Heart of Glass (A Minecraft EndermanXReader)

Chapter 23: What You Can Never Know

It was almost morning by the time you got home, still sopping wet. The end of the fireworks had been good anyway, even if you'd almost been drowned right before.

Elianore opened the door for you. "Doing okay?"

You nodded. "Yeah. I mean, my outfit will dry, and I'm not hurt or anything."

"Still..."

You smiled up at him. "I'll be alright."

He finally smiled back. "Alright, I trust you. Let me know if you need me."

You tilted your head. "Are you sleeping by yourself?"

"I just need to decompress. I'm okay."

You laughed. "I guess everything was pretty crazy. But you know Clara's never going to forget what you did for her tonight."

Elianore shrugged. "I just knew this was important to her. I'd do the same thing for any of my friends."

"I know you would. You're just the kind of person who loves with everything you have."

Elianore blinked a few times and then smiled again. "Well, we should probably get some sleep. Goodnight." He waved as he walked into his room for the night.

You waved back and headed for your own room.

Notch, something had settled deep into your chest. Ever since Enear...

You had tried so hard to shake it off. To tell yourself that it was stupid, a horrible misreading of the situation between her and Elianore.

You were the lucky one. You were the winner. You got Eli-Enore, your Eli, and she only got Elianore.

Maybe that was the problem. Why did she get to scar him, and you didn't even get to see his scars?

Why did everyone else get an Elianore who loved with his whole heart, and you had to wait. And wait. And wait.

That was stupid. Stupid and cruel.

You knew how far he'd come, from not letting you touch him or even see his face, to openly hugging you, kissing you, letting you stitch his face closed.

But he'd made out with Enear. Let her go too far. He'd lashed out at her, bitten her, torn her to shreds.

Why did he retreat to his room when he was overwhelmed? Why didn't he come crawling to you?

Why didn't you get to love the monster?

You shook your head. No. That was terrible to think. Enear had hurt him so badly, and his violent side was one that only came out when he was hurt.

But why was she his girlfriend, and you were only a label-less relationship?

Nathaniel's face at you saying he didn't like labels.

Of course he wouldn't. The one and only partner he'd had, had broken him, and he'd been forced to kill her.

But she got to fight with him.

But you got to see him cry. You got to watch him run Clara to the stage. You got to hold his pinky when he was too scared to touch you, and you got to touch him when he couldn't even do that anymore.

Not by his own will. Only because she forced him into his shell.

Would he catch your hand if you raised it toward him?

You wouldn't. You would never.

Would he abandon his anxiety for you?

If it had been you, and not Clara, would he have chickened?

Would he bite down on you when you pushed too far?

Would he let you retraumatize him for a week?

You bashed your head against the wall.

Your Eli had laid himself bare to Enear for a week, just so she couldn't hurt you. Let her have her way. Subjected himself to anything she wanted. For you.

But would he hurt you, if you asked? Would he get angry with you? Would he yell at you? Would he lash out and snap while never ever doubting that he loved you?

Would he rip your heart out, and not be able to stomach the smell of your blood on his hands?

~~~

No, no, you were allowed to be with whoever you wanted. You were not his. He had no claim on you. He didn't even have the balls to call you his partner. If you wanted to be with Nathaniel, he could have you.

It was his fault anyway. If he wasn't so anxious, if he wasn't such a mess, you'd be his official partner. He would've gone to dance with you right away instead of hiding on the sidelines. Then he could be jealous. Nether, he wouldn't even need to. You weren't the type of person to dance with anyone besides your own partner. He'd be able to play off the whole thing as Nathaniel being your old friend, and a horrible playboy.

Elianore curled up on his bed, watching the crying obsidian drip.

Not to mention, even if you were his partner, you weren't his. Accusing you of something he had no proof of would be cruel.

He still couldn't shake nights of Enear screaming at him that he must be in love with someone else. Because that was the only explanation for him not wanting to cuddle at that exact moment, nevermind the chronic stomachaches and back pain that, at times, left him not wanting to deal with himself.

It wasn't your fault he was insecure. And no matter what, you could do what you wanted. You weren't his. You didn't belong to him. You weren't even his partner.

And above all else, he refused to ever let you feel the way he had with Enear.

He burrowed deeper into his blankets.

You could do whatever you wanted. Be with whoever you wanted. And he'd still love you.

But it didn't keep it from hurting. Watching you dance with someone else and never getting to dance with you. He'd barely gotten to dance at all, with everything that happened.

But maybe that was just his lot in life. To always be the supporting role.

He could do that.

His next breath rattled, and he felt blood run from his eyes. He buried his face in his pillow and sobbed.

He could play the supporting role. He could fade into the background, only appearing when someone else needed him. But maybe he wanted to support you from your side. Maybe he wanted to kiss you, hug you, sleep in your arms. Maybe he wanted to be your mate.

Instead, he was a series of traumatizing events rather than a man. A pile of broken pieces, that no matter how many you put back together, there were still chunks missing, and cracks that could not be glued.

You deserved so much better than that.

You deserved so much better than anything that came out of the End.

~~~

A/n: there was honestly a few days of me thinking I needed to redo y/n's part because it wasn't coming off how I wanted and then reread it today and went "wait no that's exactly what I wanted" so congrats y'all get to keep the vaguely traumatizing quote

Also fun fact I have never once experienced jealousy so this is an interesting arc to write. I'm just aroace and polyamorous. And I'm also the person who told his partner "yeah I know you'd cheat on me with mothman and I've accepted it and you have my blessing"

So thou shalt not judge me for not having a clue how to write jealousy

And as always, thanks for reading, please remember to vote, comment, and share, and I'll see y'all soon!