hard and soft- b.e

Ten

-Billie's pov-

I can almost see sparkles in Claires eyes. She hasnt even looked at me that way. Have i understood this all wrong?

All trace of that thought goes away the moment she looks at me. All of my thoughts dissapear and my head is quiet. Its so nice the way my head gets filled with nothing but whats happening in front of me in the moment. Ive never felt this freedom before.

I could just grab her hand and run around the restaurant, grabbing food from everyones tables untin we reach the bathrooms and lock ourselves inside one of them.

"I must really mean something. How much did this cost? And how did you get a table to begin with?" Claire asks, looking deeply into my eyes with such adoration that i almost turn back into a baby and make baby noises instead of words. And when i answer, it comes out as a quiet mumble.

"Dont worry about it. Anything for you." And i smile when her cheeks turn red and she looks down at the soft, probably real silk cloth over the table.

A waitress comes over and we order our food. The waitress looks so hot that i would have tried to flirt with her if i hadnt just found the woman of my dreams a few days ago and she's sitting right in front of me.

We get our drinks shortly after. For me, some light wine that hopefully wont get me too drunk. And for Claire... a soda. At least they have her favorite so she's happy enough.

"Can i taste some of yours? Just a little bit?" Claire asks with big puppy eyes and i cant resist it.

"One sip. A small sip and thats it okay?" I say and hand her the glass. Its funny to see her excitement about wine and how her face changes into pure confusion when she doesnt understand the taste.

"Thats so weird. Wow its warm." She says when she feels the warmth if the alcohol run down her throat. I giggle a little.

"Youve really never had alcohol before?" I ask her. She seems like the kind of person to at least try some alcohol beofre the age of 21.

"Only beer. Never ever wine or anythibg stronger than that. I just dont really see the appeal." She says, and then her face gets dark.

-Claires pov-

The last thing i want right now is to ruin this beautiful moment with Billie, by remembering my past. I have started a new life after i turned 15. That was the age my parents told me i needed to be to move away from them. They never really cared much.

But i had a friend back then who had moved away from where we went to school together and we kept texting and planning for months so i could come live with her when i turned 15. And i actually did it.

It took me so long to get comfortable there with her mom and her. Totally new house, new city, new people, new school. Everything was new, and it was too much for me. Once i had gotten away from the life that i hated more than anything ever... it all crumbled down cus i realized how bad it had all been.

And thats when i started stealing strong beers, vodka, whiskey and other alcohol from my friends mom. After about a year of living with them, i had gotten used to the place. And when her mom found out about my stealing her alcohol, she got me into rehab.

I was so sure that she would put me on the street and my life would become miserable, because thats what my mom would have done. But she didnt. And when i turned 17, i moved into a small appartment by myself and visited my friend every weekend.

My life had finally gotten good, and ive carried my coin from rehab around with me ever since i got it. Luckily, this dress has pockets and i stick my hand into one of them and hold my coin. Its like a lucky charm.

"Claire?" Billie asks. I look up again, not realizing how dark my thoughts had gotten. She looks concerned, but im not sure im ready to tell her about my past. Maybe i never will be. Its forgotten to me now. Its a past life, an old me, and Billie makes me feel like that girl never even existed. That she wasnt me. It was some other girl.

Im scardd that if i tell Billie about the old me, it wont feel the same when im with her. Maybe not becauee of something she does or says or feels about me, but because i know that she knows. And i cant take that right now.

"Im fine dont worry. I was just thinking if i ever drank stronger alcohol in school or smt. Ive forgotten a lot of school so..." i say, and i stop there. I dont wanna say too much, especially if im lying. I dont wanna start our relationship out with lies.

Billie reaches out across the table and puts her hand on top of mine. A surge of electricity shoots through my body and i look at her. I cant tell what that touch means. Does she pity me? Is she flirting? Trying to get my attention? What is this? What does it mean?

"Its okay if you dont wanna tell me. If you ever want to talk... im here for you. I promise. And i wont judge. Ive been through hard shit too. I bet you know all about that." Billie says and smiles at me. I nod. I do know all about that. All about that she was depressed and the songs she wrote back in the day that were so sad. I watched everything about her that i could, and i understand her. More than she knows. Cus i felt all of that too.

"Thanks... ill keep that in mind." I say and turn my hand so our palms are against each other. It feels like the skin inside our palms is melting together. It feels so right. Nobody has ever made me feel so loved, and i never wanna met go of her. I need to hold her in my arms. I need to feel that she's here. That she's real.

——

We keep talking and eating for hours until we literally cant stuff more food down. My dress is tighter around my stomach and i feel like i cant breathe.

"I look pregnant." I laugh and hold my stomach like a pregnant woman would. Billie laughs too.

"You look even hotter pregnant then." She says and looks me up and down. I love how her eyes can never ever focus on one spot like my eyes while we're talking. Ive never seen anyone act like that around me.

"Do you think we should leave now? I cant eat more and we've already has dessert. I just... dont wanna leave you yet." I say, looking down at my lap.

"We could go to your appartment. I mostly chose that room because I liked it. Id like to be there longer than five minutes." Billie says. To me that soubds like the dumbest but best idea ever. Her and me alone in a room. That's what i tried to prepare for. Or is it? Im not sure what she wants.

"Sounds good to me." I say with a smile, trying to hide the way my heart went up my throat when she made the offer.

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