Anything - Carl Grimes

xxix. Finally out of the chambers? Dope.

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Living and coexisting in a community was easier said than done. Carmen recalls being excited about living amongst new people again, but she quickly changed her mind as the days passed. The people were starting to build a genuine life in the prison, ignoring the past and focusing on the future. They were the greater good, as Rick said.

Carol was holding reading time with the kids where she'd sit down and read them to no end. It was rather childish, in their opinion. Once they got their guns taken away, Carmen and Carl objected to it. To the adults' luck, they weren't exaggerating, but they tried to protest and talk the adults into giving them their weapons back. It failed, yet adults empathized with them, understanding the anxiety the two children experienced after having to defend themselves for so long, only to have their source of protection stripped away.

Carmen spent their time together until they quickly got tired and annoyed by each other. Carl changed cells and was now sleeping in the cell on the lower floor, and Matt came to share the cell with Carmen. Carmen spends most of her nights wide awake due to nightmares that occur in her mind every night. They were all rather specific nightmares where Carmen is 

surrounded by walkers, or on the verge of dying by one of them.

Similar nightmares repeat every night, which makes Carmen's whole mood fall. She feels weak. Defenseless. She looks at Carl and wonders if he has nightmares because he doesn't seem scared of the walkers. Carmen feels jealous of Carl's bravery. She desires to be as brave as he is, but every time she is around walkers, she seems so tough, however, anxiety fills the pit of her stomach.

Carmen's routine was the same every morning. She'd get up, get herself and Matt ready for the day, take Matt in the yard to eat, and then return to the cell block. She felt disquiet every time she interacted with any new members. And the fact is, she only ever talked to five of them. Or at least four members of Woodbury she didn't know before.

She met Lizzie and Mika, and Dorothy was right. They were the sweetest girls Carmen had ever met. She talked to them once or twice, and the conversations were short but long enough for Carmen to feel slightly happy. Before the outbreak, Carmen never had anyone her age or close to her age be nice to her. Carl also introduced her to his friend, Patric. He was a real geek, but Carmen liked him.

She also met Mika and Lizzie's dad, Ryan Samuels. Ryan was sweet, but their interaction was just them introducing themselves. She also met Karen, Tyreese's girlfriend, once Sasha and Tyreese returned, they reminded Carmen of what happened when they first came to the prison, and Carmen finally remembered why she didn't want Alen and Ben at the prison.

The loneliness settled in Carmen's quiet life. She was starting to find comfort in her rather lonely self. She didn't put any effort into spending time with others or talking to them, but the moments she spent with them were enough to fill the emptiness in her heart. Sometimes, Carmen would spend the whole day in her cell, reading comics she secretly stole from Carl or books about birds and their history.

Sometimes, Carmen would lie on her bed, staring at the ceiling. Her mind was always thinking but not about important stuff. She was stuck in daydreams and flashbacks of the past. The time back then was easier, but she found this life calmer and more peaceful. Carmen drowned in her loneliness and never saw trouble because she learned how to coexist with it.

This morning, when she woke up, which was before sunrise, she stayed in bed the whole morning. Staring at one black dot on the wall was maybe the most productive thing she had done in two days. The girl was hugging the pillow close to her stomach, and her blanket was partly falling off the edge of the bed. She let the time pass for her, and the time that flew like ten minutes for Carmen was actually a few hours. That was until Dorothy dragged her out of the bed, made her get changed, and now they made their way outside the prison.