Dainty and Dauntless

Hi, I'm love:

Falling without caution, no protective gear to soften the blow, Ignorant about the depth of the fall or when to brace for impact. I fell for you and now my limbs are broken from the crash, along with my flightless heart.

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In this dream, she was immersed in a pit, a one-way ticket down which gave zero hope of success if she ever tried climbing up. She had to find out if she was the only one down here. The hole was pitch black, afraid of the sunlight. She didn't know how big it was but when she took a couple of steps from where she had been it seemed quite vast. The thought of being alone in a huge light-deprived pit was very scary.

Why was she down here? She had school, and classes, couldn't she go back to that please?

"School? Class?..."
"Ethan?"
Had that been a question? To what though?

"Ethan" She repeated, a bit unsure.

Her heart clenched and felt heavy and a feeling of deep sorrow overwhelmed her. She could feel the tears seeping out from her eyes and her lips quivering as she began to sob.

"Ethan!", she yelled.

Tears kept flowing, uncontrollably and she couldn't bring herself to stop shaking. The feeling was too strong. She gave in to it and squat in the darkness, wiping fruitlessly the river of tears that made her face soggy. She called once more, and the feeling began to decipher. Her chest was heaving, and eyes were swollen. She kept still in silence, motionless as another feeling ensued deep within her soul. She felt bright, ecstatic. She felt merry.

"Ethan Valer"
A smile made its way to her cheeks.

She didn't know why but she was struggling to keep the blushing in control. Natalie was shocked, eyes wide open and lips parted. She had no idea what was going on and she burst out laughing, so much she had to grip her belly.

She regained consciousness with soft giggles. Natalie stared out and sat upright in bed.

"Ethan, freaking Valer", she clicked her tongue, "
Oh dear Lord"

Ethan Valer, it seemed everything revolved around him of late. She had known happiness before and had gotten her fair part of it in her life, but in this part of life, the small portion of it that Ethan existed in made her idea of happiness a huge mystery. A tall boy with a bland personality, a smarty-pants with an appearance that made her heart thump one beat more per minute.
Was it love? Was this love?
If it was, why was she fearful. Deep down she sensed an overwhelming discomfort, a horrible pain that frightened to blow up. She kept peeking at it with uncertainty. But again, she felt a similar amount of joy when she laid eyes on Ethan Valer. A thought of him had her thinking about an eternity of bliss, and at the back of her mind, after every giggle caused by a thought of him, the fear took over. It lingered and had become one of her horrors. Natalie felt scared of losing Ethan Valer's presence, she needed him to always be part of her life, even if as an ordinary person. How? How could she get the words to tell him that she liked him when she hasn't been successful with making him a friend? Where was she ever going to get the courage to look him in the eyes and tell him that she thought his hands were pretty? She tried to speak to him with glances, intense and shy at the same time as her eyes twinkled with curiosity and stealthiness. She questioned Ethan Valer countless times. It was a mixture of sudden look aways, double takes, cold-shoulders, weird postures, magnetic sweep past each other and pauses after locking eyes. Ethan's eyes spoke, with a faint tone and inconsistent timing. He was back to being an enigma.
The clock ticked away, making its way to midnight. Slumber-land sure had a mass of visitors by now and some were still checking in at the reception.  Unlike many Natalie lay in bed, awake, staring at the ceiling wall. The silence synced so well with her quiet breathing. She was in thought, both deeply and mildly as a part of her was knocking crazy at her brain and another trying to rock it to sleep. She turned to her side, giving in to the knocking. Elise who had fallen asleep not long ago fidgeted out of sleep.

"Hey," her call startled Natalie. "You're awake".

"Yeah, I had a dream that woke me up". Elise sat up on her bed, "would you like to share?"

"It's about a boy," Natalie softly admitted.

"Do you have feelings for this boy?" Elise asked.

"I don't know. I— I just can't stop thinking about him". She sighed.
"Nothing wrong with that. What do you think about him?"

"He is very smart, funny and cute," she chuckled shyly. "I like the way he is. I find him very different".

Elise had furrowed her eyebrows and leaned in closer. "What do you mean by that?"
Natalie hadn't known what to say next, she had a lot to say but she really didn't know how to say it all.

"I don't know, I may be wrong, Elise. I just can't figure him out. I want to know what he's thinking about, actually, I need to know. From the first time I saw him, he's taken my attention."

Elise crossed her legs, "As long as he isn't seeing anyone publicly then it's alright."

"And what if he does get someone?, she paused. "Or what if he doesn't like me back".

"Well then, we find ourselves a cuter nerd." She chuckled.

"But I don't want that. I need him to want me, Elise". Natalie's voice was soft.

"Do you talk to him?" Natalie nodded. "Well how does he behave around you?"

"Like I said, he's funny and weirdly cute. But we don't talk a lot." "Okay, let's give it time".

"Should I tell him?" Elise's eyes bulged, "what? No!"

"It's stupid I know, but I can't focus on anything else. I feel like I have no control over anything. It's taking up most of my thoughts."

"And you think it's better to let him know how desperately in love you are with him? Does that sound smart to you?"

"No," Natalie tried not to laugh.
"Exactly!"

They both burst out laughing and hushed when Sera sleepily complained.
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