Crossing boundaries

26.

Becky's PoV

Today, I was chatting with Freen when she mentioned that someone from the camp was interested in her. It was a girl from another team who had started getting to know Freen and talking to her more frequently. I felt a strange twist in my stomach, but I brushed it off. This was good news. Freen deserved someone who could reciprocate her feelings.

"That's great, Freen!" I encouraged her, forcing a smile. "You should definitely get to know her better. She might be the one who can give you the love you deserve."

Freen seemed taken aback. "Are you sure, Becky? I mean, wouldn't you... wouldn't you feel jealous?"

I laughed, trying to sound as natural as possible. "Jealous? No, not at all. I'm happy if you find someone who can love you back."

But as the conversation went on, Freen seemed more subdued. Later, she told me she wasn't going to pursue the girl. "I can't imagine anyone in your place," she confessed.

I felt a pang of guilt. "Freen, you should try it out. I can never give you what you want—the love you deserve."

She didn't respond immediately, and the next day, I didn't hear from her at all. My heart ached with worry, but I knew I had to give her space. Maybe she was processing everything, figuring out her feelings.

Finally, Freen video called me. Tears streaked her cheeks as she said, "Becky, it's okay if you don't love me, but please don't push me away. I can't live without you. I just... I just love you."

I felt numb. How could she love me when all I seemed to bring her was hurt? My mind raced with the memories of our time together, her unwavering support, and the pain I constantly caused her with my emotional unavailability.

"Freen," I began, my voice shaking. "I... I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I don't know why I'm like this. I don't know why I can't feel the way you do. But you deserve so much more."

She shook her head, tears still falling. "I don't care about that, Becky. I just want you. Even if you can't love me back, I just want you in my life."

"But Freen, I'm only going to hurt you more," I whispered, feeling the weight of my words. "I can't bear the thought of causing you more pain."

She wiped her tears, her eyes full of determination. "I'd rather have you in my life and feel this pain than lose you completely. Please, Becky, don't push me away."

Her words hit me like a punch to the gut. How could she still want me after everything? My mind flashed back to my past, the traumas, the rejection from my parents. I had built walls so high around my heart, not letting anyone in. But Freen was different. She had climbed those walls, breaking through them with her love and patience.

I took a deep breath, trying to steady my emotions. "Okay, Freen. I won't push you away. I promise. But please understand that I'm still trying to figure things out. I don't want to hurt you."

She nodded, a small, relieved smile forming on her lips. "Thank you, Becky. That's all I ask. Just stay with me."

We talked for a while longer, the tension slowly easing. I could see the hope in Freen's eyes, a hope that one day I might be able to reciprocate her feelings. I wanted to believe that too, but deep down, I was terrified. Terrified of letting her down, of never being able to give her the love she deserved.

As we ended the call, I sat there in silence, my mind a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions. How could I find a way to love her back? How could I break free from the chains of my past? I didn't have the answers, but I knew one thing for sure: I couldn't bear to lose Freen. She was my anchor, my light in the darkness.

I resolved to try harder, to open up more, and to face my fears head-on. Freen's love was worth it. She was worth it. And maybe, just maybe, I could find a way to heal and love her back the way she deserved.

.............