Crossing boundaries

27.

Freen's PoV

Since our last conversation, I could see Becky trying hard to open up to me, and I made sure to be patient in every situation. We flirted a lot, and surprisingly, Becky was the flirtier one. Her teasing comments and playful banter always made me laugh. We grew closer each day, building a bond that was more than just friendship but not quite dating.

Finally, the match day arrived, and I was filled with anxiety. My mind was a whirlwind of thoughts, but as always, Becky was there to calm me down. We had a video call before the match, and her encouragement was the anchor I needed. Despite being miles apart, our hearts were connected. I missed her terribly and couldn't wait to see her as soon as I got back.

The match started, and our team played well. We won three matches in a row, making it to the quarterfinals. If we won this match, we would secure a medal for sure. Our coach had high hopes for us, and we were determined to give our best.

During the match, each one of us gave it our all, running to the basket with everything we had. But in the end, the opponent team won by just one basket more than us.

Returning from the court, our coach was furious. He threw a water bottle at me and spat out hurtful words. "You call yourself a captain? You're fit for nothing! Blah blah blah."

I tried to defend myself, saying we did our best, but when I later watched the match video, I realized we could have won. Regret started to gnaw at me. Becky tried to calm me, but my thoughts and emotions were overwhelming. I felt like I had failed as a captain. I knew Nita would mock us for sure; she hadn't played because she wasn't the captain, and now the coach regretted choosing me over her.

Back home after hours of travel, I was still reeling from the loss and the coach's words. "You're not fit for anything," he had said. I thought, "Not even fit to deserve love from someone you truly love." His words stung because they echoed my own self-doubts. I felt immature and useless, completely unworthy.

As soon as we arrived, I called Becky. We had planned to meet, and I desperately needed to see her. But she said she wasn't coming. Anger washed over me, and I yelled, "Then fucking leave me alone!" before cutting the call. Tears streamed down my face as soon as I uttered those harsh words. I was breaking.

Nam and Tee were there, approaching me. Tee asked what had happened, and in my frustration, I pushed her away. "Just leave me alone!" I shouted, my voice cracking with emotion.

I behaved rudely and ran away from them, unable to face anyone. I found a secluded spot and sat down, my emotions crashing over me like waves. The coach's words replayed in my mind, amplifying my self-loathing. I felt like I had let everyone down—my team, my coach, and most of all, Becky.

"Why am I so useless?" I whispered to myself, hugging my knees to my chest. "Why can't I do anything right?"

My phone buzzed with messages from Nam and Tee, both asking if I was okay. I ignored them, unable to face their concern. My thoughts spiraled, and in a moment of desperation, I started hitting the wall beside me, trying to mimic the stunt Becky used to do when she felt overwhelmed. The pain was sharp and immediate, but it didn't dull the ache in my chest.

"I'm sorry, Becky," I whispered through my tears. "I'm so sorry."

But there was no one to hear my apology. I was alone, lost in my pain and regret. I knew I had done wrong by ranting at Becky, but I was overwhelmed and didn't know how to handle my emotions. The more I hit the wall, the more I realized that hurting myself wouldn't solve anything. It wouldn't bring Becky back or fix what I had broken.

I stopped, leaning my forehead against the cool surface of the wall, my breaths coming in ragged gasps. The physical pain was nothing compared to the emotional turmoil inside me. I had to find a way to make things right, to apologize to Becky and show her how much she meant to me.

But for now, all I could do was sit there, alone in my misery, hoping that somehow, we could find a way back to each other.

........