My Sticky Notes Are All About You

Prologue

As the sun's rays intoxicated her skin, she stood strong by the edge of the roof, contemplating the ultimate escape from the beasts hiding in the mask of humans. She feared death, suicide, and Allah ! But the desire to die consumed her to the point where she could easily think of jumping from the 7th-floor poof.

(Death is often portrayed as a release from the suffering caused by desire. However, she was unable to take that final step, and the fear of the unknown held her back. She was cowardly, cherishing life, but unable to live with the pain of existence. "If she does jump she will have her skin and bone pierced by the rod of the construction site right beneath. She has to die, she can easily think of tearing apart her veins." But Alas, she can only make her body relieve these toxins by thinking that but not by taking action.)

Sun burned skin through the scalp, the bone became radiant and the heart died little by little. How to escape the reality? How to live alone in this world? Is living more worthwhile than dying or dying is a better option?

Tears fall gradually, realizing the toxins of migraine. It had almost been 3 hours of solitude, and now she had to go home, back to the chaotic world that canaited her. She had to go home, should go home, should navigate through the aftermath of her migraine. She longed for a cure! A cure, so that the outside world wouldn't once again test her resilience.
Aaheli descended to the 5th floor by the stairs and opened the door with her keys. As she entered the house, her mother was in the kitchen, slamming something hard. Her mother's voice of scolding filled the air, berating Aaheli for not achieving academic success.

"Now what do you want me to do? Should I give my life for you??! Poly's son and her relative boy from in law's got a chance in BUET. But you couldn't get admitted into anything till now ! I can't show my face to anyone! And you talk about staying in a hostel for the entire life and not coming home? What's your age? You are only 19 and talking about leaving home? Women should stay infertile rather than having children like you."

Her mother's word stung and Aaheli retreated to her room, closing the door behind her. As she sat at her reading table, opening hern Mathematics book to the page on differentiation, Aaheli couldn't help but reflect on the toxic nature of her mother's words.

She couldn't concentrate and had severe migraine, pain, her eyes were swallowed up and she didn't have the energy to do anything. Her aunt never had any child, she doesn't know anything, only sending gifts doesn't make her superior to say rude words and threatening never resolves anything rather brings hatred! As Aaheli struggled with a severe migraine, she found it difficult to concentrate. Feeling frustrated and hurt, Aaheli turned to her phone for a distraction. Notification popped up. Mahi messaged, "Did you get room booked for staying the night for RU exam? I could have made an arrangement if only my father didn't come with me and my mother is friends with Asif's mother. Ya know? They got a huge bungalow, but the thing is she isn't picking up phone. That's why room should be booked at least a month before exam."

She saw the message, and clearly knew it was all a bluff. At this time reading this kind of lie from him, she was really ridiculed by him.

Fatema messaged, "I'm watching Love 020 again, you should see this actually. I know it's not your type but I really like the friendship that those 3 friends have on both sides. Also I'm really liking this roleplay game right now, I really like Jeson here, he's so sweet." - She read this from the notification bar, and deleted the whole conversation of Mahi and Fatema. Turned off the power and started studying differentiation.

________

The night before the Ru exam, she had a severe fever after a long journey. Her body was shaking to the core, and here head was pounding from a migraine. The humidity was overwhelming, making her feel sticky and uncomfortable. She couldn't bear it anymore and decided to take a shower. However, the hotel room they managed to find was shabby and unclean, a far cry from what she was used to.
She even had to go to the bathroom wearing her shoes for outdoors. She took a shower scrubbing her skin to the extreme of scratch, shampooing hair, and washing her body with gel, she Finished showering and having paracetamol she tried to study. But after half an hour it was almost 9 pm, and her body couldn't take anymore so she fell asleep.
Before the exam when she was getting ready, her mother was complaining about how she took this many books for just one night here and started ranting on how of a worse brain she got for not getting a chance into any public University in Dhaka and how they had to struggle to get her into Rajshahi University.

She had it enough and busted out of anger and they continued it too in that hotel room. She said, "If I get selected here. I won't ever go back home. And won't contact any of you for the rest of my life."

Here mother replied, "Ya don't come back, if the Niyat is negative, Allah never hears the prayer."

Just before the exam they had this argument, her stability totally scattered apart. She knows that she's no longer a polite human but rather a human filled with hatred and rude words. Consequently, everyone is gonna believe she's way too spoiled and doesn't respect the elders anymore.

In the midway, it started raining and they had to stop the rickshaw as it had no cover. They took shelter in a shop which sold things made with jute. It was raining outside and she couldn't stop her tears from falling. More 3 hrs were to go before exam. They had to have lunch and to leave their luggage to the rented bus before the exam. But she wanted to die at that time at any cost.

Before exam, the campus was muddy, the rain stopped. She saw her mother to struggle in that road, after all she's not young anymore. But even if it's true she shouldn't behave like this with her, right? Her father had an injury in legs but he said it many times that he had to struggle this much only because she was unsuccessful in academies. She had a fever, they didn't know, didn't even care. The only thing they cared about was her academic results. She hated herself so much and believed she shouldn't have been born, she should have died before coming to earth. All of her energy was drained. She believed she's just a trash roaming like a human and should be removed from the earth!

The exam was pretty decent and she made it through all the questions, she liked the teachers and all her surroundings and all the girls with whom she talked. She really thought she was gonna get admitted here....

After the exam she got out, she couldn't find her parents anywhere. Before, entering her mothers said, they were gonna be just right in front of the gate and if it rained they were gonna be inside the shelters that were made like camps for the examinee's and their parents.

As she didn't find them outside of the gate, so she looked for them 3 times on those slippery roads while it was drizzling and she had a fever with no umbrella, in the entire Shahidullah art building field. She searched each and every shelter but didn't find them. For the 4th time she wanted to find inside and saw them they were searching for her inside. They came out scolding her and she had it enough for the 2nd time in the whole day. Why are they behaving like this? What do they want?

She took off her mask from mouth with great strength by one hand and threw it to the ground, her eyes were filled with tears and she couldn't take any more. There were some teachers of RU present and don't know; maybe some guardians. In front of all those humans present, she created a scene and left the place and her mother was calling her by name. A parent of someone or maybe a teacher when just tears came to her eyes, said, "Aye don't cry, she just gave exams, don't say things like this now."
After some minutes she heard here mother asking and searching where she was and father said, under that tree. She was getting soggy all over with raindrops and her mother took her to a shelter dragging her.

She was filled with hatred for herself and anger with her life. Eyes were blood red with so much tears inside. Her mother forcefully made her to sit in a chain. And asked how her exam was. She said 'Good' with a powerful vocal.

Her mother started ranting randomly about how a boy cheated and came out scolding the teachers. She added, he was talking big about how he got a chance into MIST and this teacher said he cheated only because he marked in his questions and blah blah blah she continued splitting out these things.

Aaheli said, "Why are you telling these things to me? What can I do here? Is he my relative by chance?"

Mother replied, "No, was just saying."

(End of this chapter)