Above the Winter Skies [English Version]

10

I spent the rest of the afternoon in my room. I locked the door and lay down on my bed, then thought about Cassiel and his words, pressing my hand between my thighs. I stroked and massaged myself until I came so violently that I had to muffle my cries into my pillow.

But it wasn't enough. Nothing was enough. The thoughts of him wouldn't stop, and my heart continued to race. I stepped into the shower to wash away the sweat, turned the water to ice-cold, yet my body still burned. I stared at the clock, watching the second hand tick by, hardly able to wait for the evening, hoping that Cassiel would ask me to join him in a private room again after my dance. Yet I didn't even know what I truly wanted.

I was afraid of taking that step, afraid of making a mistake and risking my newly gained freedom so carelessly. But I also knew that this was just an excuse, as what he had offered me was, in effect, a new job. I would be paid to submit to him, I wouldn't really be his slave. And I could quit at any time and leave Alpenholm if I didn't like it; that fact wouldn't change. Of course, it would be prostitution, but the thought of selling myself to Cassiel didn't scare me as much as it perhaps should have—on the contrary, I found it appealing.

The real problem I didn't want to admit to myself was something else. The angel had awakened a side of me that had always lain dormant, which I had successfully repressed until now. I had had sex in Hjartvik, but it hadn't given me the satisfaction I had hoped for. I had always longed to submit to a strong man, to become his plaything. Now Cassiel had recognized this and wanted to give it to me, but I feared it would cost me much more than a few marks on my skin.

I already liked the angel far too much. I thought of his watchful dark eyes, how he had rescued me from both Eldrid and the desolation in Hjartvik, as well as from Michael. I thought of his warm smile and deep voice, his sensual and rough scent, his muscular arms, and his broad chest. I thought of his smooth, confident movements and his large hands that could make me feel so much... I thought of how he had seen me, really seen me. And how he had fetched my things for me, even though he didn't have to.

The truth was, he was getting under my skin. Already, far too much. And not only was it incredibly foolish, but it also filled me with a great fear, knowing that I would never see him again after this cruise.

"Are you okay? You seem completely absent." Nova looked at me with concern. We were behind the bar, washing glasses on the last day of the week. We'd have tomorrow off. My dance was already behind me, and with great disappointment, I had noticed that Cassiel hadn't come that evening. His seat was empty.

Since then, I had been pondering over it. Had he stayed away because of me? Or was there another reason?

"I'm fine, it was just an exciting day."

In the dressing room, I had already gone into detail about what we had done during lunchtime. It wasn't hard for me—I talked about the meal, the impressive restaurant, the snow globe, and the picture of my parents. I left out the conversation about Cassiel's offer, but Nova had been excited enough without that.

Now she was grinning. "I believe you. But do you know what will take your mind off things? The first week is already over! Next weekend, we'll already be in Alpenholm, and then it's only two more weeks to Araboth. And by the time we catch the next ship to Ventura, it'll only be about two weeks, so just five weeks and we'll be free. Five weeks, and you'll finally experience the warmth and carefree spirit of the South." She clapped her hands like a little child.

I smiled. That did indeed take my mind off things. "In five weeks, you'll see your daughter again," I said. "You must be excited."

She sighed. "Oh, very much so! I can't wait!"