Skulduggery Pleasant oneshots

Omg

Summary: Vals at a family reunion, and someone gets into a fight. Can you guuss who?

Third person pov
Valkyrie sat down in the corner, trying to avoid eye contact with any of her family until her grandparents got here. Them and her parents were truly the only people she liked, and her dad was attempting to do the worm on the floor (no, he was not drunk he was just dared to by his cousin) while her mum went to the toilet before she wet herself from laughing too hard. Pregnant lady problems.

Then, a girl her age came up to her. She was blond with blue eyes but looked nothing like the twins. "Hey, who are you?" She asked.
"I'm Stephanie." Valkyrie responded.
"I'm Jules. That's my dad." Jules pointed to her dad's cousin, who was now recording her dad.
"My dad's the one he's recording." She laughed.
"The one drunkenly doing the worm?" Jules asked.
"Actually, he's sober. Just couldn't turn down a dare." Valkyrie smiled at her.
She laughed and sat next to her.

"I'm so glad I found someone nice here. Everyone I met so far was an ass. Exept a pregnant woman, but she had to go to the toilet."
"That's most likely my mum." Valkyrie told her.
"Damn, you got all the good family. Save some for the rest of us!" Jules joked. Val laughed.
"What about your parents?" She asked.
Jules laughed. "Don't get me wrong, I love them, but my dad's drunk right now, and I can not hold a conversation with him because when he's drunk, he will wander off, and my mums amazing but, sadly, not here."

"How old are you anyway?" Asked Jules.
"I'm fifteen. You?" Jules looked at her woth her mouth open.
"I'm seventeen! There's no way you're younger than me. Stand up."

The two girls got to their feet and, to Jules dismay, Valkyrie was a fair bit taller than her. "God!" She groaned, "And I'm one of the tallest people in my class! And look at your muscles. I wish I had arms like that!"
Valkyrie laughed at her second cousin, before seeing that her uncle was listening to their conversation and walking over now. She groaned.
"What?" Jules asked.
Valkyrie mover her head in her uncles direction and her eyes widened.

Fergus stopped in front of the two. "I didn't mean to easedrop," Liar, "but I couldn't help but here Steph was taller than you. "
"As you can clearly see, yes she is." Jules said, "But what does that have to do with you?" She stayed polite the whole time she was talking.
"Well, I mean that you also mentioned that she was quite muscular. And," he turned to Valkyrie, "I wanted to give you my advice that you should probably try to lose some of that muscle and do your best not to grow anymore. Otherwise, you probably won't find a boyfriend."

"Excuse me." Valkyrie heard her dad's voice cut in. "What did you say to her?" His voice was dangerously low, and he looked ready to kill his brother.
"Come on." She whispered out of the side of her mouth and pulled Jules to the other side of the room, to where her grandparents were.

"Grandpa, Grammy!" She hugged them both and whispered in their ears to look at her dad and Fergus. This peaked their interest and they looked over to see their sons arguing quietly.

Valkyrie heard her uncle say, "Admit it, she doesn't look normal and will scare off any boys interested in her. Your daughter is just freaky..." She barely had a chance to think 'oh no' before her dad punched her uncle in the mouth.

Everyone turned to look at the brothers. Fergus lunged at her dad, and within seconds, they were both on the floor. "I bet Desmond wins." Valkyries Grammy said.
"Same." The other three chimed in.
Her grandpa sighed, "Well, if we all bet on the same thing, there's no point to this."

Her grammy went over to her sons and pulled them off of each other by the ears. Fergus' nose was bloody, but her dad looked unharmed.
"That's enough of that."
"Were not five." Valkyries dad said.
"If you're going to act like five year old, I'm going to treat you like five year olds." Grammy Edgley sniffed. "Go home, boys, cool off. I don't want to see you acting like this at the next reunion."

They mumbled something and got up to leave. Just in time, Valkyries mum got out of the toilet and had to be told why they were leaving. She glared at her husband, apologised, and went to the car to wait.

Valkyrie said goodbye to her second cousin and grandparents before leaving with her dad. "Steph, be a dear and send me the video."
"Already done." She smiled.
"What?" Her dad asked.
"Oh, whenever you do something stupid, I always record it and send it to Mum." Val told him.

Her mum got out her phone and looked at the video. Valkyrie started to record the second she brought Jules to her grandparents, so she caught the whole thing. Unfortunately, that meant that her phone picked up the comment her uncle made about her, and her and her dad had to convince her pregnant mum that, no, they couldn't turn the car around so that she could kill Fergus.

Unfortunately, she got Vals dad on her side. Leaving Valkyrie having to explain to both of her parents why it was a bad idea to commit a murder. So what if that makes her a hypocrite?

In other news, Valkyrie showed Gordon the video, and found it very amusing watching her favourite uncle try to go murder his brother, only to disappear when he got too far away from the echo stone.

She also showed it to Skulduggery. He laughed and commented on how good her dad's punch was. "Like father like daughter." He said. Valkyrie laughed.