hard and soft- b.e

Eleven

It feels like Billie's driving faster than she did on the way to the restaurant. I dont care once we get back to the hotel. Right now, i would have loved to have just a little bit of alcohol in my system. Just to take some of my anxiety away, because im freaking out. Am i even ready for this yet?

"I can smell that this is your room now. Your perfume, shampoo, everything. It smells like you." Billie says after closing the door behind her. I turn around as she walks closer to me.

"What do i smell like?" I ask her with a very quiet, mousy voice. I feel so tiny right now.
Billie slides one of her hands around my waist and i almost start giggling cus it tickles. But then i feel the warmth inside me spreading, and it doesnt seem funny anymore.

Its like everything else dissapears and her voice and her touch gets amplified by a million percent. Its all i hear and feel.

"Like home. Vanilla, lavender. And the smell of mixed shampoo's in a changing room by a public pool." She says, and i can hear that she's smiling.

"I'm afraid i dont know that shampoo smell." I say and turn my head over my shoulder to look at her. Her eyes fly to my lips, and before i know it, she's kissing me. Im so shocked that i almost fall, but she wraps both of her arms tightly around my body so i cant fall.

Her lips are warm and softer than i could ever imagine. And she tastes like wine and chocolate ice cream. Im already addicted.

I can feel my heartbeat racing away and the blood pumping so fast in my body that my skin tingles. I literally feel like im floating... or fainting. Its like the feeling you can get when your about to fall asleep, and you feel like your falling. Imagine that, but falling in circles. Spinning and rising and floating and falling.

Except all i feel around me is her body agaisnt mine. Her warmth transferring into my body. And i want more. I need more.

I writhe in her arms and manage to turn my body so im facing her. Her hands grab tightly onto the back of my dress like she never wants to let go of me again. A sigh eacapes her mouth and i soak it up.

I wrap my fingers in her black, soft hair and hold her head so she cant get away. But suddenly, i really feel like im about to faint. Like i dont have enough oxygen. I have to sepperate our lips so i can breathe.

"No..." Billie mumbles when our lips arent touching any longer. Its too overwhelming too look into her eyes, so i close my eyes again and focus on my breathing.

"You okay?" Billie asks, and i can hear that she's struggling to breathe as well. I wonder what would have happened if i didnt stop the kiss.

"Yes... more than okay. I just couldnt breathe." I say when i finally feel okay again, and i open my eyes and look into hers. I will never get used to her shining eyes.

"Your eyes look so big." She says and smiles widely. Shes holding in her laugh.

"You should see your own." I say and giggle a little. This feels completely surreal, but so right. Ive never felt like something was fate or destiny before, but if that exists, this is part of my destiny.

"I barely even know you and here we are..." Billie says with a smile, but I can see how some of her confidence has faded away. She's unsure about this and i am too. It would be a big change for both of us.

"I'd like to find out who you really are too. Away from camera's. I've only ever seen videos of you." I say as we get slowly further and further away from each other.

"Ok... lets start at the beginning." Billie says as she sits down on the bed and waits for me to sit beside her.

I tell her stories. She tells me stories. For hours and hours we just talk and talk aboit our oppinions, experiences and things that make us who we are. I wasn't sure if i wanted to tell Billie about my childhood yet, but if she's gonna understand my stories, i have to tell her some of it. So thats what i do.

I pull myself together and only tell her the important things. And nothing about the alcohol, just that i was depressed. Which is true, but only half.

"Im sorry you went through that. Do you feel better now?" She asks and puts her hand in mine. The feeling makes me wanna spill everything.

"Much better. Especially when im with you. You're the only person that makes me feel like none of that ever happened. You're like a drug." I say and hold her hand even tighter. We lock eyes and suddenly the tension is back.

I didnt realize that it just felt like we were two friends talking and sharing, until now. Now I cant resist the temptasion. Its pointless to even try.

So i lean in and kiss her with such longing that i hope she can feel it. I never want her to go away and she needs to know that, but i cant make myself tell her.

Billie's body moves automatically closer to mine and something inside us just connects. We move like we share the same brain, and suddenly we're laying flat on the bed, her body on top of mine between my legs.

I didnt realize we got this far, we just got carried away by the kiss.

Her hands explore my body and slides under my clothes. Wherever her fingers touch me, she leaves a mark. I can still feel that she's been there even when she isnt touching that spot anymore.

I hold onto her body, i dont want her to stop. Her lips trace down my neck and to my colarbones. The warmth thats been spreading inside me since i started this, is getting extreme. Its on the verge of being too much. Its so overwhelming and my mind is racing and i cant figure out if i want this to stop or get even further. And i need more time to decide that.

"Billie... stop. I need more time." I say, but it barely even sounds like more than a whisper.

Gently, i push her a little away from me, and she looks down on me with worry.

"You okay?" She asks, probably thinking that she did something wrong.

"Im fine. Im just not ready for more than kissing right now i think. But... can you... stay for the night? I dont want you to go." I ask. I try to make pleading puppy eyes and im not sure if it works. But she agrees so I got what i wanted.

The rest of the night, we watch a movie until i fall asleep with my head on her chest.

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