Dear Nathan...

Torn...

It's really amusing how in a so short a time, a lot could happen.

"You" happened to her.

You promised. A lot.

then ... You had to go somewhere ...

She waited ... she believed ... she hoped...

And maybe now, she just got tired...
because I think she just decided to stop trying.

It isn't that she did not love you or she does not anymore -- she still does... I guess she will always do -- she said so.

Maybe she just got tired of waiting -- and hoping.

She loved you so much to the point that it was already hurting her.

I can understand her. I feel for her.

I have told you for so many times that whatever pain she may have felt, is feeling, and will eventually feel in time, would hurt me a hundred times -- maybe even more.

I saw her cry ... a bucketful. a lot more than that -- really.

And there were so many times when I just had to ask her to let you go... for her own good.

I said, sometimes when something seems to be dragging us down, draining us of our emotions and is already tearing us to pieces, we need to let go of it --

No matter how much we loved it... no matter how much we wanted to keep it... but she just won't give up on you yet.

She said, she really believes you'll eventually come around -- you just needed time.

How she really believed in you, huh?
You see, that's just how she was --

So trusting... so very vulnerable.

I know how much she has loved you and in fact, still loves you , but I know that it is much better that she decided to just stop trying from right here...

to stop hurting herself.

She has to move on. She has to live.

She has practically built her life around you. She believed in everything that you promised her. She believed that, as much as you have made her happy, she was what made you happy too.

She believed and had that confidence in whatever you both had.

But from the very moment she felt you were starting to pull away, I saw the confidence she had in her heart, just start to waver .

She literally began losing her smile ...

And her laughter slowly started fading away.

It was like seeing her scores go from a hundred down to zero... like seeing her from full of life to being drained and empty.

There were even times when she would just suddenly, blankly stare at the vast skies and ask me to wrap her in my arms -- then she would start shaking ... and begin sobbing uncontrollably like a child until she lost her already cracked voice and almost always went hyperventilating...

then she wouldn't even say a single word.

I am neither kidding nor putting things in exaggeration, that's literally what happened!

It was a very painful thing to watch.
And the hardest part of it was that,
there wasn't even a single darned thing
that I could do to take away that excruciating pain she felt in her heart.

You can never imagine the extreme anger I bottled up during that time.

Oh, how I really wished to just find you and grab anything within my reach and just thwack you in the face if it was the least that i could ever do just to see you go through twice the pain that she went through, bit by bit, over and over again.

To watch you getting tortured in front of me, would pale in comparison to what I was already doing to you in my mind that very moment.

Do you remember when I jokingly said I had to "abort my mission"?

Yes. I am guilty beyond reasonable doubt -- I really, honestly, did think of ways to get a remarkable payback for that emotional torment that she was going through.

I was ready to wreak havoc -- believe you me.

But silly-old me, I just found myself "begging" you instead, to just come back that time (remember?)...

I have to say, I was torn between being a supportive friend and a protective mom ... but for whatever reason I couldn't figure yet -- until now actually, I allowed both the supportive friend and the do-it-all-for-her-child's-happiness kind of mom, get the better of me.