Dainty and Dauntless

A part:

What makes me yearn for you? I feel you within me, tracing me down to my core. I want to hug you so tight, engulf you wholly until we are one... infinitely.

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I stayed up one night because the universe kept me awake with so many questions. It wanted to know the plans I had for me, for you... for us.
Honestly I was a bit too excited to tell it so I told it about my A to Z plan. It blushed and chuckled along with me and praised my plan. I really felt proud. The day I showed you my A plan, I was brave enough. I have never mastered such confidence ever in my life. I told you I wanted you and showed you how I sparkle for your attention. I shredded my flesh just to show you that my heart beats only for you.
But... but you looked away. Was I really that unbearable? You didn't want to know the details up to Z, not even to B.
Do you even know what is at stake?
The universe! For heavens sake, the universe is watching me and It's watching me fail. Don't you see? You are risking my existence. I failed at A and tried all I could to reach out for B. It stands there, a pillar of my incompetence. It's too broken that I don't think it can take my weight, so I keep standing at the top of pillar A, tired and breathless, watching all my plans crumble. C crashes into D and D in turn rams into E. I get to see my dreams and pride crash down to nothing.
Help me!
•••

She thought about him, about years after education. There wouldn't be any books for him to get excessively immersed in, no time limit to when she would get to see him, she would be his daily scene, and he would be close enough for her to wrap her hands around his neck. After education, he would be more interested in understanding her enigmatic self and how she adored him intensely. He would laugh over and over again about her quirky behavior and name her "the cutest thing in the world" all the while ignorant about how excessively cute she thought him to be. She would scram into his embrace each time she felt overwhelmed by the feelings she had for him, not minding how wet her tears made his shirt.

"How I'm I so lucky?" She would ask him and look up at him. He would pull her back in, and she would be too cozy to make out what he does next. She would just snuggle in closer.
His young siblings would adore her, and she would squeeze all the cuteness out of their cheeks. She would adore them right back ten times more and make dinner with his mama. She would prove to her that she had lots of love for him to add to her endless love, if she didn't mind.
He would feel a bit embarrassed the first time he cries in front of her, and he would try to cover his face but she would hold his face in her hands, feel the tears beneath her thumb and let him know it's okay to cry. She would smile sweetly, hoping it to make him trust her, and they would hug.
He would cry for knowing for a fact that she would be there for him always and she would cry because she would have earned his vulnerability.
And they would argue sometimes.
She would be frustrated and he, impatient. She would think she hated him and everything about him. He would think she was unbearable and overreacting. They would huff and puff and almost blow the house away and say a lot of things and still end with "I love you".

Her mother would remind him that she is her princess and that he needs to treat her like a queen to which she would shrug proudly, and he would smile and answer with a "yes ma'am".
He would strive to make her smile and blush for as long as they had together. She would appreciate his existence in her life and would let him know all the time.

She thought about their first kiss.
After education, he would kiss her for the first time and get to do it for the millionth time, his soft lips sweeter than yesterday and wetter each second that would go by. His breath would excite her, like each and every time they had been close. In between gasps, she would look into his dreamy eyes and let him know for the millionth time that, "I love you Ethan Valer"

Natalie scoffed at her thoughts now, trying to push down the lump that was growing in her throat. She was trying so hard to hold back the tears. A while ago, she had asked Ethan if they could have a small talk and he had hesitated for a moment but seeing how serious Natalie had been, he had accepted. She had led the way, her fast paces deafening out his slow steps and had stopped outside the library then turned to face him. Ethan had leaned against the wall with arms crossed, looking down at her.

"So, I wanted us to talk. Are we good?"

"Aren't we?"

"I'm not sure Ethan. Why do you act the way you do. I'm getting paranoid. Do you want to tell me something?"

Ethan had chuckled and held her chin, "I think I've told you everything, Simmons". He stared into her eyes and smirked.

"Why do you do that? You're making it hard for me to understand you".

"Maybe I do not want to be understood," he rolled his eyes, "you can't force someone to be what you want".

She had been too angry to talk back and had stormed into the library shelves and paced until she had calmed down. On her way out, she had met Garf who offered to walk her back to the dorms. Just outside the building, Ethan passed them on his way back to the library.
Natalie's heart clenched.
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