One decision

Chapter seven: Im not hungry

Katniss POV:

I've been home for the last two days claiming to have a headache but in reality I couldn't bare going to school after what happened Tuesday during mrs.browns English Literature class.

Every days the same:
- Katniss breakfast!!
- I'm not hungry

- Katniss did you eat lunch today?
- Yes i did, (lie)
- Oh okey

- Dinner time!!
-  I'm not hungry!!
- Are you sure?
- Yes mom please let me be.

I track my weight loss progress in my head and right now I'm standing in on the scale for the 6th time this week. Just this week i lost 4lbs.
I now weigh 110. But its not even close to enough. I feel the word FAT appear over my head written on my forehead so everybody can see. I usually starve myself until I almost pass out thats when i eat a sandwich and then i feel so guilty and disgusted I usually have a panic attack but it does keep me from passing out, which is good so no one finds out.

Volleyball practice has gotten harder because my muscles has broken down and my legs can barely support my weight let alone workout.
But everyday i force myself to workout i keep telling myself it will all be worth it. But honestly I'm starting to wonder if i took it to far? I can easily count all my ribs without even lifting my shirt. My bones are threatening to break my skin.

- Katniss where are you?? Its time to go!
Prim yells from the front door.

I sigh, mom made me go to school today because she isn't buying my headache story anymore.

After school its volleyball practice and tomorrows a big game. At least i have that to look forward to.

Walking down the stairs prim is waiting by the door eager to get going. This morning its a cold day in September so i grab my coat. One thing that comes with my weight loss is that i am constantly cold, its like I wouldn't even warm up if i was on fire.

- Come on Katniss we don't wanna be late!
Walking towards the school building i see Annie and Johanna standing outside waiting for their other friends.
- Bye prim see you after school and practice!!
- Bye have a good day!!

After we split up i pull my coat tighter around me and make myself look smaller so maybe they won't notice me.

- Hey Katniss, how are you today? Where you sick?
Shit I think wile turning to them.
- Hi Johanna Im good i just had a headache for a few days.

- Oh okey

- I need to go sorry

- Bye!

I quickly walk past them into to warm school but it seems to do nothing to my cold skin. I'm wearing a oversized gray sweatshirt and black sweatpants. Thats the only clothes i can fit into without making it obvious about the weight i have lost.

After school and after practice:

When hitting the last server and almost fainting of exhaustion i hear Coach call on me.

- Hey Katniss can i talk to you for a minute?
- oh alright

- So I've been noticing you seem to have lost your spark and I'm sorry but I'm gonna have to take you of tomorrow's game team.

I knew this was going to happen it was only a matter of time before my body was gonna give up on volleyball.

- And Katniss i hate to bring this up but I'm worried about you.

- Oh why's that?
I swallow hard begging that she isn't going to say anything about me health.

- You seem to have lost some weight and I've been watching you for a wile and you don't seem to eat anything in school, are you starving yourself Katniss?

My hole body freezes and my mind starts racing to find an excuse of why.

- Oh I haven't noticed that but no i do eat i just like to eat more at home but i do eat lunch also.
- I'm not sure i believe you but alright I'll let it pass for now.
- I need to go now sorry but thank you for looking out for me but I'm fine really.

I walk out of there before she has the opportunity to say anything more.

As i open the front door Coaches voice is still ringing in my ears: "You seem to have lost weight? Are you okay? You're not starving yourself are you?"

- Hii Katniss!! How was practice?
Prim runs up and hugs me before I even closed the door.
- It was good thank you.

- I cooked you dinner!!
Prim announces proudly.

My heart immediately sink to my stomach. No, no, no, no!! I can't eat this!! This most contain so many calories!! I swallow hard before answering trying to look happy and not stressed.
- Oh thank you prim it was very nice of you but I'm not hungry right now.

- Oh okay but please try it its so good!!
She looks so disappointed i can help but sign and then sit down at the table. She made a tomato pasta with garlic bread on the side.
My head starts screaming at me and counting the calories as i take the first bite. I'm sure it would be very good but I can't taste anything, it's just like sand paper to me. The food grows in my mouth making it hard to swallow. Come on Katniss you have too stop this!! Your gonna gain so much weight!!

- Its very good prim thank you.
- Your welcome!!
Her smile is almost making it worth it.

Bite by bite I manage to eat half of it before declaring that I'm full.
After dinner i go to the bathroom to weigh myself. The scale reads 101 lbs. FAT FAT FAT FAT
The food in my stomach feel uncomfortable and i feel the need to get rid of it.

Without a second thought i push three fingers down my throat until I'm gagging and throwing all my food up. Then washing my hands and flushing the toilet I can't even wrap my head around what I just did. I just made myself sick, something i used to hate when I was younger.