NOT A PHASE - (TNN - SORSCHA)

CHAPTER TWO - SORSCHAS SECRET

Annie was waiting for Sorscha as usual, just in front of the school gates. The two girls had known each other since they'd met in school at 8 years old and their friendship was as solid as ever. Recently, Sorscha had been considering telling her beloved friend the secret she'd kept inside for so many years.

Towards the end of her English class, Sorscha had plucked up the courage to ask Clodagh if she was new to the school. Clodagh had told her that she'd just moved into the area, smiling as she added "so that's why you've never seen me before." The two girls had chatted for several minutes but all too soon, the lesson was over. For the rest of the day Sorscha couldn't stop smiling and as she packed her things at the end of her last lesson, she made a decision. She was going to tell Annie that she liked girls and that finally, she had a crush.

As the two teenage girls walked home they chatted about their lessons and how they'd found their day. Finally, after several minutes Sorscha had gathered the courage she so desperately needed "Annie, can I tell you something. You can't tell anyone else though, it's a secret." Annie turned her head slightly and replied "Sorscha, you know me, I won't tell anyone!"

Sorscha inhaled deeply before saying "I think I'm gay. I fancy girls and I've only ever fancied girls." Annie stopped walking abruptly and frowned, causing Sorscha to stop too. "You fancy girls? You don't fancy boys?" Her eyes narrowed and she continued "I don't think that's right. You know that's a sin, don't you?" As Sorscha looked into her friend's eyes she could tell that she was deadly serious. She felt her heart drop as she realised she'd made a catastrophe mistake. Annie shook her head slightly and started to walk away, her pace hurried and as Sorscha watched her, she willed her to turn around. But she never did.

Sorscha walked home alone, her heart was pounding and her palms were sweating. Maybe Annie wouldn't tell anyone? It was a huge bombshell and Sorscha wondered if time was all her friend really needed to come around to what she'd told her. She was still the same person after all. Sorschas sleep was restless that night as she anticipated seeing Annie the next day and she wondered what she'd see behind her eyes.

Maybe understanding. Perhaps love. Possibly even concern.

When Sorscha walked into school the next morning, it wasn't long before she did see Annie. Her breath caught in her throat as she finally gained the answer to her question. All she saw behind Annie's eyes was pure, vitriolic hatred. As she looked away she noticed people staring at her and whispering behind their hands. Suddenly the world was crashing down on top of her and any control she'd had over her life was gone.

Each time Sorscha walked through the corridors that day people taunted her, shouting and calling her names. Boys from the year above purposely knocked into her, shoving her sideways and into the wall. Classmates refused to sit next to her or talk to her, turning their head when she tried to communicate with them. At lunchtime she cried in the toilets, sobbing into her hands and desperately trying to catch her breath.

What had she done wrong? It wasn't her fault she'd been born this way and she didn't know how to change the way she felt.

Sorscha had never felt so alone or so lost and as she sat at the back of the classroom during her last lesson, all she could concentrate on was trying not to burst into tears again. She watched as her classmates chatted and laughed, occasionally throwing her withering glances between spiteful words. These same classmates had accepted and liked her just hours before but now they hated her guts and she knew she'd never change their minds.

Sighing with relief when she heard the end of day bell, she bolted from her seat and towards the front door, practically sprinting through the gates. Sorscha walked home alone once again and by the time she walked into her hallway, she was soaked from the rain.

Walking into the kitchen she was surprised to see both of her parents sat at the table, staring at her. Their facial expressions gave very little away but Sorscha could feel the tension hanging in the air as her Dad firmly said "Sorscha, we need to talk. Is there something you need to tell us?"