Dainty and Dauntless

All, but you:

The void deepens every time my mind rings with your memory, a memory of loss. I lost you to someone else. But... you ran to another's arms when mine were open the widest. I really never did have you.

🥀🥀🥀

College life for Natalie was a strange mix of excitement and melancholy, a new chapter that felt incomplete without the familiar faces of her two best friends from high school.
She missed Elise and Garf every second she had in a day. This new life would have been phenomenal with them around. She really wouldn't mind joining the active social life alongside her buddies. Unfortunately for her, Elise and Garf had enrolled at a different university in another city. How could they be so lucky?
They were really meant for each other.

The bustling campus was overwhelming, the constant noise and activity a stark contrast to the quiet corners she had once shared with her friends.
She missed her old library, and the seat she always loved to snuggle in while she unraveled a good read she happened to have stumbled on.
The serenity was to die for.

Making new friends didn't come easily. Conversations were totally cool, except for the parts where she found them too dull for her interest or too personal to indulge, and at most times too exaggerated. She often found herself on the outskirts of conversations, listening and trying not to chirp in. They didn't mind it either.
It was a good thing Elise always cautioned her about people hating a "little Miss cogitative".

So, eye contact and assuring head nods always did the trick.

She preferred the company of books and quiet study sessions in the library, the new library. It was bigger, spacious and busier, and it still was the one place where she could lose herself in the pages of a novel or focus on her coursework without the pressure of social interaction. While others seemed to thrive in the lively social scene of college, attending parties and joining clubs, Natalie focused more on observing than participating in the life unfolding around her.

It was interesting how life moved forward each and every day, whisking away the events of yesterday like it was nothing. Each day came, and they showed up, she listened, she watched, she awed, she loathed, and another presented itself right after.
The people cherished that. Another day to express themselves.

Time had flown quick to right now. The new beginnings were finally here. She felt happy in them. In them was a taste of freedom, expression, opportunity and hope. From here, she had more time to search and find, think and rethink, try and become. She loved new beginnings.

Hope... years had gone by since registering his face for the last time that rainy day.
As the cold snapped her to reality, she had sulked. For some reason, he had been tongue-tied. His blank face had been a reminder that she needed to stop leading herself on.
If only she hadn't had this world to come back to. She would have loved to stay in that small world, their world.

New was cheery, only turning glum when he popped in her mind. Ethan's memory towered over her life, turning to grey any brightness surrounding her.

Then she would miss him, miss him and miss him until she would hate the universe.

She knew he was out there, living his own life, with someone else, but the thought of moving on felt like betraying the feelings she had held onto for so long.

With all the freedom at hand, she still couldn't have him for a visit.
She often styled her hair now. She wouldn't mind him touching it. All the pretty clothes she had very much longed for his gaze.
Amidst all the hugs and hellos received in a day, she craved to burrow her face in his chest, and answer back to a greeting from his lips. Laughing at jokes from guys during conversations was fun. She wondered if he could make even better ones.

Elise and Garf's video calls were life saving. One from him would be life changing.

She made a toast.
"Cheers to new beginnings, and the past that strongly opposes this toast"

🥀🥀🥀