Better Off Alone (BOOK 1)(Wattys 2016)

Not Magical But Sweet

I'm not alone. I thought I was, but I'm not.

"Gem? What's wrong?"

I feel my fingers reach up and pull my mask off, not caring what happens to it or my makeup or my hair, not caring at all. I turn to see Larkin, watching me, concerned. He comes closer to me and I look away, knowing that to watch him is only more painful.

I decide to look up, at the stars. They don't hesitate to shine in all their glory. They're simply there and they do all that they've ever known to do.

"Gem? Please, talk to me."

I close my eyes. The stars are printed across my mind in a memory. "Larkin, please leave me alone."

I hear Larkin sigh and I feel him come even closer. "Gemma, don't give me that shit. You're always telling me to leave you alone, but I'm not going to leave you alone. Don't you realize that?"

I shake my head, opening my eyes and turning to face him. "Why? Why can't you leave me alone? I don't want what you give me. You give me too much confusion, too much hurt and I am sick of it, Larkin. I can't stand another snide comment from you, I can't stand another laugh with you, I can't stand any more of you, Larkin."

Larkin shook his head. "Gemma, I'm so confused. Please, let me know what all this is."

I sigh and with one swoop my universe crashes down, landing at my feet. My lip quivers, the stars blink and I feel the tears slide down my cheek. The quivers move from just my lip and I begin shaking as I cry. I'm usually not a big crier, but something within me is just so tired of all of... this.

I regret crying almost instantly. Larkin's arms wrap around me and I feel the cold seep out of me and it's replaced by the warmth of Larkin. He's calming me and I feel my whole body still. Neither of us moves and then, I make a stupid stupid stupid mistake.

I look up at Larkin and I find a reason to let go. I can't lose him. He means too much to me.

Which is why I hug him and then I let him lead me back to the gymnasium like all is forgotten. But nothing is forgotten. I'm only trying to save us both by stopping anything before it begins.

***

I'm not sure how it happens, but in the days that follow the dance I find myself surrounded by Dean. It begins Monday morning when he's waiting at my locker after assembly. I don't know why, but at the sight of him I feel a little hope.

"Dean! What are you doing here?" I give him a hug and smile up at him.

"Hi, Gemma. I just thought I'd see what's up. Just because the dance is done and gone I don't see why we have to stop hanging out. Unless... you don't want to."

I shake my head. "No, no, it's fine. It's better than fine. Walk with me to first period?"

It doesn't stop there. In fact, Dean still walks me to ever class and at the end of the day he comes to find me in the art rooms. He knocks on the door and comes in to stand by me. "Gemma, can I ask you a question? Or, tell you something really."

I'm a little confused, but nod to him, telling him to carry on.

"I had a really fun time with you at the dance. And, I liked spending time with you in the weeks before as well. I think you're a really amazing girl and I guess... I guess what I want to ask is if you'd be willing to go out with me and be my girlfriend?"

I keep my eyes from widening in shock. I can't believe what I'm hearing. Dean wants me to be his girlfriend? Various thoughts flood my mind, but over all of them is one blaring thought: yes yes yes.

Dean looks at me hopefully and I stand up from my stool, coming to stand in front of him. "I would love that, Dean."

Dean smiles and leans down, kissing me on my lips. It's not magical, but it's sweet.

I'm not sure where this will take me, but hopefully it will distract me so much from Larkin that I won't have that constant Something pounding in my heart.