Greasers will be Greasers ~ johnny cade x reader/beverly

Part 18: remembering

the next few days were a blur, me and pony were both sick from drinking the water at the church, and we were both exhausted from grieving. but on the plus side, we won in court and pony doesn't have to go to a boys home and i don't have to go to the orphanage, we get to live with darry and soda.

eventually, pony had to go back to school but he wasn't doing so good grade-wise. I was never signed up to go to school in tulsa, i guess darry never got around to doing so.

at one point there was a fight between darry and pony, and soda got fed up and ran away. sodas always the middle man in there fights, i felt bad for him, but i just don't know how to speak up anymore.
all i did was sit back and eat my dinner while they fought. I mean it's not like i could do anything, they wouldn't listen to me.

one morning i woke up earlier then usual, way earlier then usual. it was around 5:30. I could not fall back to sleep for the life of me, there was to many things on my mind.
I got up out of my bed slowly so i wouldn't wakeup pony and soda just around the curtain and i quickly crept to the door.

When i opened the door i sat outside on the porch, grabbing a cigarette out of my robe pocket and lighting it.

The sun was just starting to rise, the last time i watched the sunrise was with pony and johnny at the church. i've never felt more empty then I do right now.
Why wasn't it me? why was it johnny? why did i have to wakeup in the hospital? why did johnny have to die? why didn't i say i love you back before he died?...
as the thoughts scurried through my mind i heard the door open behind me. I looked behind me and it was ponyboy in his pajamas.

"hey pony" i say dull-ly as he sits down next to me and i hand him a cigarette.

the sun was in its golden stage right now, all yellow and bright. it covered the whole sky. it was beautiful.

pony took a piece of paper out of his pocket and handed it to me
"i found this in the book i got for johnny when he was in the hospital"
i unfolded the paper
"Ponyboy,
I asked the nurse to give you this book so you could finish it. The doctor came in a while ago but I knew anyway. I keep getting tireder and tireder. Listen, I don't mind dying now. It's worth it. It's worth saving those kids. Their lives are worth more then mine, they have more to live for. Some of their parents came by to thank me and I know it was worth it. Tell Dally it's worth it. I'm just going to miss you guys. I've been thinking about it, and that poem, that guy that wrote it, he meant you're gold when you're a kid, like green. When you're a kid everything's new, dawn. It's just when you get used to everything that it's day. Like the way you dig sunsets, Pony. That's gold. Keep that way, it's a good way to be. I want you to tell Dally to look at one. He'll probably think you're crazy but ask for me. I don't think he's ever really seen a sunset. but ask beverly to go see a sunset or sunrise, she understands like that. And don't be so bugged over being a greaser. You still have a lot of time to make yourself be what you want. There's still lots of good in the world. Tell Dally. I don't think he knows. and tell beverly i miss her and I'm always in her heart.
Your buddy, Johnny"
my eyes started to swell with tears as i finished reading it.

I let my head droop and burnt out my cigarette.

"why was it johnny" i say behind tears

pony didn't say anything for a minute because he didn't know either.

"and why dally?" i say shaking my head

"they were just kids!" i cried even more and buried my face in my hands as pony kept his eyes on the sunrise.

pony didn't say anything, he didn't know what to say really, he understood what i felt and he didn't need to say anything to show it.

as we watched the rest of the sunset i rested my head on pony's shoulder as the tears began to dry up on my face.

johnny will live forever in our hearts.