Cross of heart

Fifteen

Dear Jennifer,

My sister, I love you. You were there for me since the beginning of me and Ricks relationship till now. When Rick was in a coma, and the virus outbreak spread. I prayed that you were going to be okay, and you were. Some how you can back and found us, I stopped believing in God once the outbreak came out and moments like this when you're reunited with your family make you wonder if there is a god up there...doing some kind of good. But things have changed since you were gone...many things. I wanted to confess all of this things to you in person, but im not strong enough to do that. So when you showed up to the prison I decided I had to write you this note...just like I did for everyone else in this prison.

I haven't been the most faithful person since the outbreak started. I have done things that I have regretted, and I think about the wrongful decisions I have made every day. The first mistake was pretending that I still loved your brother. Once me and Carl we're united with him, I was so happy... I fell in love with him again, but he is changed now. He is not the man that I married, this world has changed him. I have tried to fall in love with him again but I can't. It's too hard. Now you must be wondering.... why would I have a baby with rick?

Well that the thing Jennifer... I don't know if the baby is ricks. It could possibly be someone else. It could possibly be Shane's.

That's another thing I wanted to tell you. At the beginning of the outbreak, Shane was there from the beginning, he helped me and Carl escape. He helped Rick stay alive in that hospital. I thought I loved Shane but he turned out bad. He had it out for Rick, he wanted Rick dead. They both hated each other, they both changed, they aren't the same people anymore. Everyone has changed, I changed.

I know how you feel about Shane, you've felt the same way about him ever since you were a kid. You probably hate me now, but I know you hate Shane now. Hate how he lied and manipulated you....he manipulated all of us. I want you to know that I regret everything that happened with Shane, I wished I still loved you brother. Sometimes I wish that I could get rid of this baby.

But I won't because no matter whose baby it is... I still love it no matter what. That's what I want you and Rick to do. I want you both to love this baby like it's your blood. Make sure this baby is safe and protected. Make sure Carl is safe. Make Rick happy again, I know that man isn't happy. I couldn't make him happy. Please keep this family together.

Jen repeated the letter over and over again. She was in shock, there were tear drops all over the paper. Jen ripped up the paper and threw it at the wall, with the pieces spreading all over the place. She didn't know what to do, all she knew was how pissed she was. She thought Shane ruined only her life, but he ruined the whole Grimes Family. Jen looked at Ricks note and wondered if he knows? Does he know that the baby downstairs is possibly not his? She grabbed the note and her shotgun and ran down the stairs.

Everyone was still in the multi room holding the baby, she looked at Glenn and he still had the letters in his back pocket. She looked at the baby and quickly turned away. She couldn't stand the idea of Shane's blood running through that baby.

"Jennifer, Is everything okay?" Asked Hershel, he could see how pale and distress she was.

"No, nothing is okay. I need to find Rick." She said, she tried holding back her tears and pushed through the group.

Andrea stood in front of Jen again, stopping her.

"Get out of my way." Said Jen, she gripped onto her shotgun wanting to hit Andrea in the face with it.

"Fuck here we go again.." Said Daryl standing up waiting to stop the two from killing each other.

"You said that you would give Rick time, he needs to process this all by himself."

"Andrea, I don't give a fuck about what you say, I need to see my brother."

"Why can't you leave him alone, he doesn't want to see anyone one right now, he doesn't need you bugging him."

"I want to see him because of this!" Jen shoved Ricks letter in her face, "Lori wrote this for Rick, Lori wrote me a letter, and you wrote all of you one too. Glenn has all of yours. Everyone should read there's, get some closure....Cause that's what Rick needs now...closure." Jen pushed past Andrea and walked out the door.

Jen searched the whole block and couldn't find Rick, she went back to the wing her and Daryl were at but still couldn't find him.

She walked outside of the prison and walked to the first gate. She looked around but it was difficult to see with the sunset glaring in her eyes. She looked at the field and saw Rick sitting in the field looking out past the second and third gate where the walkers were trying to get past.

"There you are."

Jen unlocked the gate and  walked to Rick.
She sat next to him and he didn't point his attention to her he was just looking atthe few walkers, reaching towards the gate to get him.

"How long are you going to be out here."
He didn't respond.

"Rick, I know it must hurt but you can't hide your feelings, you can't let your emotions take control of you."
Still silence.

"Say something! You can't stay like this forever. Yea Lori died, it's heartbreaking but you can't be out here alone hiding away. You have a son, and baby to take care of. They don't want me, or beth, or Carol by their side, they need you."

Then he finally responded,"You know, once I woke up from that coma, I tried so hard to find Carl and Lori, and once I did...I was the happiest person alive. But everything changed, me and Lori started having a problem. We fought all the time and I knew nothing was the same between us anymore. I tried my best to them safe, tried making the best decisions I can but It wasn't enough. We weren't the same people."

"Rick I found this for you." Rick looked at Jen and she handed him the letter. He grabbed it and recognized Lori's hand writing, she always curved the end or her r's.

"What is this?" He said staring at it.

"It's for you, Lori wrote everyone a goodbye letter."Jen watched Rick open it and he read the entire five pages. Rick only read one sentence and he began to cry, and it made Jen cry. She knows how Rick feels, and that's why they're so good together, they emphasize for each other and try to help each other grow.

"Did you know?" Asked Jen, a tear ran down her face as she anticipated Rick's silence.

"Of course I knew.... I knew everything. I knew everything just by the way he looked at Lori. Knowing what they did together, it made me hate both of them. I didn't want to be with Lori anymore, and I just wanted to kill Shane. And that's what I tried to do.... I tried killing him but It didn't work out. I had him in cuffs, I took him out the field from our old camp. I pointed my gun at him and once I shot...there was an explosion at our camp. I missed and hit him right in the shoulder. I turn around for one second to look at out camp and there were flames everywhere, I turn back to find Shane and he was gone. Right after I gathered everyone and left, left far away and found this place....I knew I should have killed Shane, he ruined our family."

"So, is that baby your's or Shanes..." Jen looked at Rick and he started back to the walkers.

"Im not sure anymore....but I promised Lori that I would love that baby like it's mine. We will love that baby like it's ours. No matter what that baby is a Grimes."

"Her name is Judith....Carl named her after mom." Jen has tear rushing out her eyes, and Rick smiled.

"Mom would be so proud." Jen nodded and she rested her shoulder on Rick.

"I'm here for you....alway's have been and always will be."

"I know, I know..." Rick wrapped his arm around Jen.