Better Off Alone (BOOK 1)(Wattys 2016)

The Crary

When we arrive at the Crary I walk in on Clive's arm and find Laurene standing at the front of the gallery entrance, waiting for me. She's beaming with pride and I smile at her, nervous, but steady with Clive beside me.

"Gemma, honey, I want you to come with me to meet the judges. They've been dying to meet you." She takes hold of my other arm and starts to lead me away.

I pull Clive with me and when he looks down at me I lower my voice to a whisper and say to him, "Don't leave me until I find out if I've won."

His eyes still hold that seriousness as he winks at me. "Wouldn't dream of it, Gemmie."

Laurene leads us to a group of two men and a woman. The first that Laurene motions to is a kind looking woman who has white hair that reminds me of duck fluff on baby chicks. I know it sounds weird, but it's really what it looks like. She wears glasses and a flowy shirt with billowy dress pants. The woman gives me a gentle smile and extends her hand.

Laurene introduces us. "Gemma Lawrence, this is Anne Mead, the granddaughter of Maverick Crary, founder of the Crary Institute."

The next person she introduces me to is a man who has graying black hair that is limp, but curly. He smiles at me, but it's slightly more rigid than Anne's. He's larger and he wears a suit that's obviously cut specifically for him. He extends his hand and I feel the demanding presence in his handshake.

"This is Andrew Pollard, the chief curator of the Crary museum here in California and one of the judges."

Laurene motions to the last person, a young man with closely cropped hair and is dressed as... a hipster. He has on thick framed glasses and wears a sharply cut brown suit with a fitted vest and a blue and brown dotted bow tie. His socks are obviously displayed, showing the blue pattern. He has a little scruff, but not too much and he gives me a kind smile, much like Anne's. He shakes my hand and I instantly like him, knowing he's kind at heart.

"This is Maverick Crary the fourth and he's the next generation of the Crary vision. He just took the place of his father and this is his first year of judging. He is also the president of the International Committee."

I smile at all of them. "It is an honor to be in your gallery and I thank you for that privilege."

We share a few pleasantries and then they're on the move, gliding to another contestant and giving a whole new round of introductions. Clive and Laurene talk to me, helping me keep my nerves to a minimum.

And then everyone is being ushered into the adjacent room which only has rows of seats facing a podium at the front of the room. We file in and sit towards the front where contestants sit with their immediate guests. Once everyone seems to be seated, the judges come and stand at the front.

Anne smiles at everyone. "Hello, I am Anne Mead and I represent the board of directors for the Crary Art Competition here in California and I am a member of the International committee as well. California is the main headquarters of the Crary institution. This is the very first museum that was put into existence for Crary art. My grandfather had a vision to fill minds of the youth with the inspiration that came with art and we believe that vision is being carried out to this day through this competition and with the museums under the Crary name that exist throughout the country and the world today."

Maverick - aka the hipster judge - continues the welcome speech. "We had an overwhelming job of deciding who would be the receiver of the chance to compete at national level for the high school entrees. We also chose the top ten recipients of positions in the California Gallery. We want you to know that these decisions that have been made were taken into consideration for great lengths of time and we believe that the people chosen embrace the entire Crary Vision through their art.

"We believe that they inspire, that they are passionate and that they are going to continue their art for as long as they continue to be inspired. Inspiration plays a huge role in our vision and without it there would be no art. We will now call forward the ten finalists that have been chosen; among these artists is the winner of the abroad scholarship offered to one high student for the study of art."

Andrew Pollard pulls an envelope from his suit coat and clears his throat. "Isla Jamieson, adult entree; Justin Bowersox, high school entree; Mia Jean Marie, high school entree," as he calls up each entree my stomach clenches tighter and tighter. I wait for my name and then, it's being called and I feel myself floating up towards the front, my feet gliding across the floor. I smile at those in the audience, unsure if the nerves or the excitement gets to me more. Even if I didn't win, I'm a finalist - I'm in the museum for the entire year, or at least, my work is.

Maverick holds a purple envelope in his hand after all the names have been called. My eyes focus on the gold seal that closes the envelope as he begins, "The high school winner of the scholarship and chance to study abroad at a Crary location is..." He slides his thumb beneath the seal and I feel silence settle over the entire room.

I look out at the audience and find my family and friends smiling at me, already proud of me - no matter the outcome. I feel my chest swell at the sight, but a part of me holds back, realizing that he's not there among them. I really thought he would come. After all, he does love me more than anyone and I him.

My eyes scan the rest of the crowd, hopeful to see Larkin, but he's not there. I ruined any chance of that.

"Gemma Lawrence!"