The past that broke me

Chapter 19

⭐️ - Tessa's point of view - ⭐️

"Hardin" i look at hardin as he turns around and looking at me. "Yeah baby" "can you please stay" I see him slowly undressing himself and lay next to me. I lay my head on his chest as he pulls me close putting his arms around me.

"I love you hardin I never loved someone so much your my savior if I haven't met you I wouldn't even be here anymore I would have been with my sister." "I love you too Tess" I didn't even process what I was saying right now of the alcohol in my system as my eyes slowly closing and blackness creeps around me.

*nightmare*

I feel someone shaking me harshly as I wake up slowly trying to adjust my high sight in the dark room. I look around up and down and see a mattress laying on the floor. I was confused this was my room when I was younger. I was laying on the floor because my bed wasn't finish yet but it's a couple years ago how can it be that I'm back I was safe.

I feel a hand on my cheek as I look up and see him standing there in his dressing gown looking back at me "your awake finally" I felt afraid as he slowly open his dressing gown revealing that he was naked underneath. "Touch it " he demands I look up and with all the strength in me " I'm not gonna touch it ". I was stunned by myself that I finally said something after all those months.

"You're gonna touch it" he demands again " no I'm not  gonna touch it or I'm gonna scream" he quickly close his dressing gown "okay okay don't yell " and he leaves my room.  I wanted to wake up because I knew it was a dream hardin promised to protect me he promised me.

Out of the blue the room changes I was inside his room my mother and sister were away getting some groceries I was watching some videos on YouTube as I see him walking inside again with only his dressing gown. I stayed still afraid to move as he get undressed and climbing on the bed he was now in front of me jerking himself off. He told me he had to look as he said to me " you have something inside you vagina some white bumps but I can make it go away" I didn't move as he climb on top of me entering me slowly. He slowly pulled out and then I'm again as he started to move a little bit more.

I couldn't do anything but relive it again as he cums inside of me telling me the white stuff is getting me better. And me as a little girl didn't know what it was. I have to wake up now.

*end nightmare*

I sit up straight as I look around the room again afraid that I'm back that they didn't save me. I look beside me and see Hardin sleeping peacefully as I tried to stand up not waking him. I walk downstairs to grab a glass of water as I sit down at the kitchen table. I put my hands in my face as I cry softly processing what just happened. Why do I only remember the bad things? why am I like this? What did I do that I deserved this?

The questions in my head that I don't have the answer for I take a sip from my water trying to calm down but it was to hard to forget. I had therapy it helped but didn't take away everything. The took a bit away to make it more to live with but they couldn't take everything away.

I was so deep in my own thoughts as I feel two hands on my shoulder. I jump off the chair to look who it was o see Hardin standing in front off me "Tess why are you awake it's 2 am everything alright?" I shake me head as he takes me in his arms trying to calm me down " I-i had a nightmare and it-it felt so real Hardin I relived again and I was so afraid that nobody saved me from them" I feel him hugging me tighter " it's okay baby your safe now I promise" I pull away from his hug to look into his eyes.

I feel him kissing me as I kiss back. We walk upstairs towards Hardin's room as we lay down me in his strong protective arms. "I love you baby your so strong" I feel the tears well up again " I love you too Hardin" he hear softly snoring again as Hardin felt asleep again. Me I was awake I'm afraid that I can't give Hardin my body one day, I'm afraid he thinks I'm ugly underneath.

After a while I finally felt asleep. With the only thought in my head is he with me because he truly loves me or is he with me because he thinks I'm pathetic?