Raw Marks | KOOKV✓

chapter 34

Love wasn't a default concept with which people were born. It wasn't an inherent, almost instinctual feeling that everyone carried within them from birth. Love was a curious mix of childish innocence and mature depth, an emotion that evolved as people grew. It began with a simple sense of liking and caring for someone, a tender foundation built on shared moments and mutual concern. Over time, this foundation solidified and deepened into something much more profound. It became a complex tapestry of emotions, woven with threads of joy and sorrow, hope and fear. The most intense of these threads was fear—fear of losing the person you cared for and fear of being wronged by them

In the teenage years, this emotional evolution often became uncontrollable. Teenagers, caught in the mess of their developing feelings and surging hormones, struggled to fully understand the concept of love. Some were fortunate enough to grasp their emotions and to design and understand their own feelings. But most teenagers, overwhelmed by the intensity of their emotions, couldn't pinpoint exactly what they were feeling. They didn't feel equipped to study these emotions in depth. Instead, they simply went with the flow, letting their hearts lead them in unpredictable directions

Jungkook was no different. He, too, went with the flow. At sixteen, he was just stepping into the complex world of human emotions. He wasn't ready for a relationship. He didn't understand the responsibilities that came with such a bond. All he knew was that he wanted to explore, to experience everything life had to offer. He was still a child in many ways, driven by his own needs and desires. He felt greed, possessiveness, and competitiveness, not out of malice, but simply because he was young and still figuring out who he was. It wasn't his fault; it was just his way of coping with the new, strong hormones surging through his body

Then, Jungkook met Taehyung. He found himself entangled with him in a way he hadn't anticipated. Taehyung was different, intriguing, and Jungkook knew he had to seize the opportunity to explore this new facet of his desires. And so, he did. He relished the time they spent together, a time free from the burdens of responsibility and the stress of behaving in a certain way. It was a period of pure enjoyment of living in the moment without worrying about the future. That is, until Taehyung confessed his feelings

When Taehyung confessed, it wasn’t just a simple declaration of love. It came with an expectation, a challenge to Jungkook's carefree existence. Taehyung wanted a romantic relationship, one that required more than just physical attraction, more than just sex. Jungkook agreed, but hesitantly. He wasn’t ready for this. He had never been ready for something so serious. But Taehyung’s touches were a sweet sin to him, an irresistible temptation he couldn’t deny. He didn’t believe Taehyung was serious about being with a teenager. It seemed absurd to him. He always thought their relationship was destined to be short-lived. But then came the responsibilities of being a lover, and Jungkook was utterly lost

He couldn’t grasp the nuances of a romantic relationship. Everything was new to him, from how to react to his lover’s emotions to understanding how things should naturally fall into place. He was clueless, constantly questioning himself. Taehyung would often say "If you love someone, you’ll naturally have those caring, longing sensations. Everything will come from your heart; it will guide you" These words haunted Jungkook because he didn’t love Taehyung. He didn’t even know what it meant to fall in love. He just liked Taehyung and his feelings were limited to his fantasies of lust. How could his instincts guide him when he had no idea what he was supposed to feel? It was a confusing, shitty time for the young teenager

Adding to his confusion was Taehyung’s constant forgiveness and ignorance of his mistakes. Taehyung never taught him what was wrong; he simply supported Jungkook blindly. This blind support gave him a sense of validation for his every wrong move. Being an immature, egoistic teenager, Jungkook thought his behaviors were normal. He didn’t face any consequences for his actions, so he continued doing whatever he wanted