Dainty and Dauntless

All, but you:

The void deepens every time my mind rings with your memory, a memory of loss. I lost you to someone else. But... you ran to another's arms when mine were open the widest. I really never did have you, did I?

                                   🥀🥀🥀

College life for Natalie was a strange mix of excitement and melancholy, a new chapter that felt incomplete without the familiar faces of Garfield and Elise. She missed them too much, this new life would have been phenomenal with them around, maybe then it wouldn't be so hard trying to join the active social life. Unfortunately for her, Elise and Garf  had enrolled at a different university in another city.
How could they get so lucky?
She believed they were having so much fun without her. She missed watching them blush between talks, having left their side now made her wish she had recorded the two love birds.
The bustling campus was overwhelming, the constant noise and activity a stark contrast to the quiet corners she had once shared with her friends. She missed her old library, and the seat she always loved to snuggle in while she unraveled a good read she happened to have stumbled on, the serenity had been one to die for.
With a new environment, making new friends didn't come easy. She had been lucky to win the companionship of Garfield earlier on in high school, but Natalie didn't think she was going to get lucky twice. Conversations were totally cool, except for the parts where she found them too dull for her interest or too personal to indulge, and at most times too exaggerated. She often found herself on the outskirts of conversations, listening and trying not to chirp in. No one did mind either if she talked or stayed silent, if she smiled or laughed too hard, everyone was ordinary. Both Mrs. Simmons and Elise had always cautioned her about people hating a "little Miss cogitative". Apparently eye contact and assuring head nods always did the trick; people didn't feel offended or protective about sharing because of that. And just like in high school, she preferred the company of books and quiet study sessions in the library. However, the new library was bigger, a whole lot spacious and busier than the cozy room she had known, but it still was the one place where she could lose herself in the pages of a novel or focus on her coursework without the pressure of social interaction. While others seemed to thrive in the lively social scene of college, attending parties and joining clubs, Natalie focused more on observing than participating in the life unfolding around her. It was interesting how life moved forward each and every day, whisking away the events of yesterday like they were nothing. Each day came, and people showed up, she listened, she watched, she awed, she loathed, and another twenty four hours presented itself right after. Humans, along with Natalie cherished it, they were thankful for another day to express themselves and Natalie was happier with the morning glow and the midnight darkness. Time had flown quick to these moments, the new beginnings were finally here and she felt hopeful in them. There was a taste of freedom, a chance of expression, opportunity to live in solitude. Independence wasn't a bad thing. From here, she had more time to search and find, think and rethink, try and become. She did love new beginnings.

It had been a long time since registering his face for the last time. Their last interaction had been disappointing. She recalled; as the cold snapped her to reality, she had sulked and for some reason, he had been tongue-tied. His blank face had been a reminder that she needed to stop filling in the gaps for him. Ethan Valer had more to do for himself before he ever could get to speaking his mind. In his eyes, she had seen too many voids that may have compelled her to get closer to him, but he had been too selfish with them, with finding out what trailed behind his silence. His world was a mystery to Natalie, but merged with hers she thought it made perfect sense. But even so, with flaws, mystery, arrogance and unpredictable character, she was uncontrollably in love with Ethan Valer. Memories of him towered over her life, turning to gray any brightness surrounding her, and she would miss him, miss him and miss him until she would hate the universe. She knew he was out there, living his own life, with someone else, but the thought of moving on felt like betraying the feelings she had held onto for so long. With all the freedom at hand, she still couldn't have him over for a visit. They weren't friends.
She often styled her hair now and looked back at her reflection in the mirror, thinking how pretty it looked and how she wouldn't mind him touching it.
Her skin was clearer, smoother and glowed more. It was a shame that Ethan couldn't take back his words.
All the pretty clothes that glorified her body made her think of his gaze. She needed his eyeballs glued to her body but he was gone now, and best if it stayed that way.

"To new beginnings, and the past that strongly opposes this toast," Natalie said and dug her teeth in the burger.

She had hastily made her way into the diner for some coffee and something to eat before it had darkened outside. Apart from the library, this diner also gave her comfort. It was a jog away from her campus, by the road that she usually took during her evening runs. Its sign had been erected high in front of a parking lot separated from the building by short trees. A pavement inclined from where the entrance of the diner was, revealing a wooden structure with glass surrounding the upper half to the roof. On the inside it looked like a vintage cafeteria, classic music played  and the menu was very attractive.
Natalie had fallen in love with it the first time and had made it a habit to stop by every time she got the chance. It was coming to 8pm when she stood up, finally deciding to head back to her hostel even though she wanted to stay longer. The golden lights made the interior look enchanting. Natalie stood and waved to a blonde waitress who was standing by the counter.

"Leaving already?"

Natalie collected her keys, "I might not be here for a few days"

"Oh, have the finals arrived already?," the waitress asked Natalie who nodded back with a frown. "Well then, I'll make sure to keep your spot cozy"

"Always Grace"

And with that, she exited the lovely atmosphere of The Plush and missed Elise again, she would've loved the coffee here.
•••

                                       🥀🥀🥀