Eight | W2S

FORTY.

Hahahah call me Taylor Swift with the double update (I will never forget how CHAOTIC that day was). Enjoy!

The initial chords of Wondering came through on the speakers, and it was like everyone stopped breathing. The room was completely silent, everyone taking it in.

This song hadn't been heard by anyone other than Sam and Faith, and even then they both looked like they were listening for the first time.

I held onto Harry's hand, and he was squeezing mine back too, his eyes closed, like they always were when he listened to my music.

I was in awe of how everyone was taking in the music, and couldn't help but avert my gaze around the room, trying to decipher how everyone was feeling about it.

Some people were nodding their heads along, trying to find the beat, some were stood completely still. It was mesmerising.

There was a collective but subtle gasp when the chorus built up, truly showcasing my voice, and a few people gave me impressed looks.

The reaction to the bridge was my favourite, though, and it was easy to tell which people were truly listening to the lyrics.

Harry was one of those people, even opening his eyes and giving me a sad smile. I would talk to him properly about the songs later, but for now I knew he was just appreciating the music.

The song came to an end, and all I could hear was applause.

"That song was Wondering...the next song is called Nothing New, and I hate to break it to you but the depressing song theme continues," I announce to everyone as the next song started up.

Once again, only Faith and Sam had heard this song, although the version Faith had heard was in its beginning stages. This was the complete version, and sounded so much more provoking than the first copy.

Whilst the song was on, I managed to make eye contact with my dad, beckoning him over to where I was stood with Harry, Faith and Sam. The next song was about mum, and I wanted him next to me when it played.

He still hadn't heard it. No one had apart from Harry and Sam, and it slightly terrified me.

He stood next to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulder.

"Poppet, you are amazing," he whispers, kissing my head as the song progressed, nearing the chorus.

I smile but don't say anything back, allowing him to listen to it properly.

Once again that song comes to an end, and I signal to the DJ to give me a moment before he plays the next song.

"The next song on the album is called Lost Without You, and it's a song about my mum, and feelings surrounding that. It's probably one of, if not the most personal songs on the album, and I really hope you enjoy it," I manage to say it without crying, and the music starts, my voice coming from the speakers.

Harry's heard this song already, and so grips my other free hand, rubbing his thumb over my hand to comfort me.

When I'd written it, I was in an entirely different place and mindset than what I was in now, and it was all down to Harry. All of those bad choices, the mistakes I'd made, had led me to making peace with the feelings I'd been dealing with for eleven years.

And it was a process that had led to right now, a scenario where I felt comfortable and secure enough in my own feelings to play a song this personal to a large crowd of people.

As the song progressed, I looked over at my dad, and although his eyes were closed, there were tears streaming down his face.

I give his hand a squeeze, and he squeezes back, and it's all we both need in the moment, sharing a mutual feeling that mum was with us both in that moment. She always would be.