Crossing boundaries

13.

Freen's PoV

After Becky's confession about her inability to love me, I've tried to be understanding. I stopped telling her I love her, and instead, I just stay by her side, finding solace in her presence. I love her deeply, but I don't want to hurt her. She seems happier these days, often flirting with everyone in the LGBT group.

Her flirting skills are impressive, but it hurts to see her flirt sensually with her fans. I wanted to talk to her about it, but I didn't want to start another argument and make her unhappy. While I enjoy reading their flirtations, the pain lingers afterward. I don't show this to her, though. It's better if I don't say anything. I have to understand her too. A tear escaped my eye without my knowledge.

Becky noticed and asked, "What happened, Freen?"

"Nothing, Becky, just dust," I replied.

She nodded and didn't press the issue. But soon, her emotions changed drastically. The quiet Becky became more aggressive and hurt.

"What happened?" I asked.

"Nothing," she replied.

"No, you're hiding something. What happened?" I insisted.

"Just leave me alone, Freen!" she snapped.

"No, I won't leave you," I said firmly.

"Please, I want to be alone," she pleaded.

"You can't be alone when I'm here. And I'm not leaving you, my sharky," I said.

"Go away from my life! Leave me. Just go away," she shouted.

Tears streamed down my face, but I stayed. I didn't want to leave her. "I won't leave you. Try me!" I said, determined.

She began to hurl hurtful words at me, but I stood still. I didn't know the reason for her outburst, but I knew deep down she was hurting.

I noticed her shaking hands and realized she was having a panic attack. "I'm here, Becky. I'll never leave you. See me. I'm here. Becky, calm down. Breathe. I'm here. You're not bad. You're good. Very good, Becky. Calm down, I'm here. I'm not leaving you," I reassured her.

She immediately wiped her tears and said, "Dumbo I'm breathing."

I wiped my tears too and smiled at her. I love when she calls me dumbo. Yeah I'm her dumbo.

She looked at me and said, "Thank you very much, dummy."

I nodded and relaxed. I sat by her side, wiping both our tears. After a few moments of comfortable silence, I asked, "What was that, Becky?"

"Nothing," she replied.

"Liar, liar, liar, liar..." I chanted.

"Fine, stop it. I was just having a panic attack," she admitted.

"Hmm, but why?" I asked.

"I had a friend since childhood. We were really close. When she got a boyfriend, she ranted on me for nothing. Since then, I never talked to her," she explained.

I nodded understandingly. "It's okay, it was in the past," I said.

She nodded and let out a sigh. "Please don't ask me to leave again, Beck. It hurts a lot inside. I can't stand seeing you leave like that," I said.

She nodded and said, "Sorry."

"Promise me," I requested.

She promised, and we sat there. To lighten the mood, I asked, "So, how are your fans doing?"

She laughed loudly. "You know, I heard someone on campus say they were too tired to read the smut with one hand," she said.

I laughed hard when I realized what that meant. "You have very horny fans," I said.

"Yeah, indeed," she replied.

Out of nowhere, she asked, "So, do you do that too, considering you're my fan?"

My cheeks burned red with embarrassment. I looked down and said, "No."

She laughed again. "You did," she teased.

Another round of her laughter ensued, but suddenly I felt guilty. "Becky, am I bad? I shouldn't be doing that," I said.

She looked at me with concern. "No, it's not bad. It's natural, Freen. Don't worry, okay? It releases your stress, so it's not dangerous," she assured me.

I nodded. "But don't tease me about it," I said.

She giggled again and teased me. I love it when she laughs like this. Seeing her laugh captured my mind. Her photos of laughing—she's so cute and beautiful when she laughs. I love her and keep falling for her harder and harder every day.

I know she'll never return my love deep down, but I still keep loving her, and she means everything to me.

..........