I've been going here for two years, and nothing like what has happened in the past two months has ever occurred. It's shocking, scary, and anxiety-filled. Seeing Eric like that was terrifying, I can't lie, but hearing about all these deaths was even scarier. But honestly, it's nothing I haven't seen before.
When I was twelve, I had a best friend. She was the sweetest person in the entire world. We grew up together our whole lives, but when we turned twelve, we got more freedom and got into more trouble than we usually did. One night, we decided to sneak out because Emma wanted to go to a party. I was honestly a little hesitant, but she was my best friend, so of course, I went along with it.
When we got to the house, we walked in and all I saw were older people, drugs, alcohol, and people practically fucking in front of everyone. I didn't want to be there, but she was having a good time, so I stayed. A couple of hours went by, and I lost her. I looked everywhere but couldn't seem to find her. After looking for an hour, I heard a scream coming from the bedroom. Everyone rushed up there. I couldn't believe my eyes. My best friend, my ride-or-die, my everything, was lying on the floor dead. Honestly, to this day, I have no idea how she died, but that scarred me for life.
So now, with this happening and knowing somebody I had a deep connection with might be gone too, it scares me. Eli and I have been through a lot together these past two years. The first time I ever met him, we got into a fight—a cute little enemies-to-lovers plot twist. It just sucks that right when something happens between us, he leaves. I don't know if he's gone for good or not, but it breaks my heart knowing he might never come back. Being in this dorm room alone for the past couple of days, with his things everywhere and his smell on everything we own, is just so hard to do anymore. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be for us.
I'll always care for that boy, but now there might be someone new in my life who will fix the broken pieces. When we kissed during the game in the cabin, I felt butterflies going through my body. I felt something there, something I didn't even feel for Eli. After what Eli and I did, I honestly regret it. I let my first time be with a guy I didn't even like most of the time I knew him. Sometimes I don't know what goes through my mind; it's like I can't think straight.
But enough about my love life. That doesn't matter as much as what is happening in this moment. I hope things end soon. I can't see anybody I love die. For now, I'm going to keep my guard up. No more messing around. I can't keep worrying about everyone else. At the end of the day, it will only be me.
