Yours insanely

70.Chimera

Waking up after was always a haze.

You would've slept so much to rest your mind and body that you knew you were satisfied with getting out of bed.

Ready to wake up completely, you threw an arm across to search for Shubman, but only managed to feel the bed.

You raised your head up and looked back, having been lying on your stomach, to find him fully dressed in a two piece black suit.

"Are you leaving somewhere again?" You asked as you turned around on the bed, holding the comforter up to your chest.

You remember the last time he dressed up in the evening, which was indeed very recently, he left for Mumbai.

"Just getting ready for the day, honey," Shubman replied, walking up to the bed while you sat up. "Good morning."

"For the end of the day, you mean-" You paused while he kissed your forehead. "It's morning?"

"8 am," he confirmed before sitting on the edge of the bed, wrapping an arm around you and a bit of the comforter too.

Saying you overslept will be an understatement.

You remember falling asleep in the afternoon. "I was half-dead for seventeen hours? Or was I comatose?"

"We slept for seventeen hours," Shubman corrected as you laid your head on his shoulder.

"Well, you seem to be fully ready for the day," you repeated his words from earlier, yawning a little.

Your system still had the audacity to feel sleepy. But in your defense, yawning increases blood flow in the veins to your brain, makes you take a deep breath, and it is your body attempting to make you stay awake.

"Do you wanna go back to sleep again, love?" He asked, placing a kiss on the crown of your head.

"I think I'll pass," you said but fell back to the pillows nonetheless.

You stared at the ceiling for a while, arms wrapped around the comforter over your bare chest, your thoughts drifting from one to another.

Shubman leaned forward, resting an arm beside your head so that his free hand could caress your cheek.

"I was watching a movie with Shahneel," you started, knowing you told him that when he returned. "And this character dies alone, in a completely isolated place."

Maybe it was because you were feeling too happy after a good sleep. All the emotions were threatening to come out.

"And I thought something I wouldn't have cared about nearly half a year back," you turned your head a little to look at him. "I don't want to die alone."

"Don't talk like that-"

"Saying fire doesn't burn, Shubi," you cut his words off. "Talking about my death won't kill me."

You poked a finger to his cheek before holding it, making Shubman lean into your touch.

"It seems even scarier than just dying," you continued, staring off into space. "There isn't someone for everyone, and I believed I was one of those people to die a lonely death until you came into my life."

Your eyes looked at his downcast ones as you ran your fingers through his hair.

"Bleeding will hurt, burning too, and drowning is scary. I'd struggle to get back up," you added in a low tone as he laid his head on your shoulder. "Maybe I'll like it if I die in my sleep. Will you stay beside me?"

You continued combing his hair with your fingers and rested your cheek against the top of his head.

"I'll stay beside you," Shubman barely said with despondence, tightening his arms around you. "And I'll die with you."

You smacked the back of his head lightly at that, but he only buried his face deeper into your shoulder.

He stayed for a few minutes, finding comfort in your embrace after everything that's been running through his mind, which was so unlike him.

But this is about you. He can't afford to be careless, right?

The very thought tore him apart into shreds, making his heart plummet as deep as the bottom of the ocean.

Like all those times Shubman stayed awake in the middle of the night.

Unbeknownst to even you, long after that incident with your uncle in the basement parking lot, your nightmares still persisted.

You wouldn't wake up. Sometimes you wouldn't even budge, except for the slight stirring.

And you almost never remembered anything in the morning. You'll feel off, he could see, but you never voiced it out.

Have you felt fear to the point where you've gotten used to these nightmares?

They weren't as frequent now. It filled Shubman with peace and quiet to know that you were sleeping tranquilly.

When he used to stay awake, he'd hold your hand, hiding his face in your shoulder until your ephialtes subsided. But mostly, he did that to control his own tears.

It'd feel like his heart was being ripped out of his chest and handed to him.

He's heard a lot about how therapy helps. Talking to you about it has been on his mind for a long time too.

Being ready was not a feeling, it's a decision. So he wants until you are feeling fully and truly up to talk it out.

"Shall we go somewhere out today, baby?" Shubman asked while you started getting up. "Maybe brunch, shopping, or anywhere you like."

"Brunch sounds fine," you replied, being pulled into a hug as you both sat up again. "And then something will strike my mind. But you're only mine the whole day."

"I'm yours every day," he kissed your cheek, helping you get out of bed by slipping his arms under your figure, lifting you up. "Come on, I'll run you a bath."

"Sounds even fine," you mumbled, resting your head on his chest. "Love you, sweetie," you brought one hand up to pinch his cheek.

"I love you too," Shubman hoisted you up in his arms to place a kiss on your lips, still walking.

More kisses were exchanged while you waited for the bathtub to fill water, each one lasting a few seconds like the soap bubbles.

"Can you join me?" You asked, holding his hand as he stood outside the tub.

He just got ready and dressed. Did he care? Not at all. It's you asking.

That's how you found yourself lying back on his chest, without a worry in the world and occasionally collecting the bubble in your hand.

"Baby," Shubman started, caressing your hand he was holding in the water. "Just make sure you or di aren't alone when you go outside, okay?"

"Shahneel usually goes with me," you replied, tilting your head up to look at him briefly. "And there are guards."

"But take at least four more with you," he said, wrapping an arm around your waist. "Just for a while, please?"

"Okay," you said without much thought. It didn't make much difference. Though the guards were meant to make sure there was no threat to or around you, they kept out of sight.

And Shubman thought about Sidharth's words from the day before yesterday, as they left the building once the meeting was concluded.

'Ishan seems too close to Shahneel these days, don't you think?'