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🥘 sixteen. to live for & to die for .⊹ °ʚ☆ɞ°.⭒₊
"I'm so fuckin' nervous."
"Don't worry, you'll be okay."
"Wait, don't kiss me. I just woke up."
Her heartbeat rapidly thudded and thumped against his bare chest where a tattooed triangle rested on his pectoral. His blue eyes, almost wide, bore into her brown eyes even though she was staring up at the ceiling. The sky was a purpley-orange shade as the sun came up and the morning coldness slipped through the curtains of an open window. Nearby, a stray cat has already climbed up the rusted stairs of a fire escape. Her chest rose up then down with each breath she took and her head rested into the white pillow. It was peaceful despite her panicking.
It was true that Odessa Sinclair got nervous easily. Everybody knew it too.
She got finicky. Her hands often got sweaty to the point where she had to grip her hands and her eyes often darted all over the place in order to avoid eye contact. Anything that kept her from caving in on herself and dying on the spot. Either way, she got nervous so often it felt like she couldn't stop herself from fidgeting so often and it honestly felt so suffocating that she couldn't breathe properly. Her nervousness made her overthink about everything and it would make her twist and turn.
"What if I don't do good? What if I fail my first day and they just kick me out? What then?" asked Odessa, her skin feeling like molten lava as she tried to breathe properly and her heart was rapidly beating, sinking against her ribcage. "I'll just..go back to the restaurant and do what I do best."
"You'll be okay." said Carmy even if his eyes were a little cloudy from having to just wake up and he pressed a featherlight kiss against the side of her mouth. "You've got this. You can't fuck this up."
"Oh, my God." said Odessa, feeling like the panic was setting in and she buried her face against her sweaty palms. She breathed for a few seconds before she exhaled sharply and she looked over at Carmy, her lips pulled down into a frown. "Aren't you supposed to get ready for work?"
"Yeah, yeah, I'm just..waiting for you to get up." said Carmy, watching as Odessa finally sat up and so did he, pressing a light kiss against the base of her throat. "You got this."
Odessa let out a weary laugh and got up on her feet.
Because of her fidgeting, Odessa had to stop and redo whatever she was doing like messing up the buttons on her shirt and mismatching her socks. Being accepted into Douglas J Aveda Institute was nerve wracking because it was so prestigious and it made her panic badly. She had Carmy chop off her own hair because she didn't even wash it so what could make her a beautician? She didn't know because her decision was so last minute and it sprung out randomly. She would either do it for awhile, maybe three or so months, and drop the idea as soon as she got bored.
Thoughts began overfilling her head as she sat on the bus, since Carmy was already late for work, and her body swayed with each bump. Her hand clutched the strap of her tote bag tightly as she sat in the seat and she tapped her feet repeated against the carpeted floor of the bus.
Stress poured out of her pores like pus and she merely stared out the window as buildings pass by. Odessa looked down at her phone, scrolling through the plethora of stack text messages. One from Carmy made her smile. Good luck. Simple, subtle, but it put her at ease. She grinned softly as she hearted his message and she pulled on her headphones where heavy metal music played loudly in her ears. She listened to the loud music while trying not to worry about it all.
The music eased her worry about paying rent, her relationships, the fact both of her parents were dead, her quitting the job Mikey had given her, everything. She closed her eyes and she laid her head back against the seat, watching as the world around her passed by. It was fine, happy as people continued to walk down the sidewalk with their heads held up high.
.⊹ °ʚ☆ɞ°.⭒₊
A orangey-yellow color sprawled across the clear sky by the time Odessa left the academy, feeling relaxed and okay-ish. Different colors of eye shadow were smeared in lines across her forearm, so was different colors of lipstick, and one of her cheeks were powdered in blush. Her face felt like it was bright, gleaming with absolute positivity as Odessa moved to the bus stop and she checked the time on her phone. It was six in the evening. Odessa paused when she saw the bus wasn't coming and she looked around, stepping back to hold her tote bag tighter before she opened her messages. The pad of her thumb pressed against Carmy's contact and she listened to the phone ringing, feeling awkward and out of place.
Your call has been directed to an automated voicemail.
Odessa furrowed her eyebrows as she looked down at her phone screen, being greeted by nothing in particular. After the beep of the electronic voice, she panicked and almost dropped her phone. "Hey..Caramel, I'm, uh, I'm gonna see you in a few if the bus route is actually on time. I hope..things at The Bear is going good and hopefully you and the others will be able to..enjoy cooking and what not." Odessa paused, nervously chewing on her lower lip as a result.
"There's..I-I have this sudden urge to just spew out whatever I'm thinking and I'm working really hard to change and fix it. But..uhm..I-I just wanna say that I always think you're awesome and cool and super fucking talented. Honestly, the world deserves you. Everyone deserves you because you're so smart. When you texted me this morning, I felt so much better and I feel like I needed to hear you say that over and over again."
Another pause then Odessa inhaled sharply. "I love you. I really, really fucking do. I don't think I'd want to trade my life for anything else than this and I'm super sorry for being soggy and sappy out of nowhere. Bye. I love you."
She pressed the red call button and a flutter started in her chest. She had never told him that. Through their six months of dating, they never told each other that because it didn't need to be said by the soft kisses or the hand holding. That was the furthest they ever went. The words naturally slipped out of her lips and Odessa let out a soft grin before she walked over to her bus stop.
