Faded Happiness {Dazai angst}

౨ৎ˚⟡˖⋆ ࣪Chapter 18⋆˖⟡ ࣪౨ৎ˚

(Dont askk lolll:))

"Maybe...I could use this to my advantage after all....."

Quiet. Alone. Dazai hated those words.                                                                                                                               I mean, what good was it to even like it?

Dazai had ALWAYS hated, being alone, the room being too quiet.

THe brunette thought that he would forever hate it too.... Until one man changed his life....

EVer since HE entered his life, the quietness was all he was looking for. (Not really ALL ALL but ykyk) Quiet and dark rooms the brunette could sneak into. To have a little 'mental break'. 

"This is normal. I'm fine. Don't cause more trouble for other people.... don't...be a burden."

The day when the knife first touched, sliced through Dazai's skin, was when Dazai had told Mori about it too.

He was convinced it was 'normal' since his "Boss" didn't do anything about it. He knew. Dazai knew it wasn't healthy. 

But who cared?

Nobody

And to be honest it was beginning to FEEL normal too....

In the Mafia, no one had cared. So he could go around with his bloody bandages. ANd if anyone asked why he was looking so pale and tired, he would simply just say: "Blood loss..cut too much... Haha but don't worry!" Dazai would simply just say those 9 words and, they... really wouldn't worry...

If someone had asked "you look skinny" or "WHy aren't you eating?" or "When's the last time you even ate? Dazai?" 

He would then, simply just say: "Not hungry" ANd they wouldn't ask for some time...

THAT was the mafia.

But to be honest other then that the little brunette doesn't really HATE HATE any other thing then that. 

Well I guess other then....

14. Dazai truly has really nothing to do with numbers. They don't care about them after all. Just useful. But....14.....was....

DIfferent...

.

14

.

14 ?

.

14.....

They hated that too.

Why?

People say "it's just a number! Stop freaking out about it."

But for the tall brunette, the number 14 wasn't JUST a number.

Because it was when dazai experienced the feeling of something that they shouldn't have felt. Something that should have stayed foreign to them....

It was..the feeling of pleasure...? Mixed in with a bit of sadness... 

The little brunette shouldn't have ever felt that. Honestly, Dazai shouldn't have had any emotions or feeling at all. THe brunette really should have died a long time ago...

....

Pleasure? 

Wait but...how could they even feel ANY pleasure.... from the...