My Sticky Notes Are All About You

Blame

I used to think that life is short, so we have to live it to the fullest, like in the movies. But later, I realized there are happy endings and tragic endings in the movies, and movies are made for an audience. But in your own life, you are the only audience for your life. What is a happy ending and what is a tragic ending? Everything is like a smoke. I can't recall anymore. I asked myself, what did I feel when I met him for the first time? What are my thoughts about 'people come and go' theory? Why did I ask? Well, maybe I just didn't like that idea or I was really scared it would happen to us.

I should realise he's part of my past. then, I can just forget him now, because I may never see him again.
The moment I laid my eyes on you on the first day of class, I knew that you're gonna be a nuisance. Your voice was as loud as a wolf howling in the night and day by day your voice became lower and lower and one day it was not heard anymore.
That day you asked me, “What am I to you?"
Maybe it would have turned into a movie clip if I didn't know you. I wasn't confused about what it was for.

You continued, “Who gave you the authority to run all the things that's inside your brain to believe the reality? You and I don't belong to the same world. Your world is so peaceful, but not mine! Don't let your imagination ruin me. I never did think of you for a while, your heart knows this the best.
I'm done every time sorting things out and you're so quick to react every single time. Do you think I am fooling you?

All I remember is, we were classmates. Why do you bother seeing me each and every single day? And now you came to my house to watch the scene? Why ? I don't get it. Please, I'm angry but there's a part of me that I understand too. Because I know, my condition is clear to me. Just don't know what to do to completely get out of this repetitive flow. I've tried many things, in those passing years I think I've tried a lot. I'm tired from hiding. Please just focus on your own life and leave.”

I'm starting to question myself why do I bother you?
It's okay, I expected the bare minimum anyways.

I started recalling some lines from a Turkish Movie,

“Even if you and I forget each other, we will never truly forget.
Even if nothing remains between us, there will always be something left.
When I die one day, a part of me will always live inside you.
But we will never meet on any street.
You and I...
We will never see each other again.”

(End of this chapter)