at the end of the street with a big garden and a swing in the middle of it—a thing that he wanted to go back to so badly when he first entered hospital.

Now, thinking about home, he wasn't sure if it really was that certain building, or even a place in the world.

Sitting on the bed, staring out the window, he couldn't help but feel something strong twist in his stomach. He closed his eyes strongly, wanting the weird sensation to leave his body.

He no longer thought about comfort when the word home (in the sense of his house) crossed his mind, which was a thing that he would do even a few months ago.

Now he felt nothing. It was numb.

He was going to open the door to his room in about three hours and it didn't feel even a bit exciting. It felt... well, in fact, he couldn't even tell what it felt like. He just knew he was going to be in his old room, and that was it. Nothing more.

Thinking about it, he couldn't shake the feeling that, somehow, he lost his home. He lost the factor that made him feel so at ease and so comfortable. He lost the most important thing in his life, and he knew that getting it back was impossible.

"You've done well, Seungmin." Doctor Younghyun patted him on the head, and he didn't even smile at him. He couldn't. This moment didn't feel like a thing anyone would smile at. "Now, you're ready to go."

He may have been going to finally leave this place where his health was once so miserable, but he lost something so meaningful to him while being there.

It didn't feel like a very positive moment to celebrate then.

When they finally walked out of the hospital Seungmin still couldn't feel any ounce of happiness throbbing in his body. There was nothing.

His eyes wandered through the places he knew so well—a spot on the grass where he and Jooyeon would sit on the picnic blanket and play with cars, a driveway where they tasted snowflakes—and he suddenly swallowed.

Recalling the past while being there with a backpack with his toys inside ready to board the car and get back home felt out of place. It was as if something very crucial wasn't there.

Something about the reality made him forget how it was to miss anything else but his friend.

Grasping that he wasn't there was still hard. And he, while getting into the car, had an impression that it would stay that way for a very long time. With his trembling chin he squeezed the hand of his Zorro harder and tried to blow out the air through his lips as slow as possible.