Rises the moon. [Akk/Ayan & Akk/Ray]

Chapter fifteen.

Akk gets off the boat and barely manages to anchor it to the shore before walking away. His heart had never beaten with such force and desperation before. His palms are sweaty and he doesn't know how many times he rubbed his hands against his shorts.

"Akk!" Ayan calls, Akk can hear him running. "Akk, put your sandals on, you're going to hurt your feet."

It's painful the way Ayan keeps worrying about him or treating him with so much care, as if Akk is worth it. As if Akk didn't just reject Ayan on that boat with the waves and the sun as witnesses.

Akk rejected Ayan, he was cruel with his silence, he hurt his feelings and yet, Ayan is behind him, his face full of worry and Akk hates it. He hates seeing Ayan like this and knowing that he is the cause, but what else can he do? Tell him that he wants to kiss him too? Tell Ayan that Akk thinks about him more often than should and that his heart feels like it bursts when he smiles at him?

How is Akk supposed to do all that? He can't, no matter if a small part of him screams at him to do it. He's not brave enough, he's not good enough, and he's afraid.

"Akk, wait..." Ayan grabs his wrist and Akk stops. "Talk to me."

Akk abruptly lets go, although it is not his intention to continue hurting Ayan, he needs him to stop.

"Let go of me. I don't want my parents to see us."

If he sees the pain reflected in Ayan's pretty and expressive eyes, then he ignores it and doesn't think about the pain in his chest.

"Why didn't you let me do it?" Ayan's voice is low and distressing. Akk really hates being the cause of that.

"Nothing happened there." Akk says, despite knowing that a lot of things happened. He doesn't like to deny it, but he must. What will everyone think of him if he likes a boy? His parents would be disappointed.

"I think it did happen, Akk. Your eyes and your body said something happened."

Ayan's insistence slowly burns him inside, because Akk knows Ayan is right. At this point, Ayan knows him better than he knows himself and if there's one thing Akk is bad at, it's hiding his feelings. He doesn't know how to hide the nerves he feels when Ayan gets too close, and sometimes he can't hide the goofy smiles when Ayan flirts with him too much. The day they kissed by accident he could only remember the kiss, the softness of Ayan's lips and the comfort he felt being with him.

Akk wanted to kiss Ayan again, but the fear was stronger.

"If it's something to you, fine. It's nothing to me."

Akk is a terrible liar, he knows it himself and there is no one in the world who knows him better than Ayan, because he doesn't believe him, it doesn't matter if there is no expression on his face. Anyone else might have believed him this time, but not Ayan.

Because Ayan knows how to read him and he knows how to understand him. If Akk say all the things he keeps to himself, where is he supposed to be now?

If Akk was braver, he might have kissed Ayan on the boat.

"Are you going to deny everything?" Ayan sounds defeated and hurt, but he doesn't give up and gently takes Akk's arm. "I would never dare to say what other people's feelings are, but... When I'm with you, I know we're on the same page. I know you feel the same as me. You have the right to follow your heart."

And Ayan is right, he is so right that it physically hurts him. Ayan knows Akk feels the same way too, because he must be so painfully obvious that he can't deny it with anything.

"I choose not to. That's my right too, right? Don't talk to me about this again."

Akk is being very hard, he knows it and he hates doing it, because he doesn't like to hurt people, especially the people he loves, and Akk loves Ayan more than he could ever imagine loving anyone.