overtime- ashtray

41

"What about this one?" Ash suggested, reading out the description. 

Both of them had been flicking through Netflix for 45 minutes trying to find the right movie, yet they couldn't agree on any. They had probably been through every single movie or series available. 

"We are clearly never going to agree on one, let's do something else." Felicity shook her head, grabbing her phone of the coffee table. 

"Nooo, let's watch a series then, cmon' Felicity were watching something." Ash grabbed her phone out the girls hands, placing it in his pocket. 

"What if I don't want to watch anything." Felicity spat at him, reaching for his pocket, Ash quickly stopping her.

"Well, that would be unlucky for you, because we are." He chuckled, putting her in a friendly hold, restraining her from moving.

---

"Fuck man, it has been a long week, school really fucks you up you feel me." Rue grumbled, collapsing back onto Fezco's couch. "Ash don't keep yo ass company round here no more?" She questioned, looking around the room for a sight of the boy, grabbing rolling papers out her pocket.

"Nah he chillin' with Fee man." Fezco responded from behind her.

"Shitt, remember like what was it, a year ago or two I motherfucking said they would fall for each other or sum mad shit like that." Rue pointed out, eager for everyone in the room to know she called their relationship. 

Rue had officially given up, every day she would tell herself, okay rue this is it, one last time. But that once last time became just words with no meaning, no goals and no purpose. It was coming up to the anniversary of her dads death, and at this moment in time, Rue felt like she, as a person, had no meaning, no goals and no purpose. Socially, she found herself struggling, now that in Rue's head, she wasn't a good person, thinking she also wasn't a good person for the people around her either. Time wasn't a thing anymore, life was merged into a never ending loop of familiar. Each month, each week, each day, each minute and each hour was the same, the same feeling of guilt, regret, grief and depression. People would say depression isn't a feeling but it is.

Depression is like this weight that sits on your chest, pressing down, making it hard to breathe, It's waking up every morning and feeling like your drowning before you've even left your bed. It's the numbness that spreads through your body, making even the simplest of tasks feel like monumental efforts. Every physical and mental step feels heavy, every though is clouded. It's the constant battle in your mind, where you're fighting just to get through the day, but every victory feels hollow, because you know tomorrow you will have to do it all over again. It's feeling disconnected from everything and everyone, like you're watching your life play out from a distance, but your not really there. It's the exhaustion that seeps into your bones, making you want to sleep forever just to escape the relentless pain. It's wanting to be happy, to feel something, but not knowing to break free rom the darkness that traps you.

Most people would say it goes after a while, but for Rue she's swam to far down, she won't be able to swim to the surface without a lot of help. Fezco doesn't want to give her the drugs, but he knows if he doesn't give in something could happen, something that would cause him forever heartbreak. He manages how much he gives her and how far apart, constantly instructs Ashtray to not give anything to her if he's not present and refuses to give her anything strong enough to cause damage. In some ways, Rue will forever will be his sister he never asked for. 

"Uhuh." Fez nodded in false agreement. 

----

Felicity sank into Ashtrays chest, finally allowing herself a rare moment of relaxation. The dim light from the television flickered across her face as she tabbed her joint on the tray. The room was quiet, save for the low murmur of dialogue from the movie, everything seemed just right.

Ashtray, his hand resting gently on her thigh. Felicity leaned closer into him, feeling a sense of calm wash over her. The movie was nearing it's climax, the characters fate hanging in balance, when her phone vibrated on the table beside her. She sighed, glancing at the screen at the screen. The caller ID showed up as an unknown number.

Felicity hesitated but picked up, "Hello?"

The voice on the other end was strained and unfamiliar. "Is this Felicity?"

"Yes, speaking," She responded, her brow furrowing in concern, the manner of her tone catching Ashtray's attention. 

"I am calling from St.Mary's  Hospital examiners office. I am afraid, I have some bad news. Your sister, Salia, has passed away unexpectedly. We don't know the cause of death yet, but police will be in quick contact with you to explain what we know. I am sorry." 

Felicity's world shattered in an instant. "What? No, there must be some mistake." She stammered, her voice trembling. 

"I'm so sorry for your loss," The voice continued, but Felicity could no longer hear them, The phone slipped from her hand, clattering on the floor.

Ashtray quickly sensed her distress, pulling her rag-doll like body into his arms. She was engulfed by a wave of grief and shock, struggling  to breathe. Her hands shook as she covered her face, tears streaming uncontrollably. 

"Ashtray, I can't.. I just can't..." She chocked out, her voice breaking. "Please, just go."

Confused and hurt, Ashtray rose to his feet, hovering over her hopeless body. "Felicity, talk to me ma, what happened. Talk to me." he said softly, reaching out to her.

"No, please," She sobbed turning away, rejecting his touch. "I need to be alone."

Reluctantly, Ashtray left the room, casting a worried glance back at her before closing the door behind him. He knew she wasn't going to give in. Felicity's heart ached with an unbearable pain as the reality of her sisters death began to sink in. She felt utterly alone, the silence of the room now oppressive and suffocating. 

Felicity curled into a ball in the arm chair, her sobs echoing in the empty room. The movie played on, it's once captivating story now a distant background noise. She was consumed by her sorrow, mourning the loss of her beloved sister, Salia, who had been her confidante, enemy at times, her friend and her only family. 

The night stretched on, every minute was an eternity. Felicity's grief was a relentless tide, pulling her under again and again. A knock at the door cancelled out the sound of her watch ticking, the energy in the air and her odd sniff.