overtime- ashtray

34

Felicity awoke to the sharp sting of sunlight piercing through the thin, faded curtains. Her head pounded, a rhythmic throb that synchronized with the chaotic neat of her racing heart. She squinted, trying to make sense of her surroundings. The room was familiar, cluttered with debris of a life lived on the edge. Clothes were strewn across the floor empty bottles and crushed cans littered every surface, and the lingering scent of stale smoke hung in the air. 

She struggled to sit up, her body heavy and sluggish. As she moved, a wave of nausea crashed over her, forcing her to collapse back onto the mattress. Her mouth was dry, and her tongue felt like sand paper. She swallowed, wincing at the bitter taste that coated her throat. 

Memories of the previous night flickered through her mind like a broken film reel, disjointed and hazy. She remembered Ashtray's stern face. "Don't go to that party, Felicity it's not safe". She brushed his warning of, lying to him about it, now paying the price for his defiance. 

Felicity forced herself to sit up again, this time more slowly. Her vision swam, blinking rapidly, trying to clear the fog from her mind. The room gradually came into focus, it was Ash's. The mismatched furniture, the eclectic posters on the walls, and the faint sound of their muffled voices from the other room confirmed her location.

Her clothes were not hers, baggy and comfy. She ran a trembling hand through her curly, tangled hair, wincing as she encountered knots and tangles. The events of the night began to coalesce into a more coherent picture. The party, the drinks, the laughter. The sharp, unfamiliar taste of spiked punch. Faces blurred, voices distorted. She remembered stumbling out of someone's arms, feeling detached from her own body and then... nothing. 

Panic seized her. She had no idea what had happened after that. Had she done something embarrassing? Who was holding her? Had they taken advantage of her vulnerable state? She wrapped her arms around herself, a chill settling in her bones despite the summer heat.

"Felicity?"  The voice was soft, hesitant. She turned to see Ashtray standing in the doorway, his usually composed face etched with worry. His eyes scanned her, assessing the damage.

"Ash" Fee started sobbing, her eyes becoming red. "Ash I am sorry." Ashtray tried to disguise his look of sympathy, he had to remain angry. For now. "Come on, you need to shower" Ash picked her up, bridal style taking her towards the bathroom. She nested her face into his chest, her muffled sobs vibrating against him. Ash placed her on the counter, turning the shower on. He placed a towel next to her on the counter side. "Get unchanged, I will wait for you out here." Ash walked out, shutting the door behind her. 

FEES POV

He didn't even tell me it was okay, didn't even attempt to comfort me but left me to cry in his bathroom. I took my top of, placing it carelessly on the floor, letting the cold air attack my skin, taking the rest of my clothes off. 

I stepped into the shower, the hot water cascading over me like a purifying waterfall. As the steam enveloped me, I closed my eyes, letting the warmth seep into my aching muscles. The pounding in my head began to dull, and the remnants of last night's chaos started to wash away, swirling down the drain. I reached for the soap, the scent of Ashtray filling the air, and scrubbed my skin as I could erase the mistakes I made. The water mixed with my tears, but in that moment, it was hard to tell which was which. All I knew was that I wanted to feel clean again, inside and out. I rubbed an unknown shampoo in my hair, assuming it to be Faye's, rinsing through my roots. Lastly, I lathered my hair in layers of conditioner, in hope to de tangle my hair. Usually, this is not my daily hair routine, but I had to make-do. 

I turned the shower off, stepping out, the cold breeze hit me again. I grabbed the towel, Ash had left on the side, wrapping it above my chest. My reflection in the mirror was awful, I looked tired, mascara all under my eye, my hair dripping down my shoulders. Right now, I couldn't hate myself more. 

I left the bathroom, meeting with Ashtray who was sat patiently on the end of his bed, I covered my face on the way in with her towel. "Don't cover your face Felicity, you look fine." Ash huffed, making his way towards me. 

"I don't have any clothes, only my dress." I looked around the room, in desperation to find something,

"Put it back on, I am taking you home." Ash chucked the dress over at her, along with her bra and underwear.

Taking me home? What the fuck, not even going to speak to me. I was enraged. I understand he probably felt slightly betrayed and lied to about me going to the party, surely he could understand? "I can take myself home." I spat at him, walking back into the bathroom.

"No you can't, not dressed like that." Ash argued back, standing outside the door whilst I got changed. 

"Well I am, considering you won't give me any other clothes to wear." 

"Fine" He huffed, his voice distancing from the door. Seconds after, tracksuit bottoms and a too big of a t shirt got chucked round the door. 

I rolled the tracksuit bottoms, pushing them below my waist and tucking the bottom of the shirt into my bra, cropping it. My hair was already air drying, causing it to incredibly frizzy. "Ash where is my phone?" I stepped out the small room with a heavy attitude. 

He pulled it out of his pocket. "Here" I gave him a simple nod.

"Okay well bye then" I walked out of his no room giving him no time to respond, I just turned his own tricks right back at him. If he wanted to be like that, he can have it like that. The hall was quiet, the only sound projecting the house was the sound of the TV, Fezco perched on the corner of the house. "Hey Fez"  I picked my heels up by the door. Looks like I am walking bare footed.

"Kid, you good? You were pretty fucking awful last night." Fez quickly rose from his position, rushing over to me. 

I gave him a simple nod, going to leave. "You going?" I looked behind me and gestured my head towards Ashtrays room shrugging, without giving him a say, I left. The warm air hitting me within seconds, fuck. The sun did not help my awful headache. I turned my phone on, watching all the notifications pop up on my screen. To many people checking up on me, asking how I am. Do people not get the hint, everything reminded me of last night and quite frankly, I didn't want the recollection of it.

One message caught my eye. 

UNKNOWN NUMBER

-I hope you liked our kiss last night, your reaction told me otherwise. You know I have always loved you, and you betrayed me for that drug dealer. I know you can do better darling, and that's me. You know, I watch you walk to work, that coffee shop round the corner. I sent those boys in to give you attention, I gave you that large tip. I watch what your doing to keep you safe. Clearly he doesn't, if he really liked you, possibly loved you, he would of known yesterday. You need me. You will have me.

PS: I am sorry for the drugs I gave you last night, surprised you made it not going to lie. LOL. I would scare you if I told you what you took.

Sent with love, J

Xxx

My heart dropped, I felt empty, unsafe and angry with myself. How did I not see this coming, how did I not know it was him? Why the fuck are you stupid Felicity? What have you done? Those phrases repeated in my head, I let myself crash to rock bottom. Crying hopelessly in the streets, not giving a care what anybody thought because how can life get possibly any worse than this.

----

It had been hours,  her eyes red and puffy from the crying. Tear stains down her face, she couldn't stop herself. She had let herself down massively this time, for good. Fee's felt saw and heavy, she must of been staring at the roof for hours now. Counting every second, of every minute. Derealisation hitting. And just with that, a knock came from the door.